Day 93 God As LIFE

Churches That Abuse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I see God as Life – Thus we are given the gift of Life while here – But we are then responsible for the LIFE we Live – God/Life does not punish us – We just reap what we sow or what we accept and allow. Thus when we justify excuses for why there is poverty and abuse in the world – we are accepting and allowing this.

So we as the human species are facing consequences. If our actions were one of caring for all others as yourselves – there would be no abuse or starvation or poverty. Thus when we pray, it is not enough. It is a way to feel release from guilt for a moment or to maybe clear our heads, so we can see what to do – but God can not change things for the better, or the worst, we have to, we have free will. 

That is why there is abuse. Common sense would dictate that if we start to use our free will to create a world that is best for All of life – We would then end abuse and atrocities in this world. I would say God/Life is waiting for us to get it. What is stopping Us, but ourselves. 

Check out http://equalmoney.org/wiki - Support a change in us that will, use our Free Will power for supporting life instead of destruction of life.

We must be the change - by Bernard Poolman

Latest Vlogs by the Desteni Community - Standing Up For Life

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Day 82 I Am Not My Body = Arrogance and Self Interest

Yesterday I had a ton of energy and work most all day on research for a Desteni video – Today I feel sluggish and tired – and physically not feeling great – interesting – what the heck happened that would make a difference from yesterday to today?

What I did yesterday is not eat a good dinner – I made a good breakfast – then junk food at night – that could be it? I got lazy and did not want to cook something good. That could be it – And I was on a high that day – I felt good physically and mentally – thus this can also be the polarity manic swing.
I want to start to track my daily thinking and actions more extensively.
Right now I made a good breakfast – and already I am feeling better – I noticed an anxiety coming up – I use to get anxiety attacks. After I am eating it is lessening.

I loved reading “The Starting” Point by Ken Cousens today (See Link at bottom of Page) I am looking forward to when more and more people wake up from their self interest hypnotic state so we can start to really live and enjoy life. This is a must to read if you care about Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be consistent with eating right daily. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself become lazy and come up with higher than thou excuses as to why it is okay to not eat right everyday.

The higher than thou means, that in my mind I think I am greater than the body – I think that I can get away with things just because I think of them. Like you don’t have to eat – you are not your body. Geee. This is coming from my idea that I conjoined up that I am not from this planet – I don’t belong here, and that my mind is who I am – my thoughts are who I am, and to a great extent that is true. As my thought generated my actions – but to think that I am not also this body and to understand that I am also within this body that allows life in the physical to be experienced is pure egomania which I see now I still am operating from this starting point. Lol – funny I can see my mind when I remember why I did not eat last night – it was pure ego – I AM – I can get away with this – cause I AM. Wow – I did not see until now that I still play that card… But I am a creator – I know this – but what I am missing is that to consider all of life as me. I wanted to get to a point to where we don’t have to eat – and maybe one day that will happen, but my starting point is I want to do this to be greater than the body – So I can say I transcended the body = ego style. It is arrogance and self interest.

I forgive myself that I did not see or realize that I have been accepting and allowing myself to still use the “ I am greater than what is Here” card as justifications to not doing something. When I don’t even know what greater than here even means…lol. It is like a supper hero in my own mind – a greater than fantasy that I have unconsciously been holding onto. Like don’t take away my belief in fairytales! I have my own fairytale that I have used to not take responsibility. It is my safety net for the mind. So I don’t want to let it go completely.
When and if I see myself sneaking in the I am greater that what needs to be done as backchat and excuses I stop and breath then write out these thoughts/ideas/ and beliefs that stop me from participating as Life in the and as the physical.
I commit myself to see and understand the I want to be greater than program that I have been accepting and allowing to still participate in within my secret mind backchat.

Related articles

• Day 343: The Internet is the Global Mind (Part 2)
• Who (or What) determines/defines Life? - Part Two: DAY 358
• Waking up from the Consciousness Dream world: DAY 335
• The Starting Point

Day 68 Inspirational Messages Do They Help?

I was watching the Documentary “Blind Spot” you can watch for free at http://documentaryheaven.com/blind-spot/

Around 52:00 minutes into the movie they talk about why we allow abuse to happen around us and to ourselfs to go on. We are basically bombarded by Commercials that support the self interest of Profit for the Corporations. We are also afraid that if we do not stick with the status quo of things that we will be outcasted from our peers and family. We are raised to be consumers of life instead to become one with life. We do not see the things around us, how our actions affect each other and the planet, we just look at what we can get. We have children working in 3rd world countries 18hrs a day to make crap for us to buy! Not to mention the stuff they make uses recourses that we are taking from the planet that is not even necessary for us to life – We just keep feeding the Corporation profit machines as mindless slaves.

Now back to inspirational messages. They are designed to make us “feel better”, but how long does that last? Why would we need inspirational messages if we all supported each other and Life? We would be living as inspirational beings, caring for ourselves and others as Life. Here is a sad example of what we think to be an inspirational message. There was a picture on Facebook showing how people in India have to walk 3 to 4 miles to get water from this huge hole where there were hundreds of people standing around waiting for their turn to get 1 BUCKET of water for the day!!! Someone wrote a comment that said “This picture show how much we have to be thankful for. There is always someone in a worse situation than the one you are in.”

The sad thing about this comment – is that I use to say that as well when I saw atrocities in the world. But what is really behind that statement - is fear! What it really means is – what if that happened to me and my family!! I posted the comment “It is hard to be thankful that I am not one of those people - when they are suffering. I will be thankful when all humans start to support each other for real. Support the EqualMoney.org system - then all of us can be thankful.”

In short all Inspirational message do is keep us in the Blind Spot – where we do not want to see others sufferings and will not acknowledge even our own sufferings, And guess what, if we refuse to see what is really going on in the world – it will continue until we start to stand up and say No More. Let us start to support All Life – instead to allow abuse of Life.

Day 35: Being Cheap

We have created a world where we do not value all of Life, nature and others as ourselves.

Thus within this creation emerged the manifestation of the MONEY SYSTEM where we values money instead of LIFE.

Money Consumes Us – We are losing our LIFE to MONEY – WE THINK MONEY GIVES US LIFE AND THUS HAVE MADE MONEY EQUAL TO = LIVING

I saw some backchat within myself when I did not want to pay for postage on a package because it was going to be heavy – thus costing me more money.

Then I though – ghee you are being cheap. I see how we always have to consider money within most anything we do! To send my brother a package – I have to consider money

It is not the idea that I am being cheap – or thinking cheap thoughts – But that I see that I value the paper- the money more than sending the package.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be born onto a planet where we value Money more than LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to send someone something because it cost money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I fear to spend money on certain things because I only have so much at a time – and that I therefore become cheap on stupid things at times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned by money

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea that one has to be cheap because of our idea of money as the reason of whether or not we should give someone something as we value and fear lack of money for survival. 

Desteni Links

Desteni IProcess Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Courses

http://destonians.com/

http://desteni.org

http://equalmoney.org

http://eqafe.com/ Self Perfection Books Audios and Music

Day 32:Postponement Character-Feeling Like I have to Hurry

Within this character I saw these points so far

Becoming Overwhelmed because I think I have to much to do, I wont have the time, and I need some time for myself to rest from chores.

So - a Character will have:

1. Specific Thought Patterns in the Conscious Mind (One thought or picture)

 2. Specific internal conversations/backchat within which we converse with ourselves in      our own Minds = backchat

3. Specific emotions/feelings attributed to the specific Character existent in the specific thoughts and internal conversations

4. Specific physical responses/behaviors

5. REALITY-CONSEQUENCES

I will call this the overwhelmed character;

1. Specific Thought Patterns in the Conscious Mind

   I have a picture in my mind of being tired – Like a stack of books or papers in front of     me that need tending to.

2. Specific internal conversations/backchats within which we converse with ourselves in      our own Minds = backchat

I have to much to do,  I don’t want to do this, my days are a drudgery, I which this was over, I want time to myself. I want to be done with this, meaning not to keep doing it.

3. Specific emotions/feelings attributed to the specific Character existent in the specific thoughts and internal conversations

I am feeling stressed and worry about time, I think of all the things I have to do, I feel depression, sadness, I want to give up.

4. Specific physical responses/behaviors

I hold my breath, I slouch my shoulders and head, I stare, I want a cigarette.

5. REALITY-CONSEQUENCES

When I don’t do these things I get depressed anyway, because then I am not a good person, I am abdicating responsibility which means I am a loser.

Realization – Because I have it in my mind that I have so much to do – I am RUSHING with each project…Thus not being here – present because I am worrying about time.

I fear if I don’t worry about time – I will get distracted…

So the question is – how do you get all that needs to be done and not worry about time?

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that I am always worried about the time I have to do a project.

I forgive myself that I was snappy at my land mate because I was worried about time while fixing the chicken run roof.

I forgive myself that I feel that I need to rush – so that I can get things done.

I forgive myself that I feel/believe that if I do not rush – I will not have time to get things done in a timely manner. 

Check out how we are Writing Ourselves toFreedom  and Worldwide Solutions at http://equalmoney.org

Day 20: Dieing as a Searcher for Knowledge and Validation - Living as Trust

Self Forgiveness for Previous Days Post: 

I forgive myself that I did not know or understand that seeking knowledge was an attempt to validate myself as a person/being that would have worth because of knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for and gain knowledge as a way to validate my existence. And within this I became obsessed as a seeker wanting more and more as I was trying to understand who I was, why I was here and what I was suppose to do, not seeing that I was giving away myself, my power, my life to something, someone else that can tell me who I was. Thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not TRUST me, but look outside of myself for something to trust.

Yesterday after I wrote the previous Blog I stumbled on this in my DIP account. A note from Sunette - This was a year ago! >> Sunette Spies (Moderator) commented:

Adele - you see the points quite clearly and specifically, all you require is realising that you can in fact trust you; that it's all in fact about you, trusting you and seeing, realising that you do have insight into points clearly and so are already standing on your own two feet - quite stable. All that requires in the "equation" of self-acceptance and finally living that trust absolute = Is You!  

I am amazed that I did not see this - That I did not understand this at all. I did not know what trusting myself meant! lol - I have been blinded by wanting to please others to gain THEIR TRUST - thinking and believing that this would give me my trust…All the time doing things to get approval/trust from others thinking/believing that without it I could not exist, that I would be nothing of value without someone else noticing/validating me.

I forgive myself that because I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation outside of myself that I have caused great stress within my being through the feeling and believing of unworthiness. As I was always in my starting point of action/doing seeing a future project of being accepted in the eyes of another, and along with this future projection of hoping for approval was the constant fear of not getting it. Thus I forgive myself that I did not see or understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to be living a life of fear everyday as most all my actions had a starting point of projection for acceptance.  

I forgive myself that because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed validation through getting knowledge so I can give it to others was in fact an action to seek validation that I have cause much stress to my physical body, I have hurt and abused my physical body through have fear of non acceptance. I have shorten my breathing as one would hold there breath when in fear - I have been slowly doing this to my body over all these years as it got worse as I am not older.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause damage to my wonderful body who has provided me with a space to experience life, not seeing or realizing the damage I caused because I was so in the mind - thinking, contriving to find ways to get validation - I had not respect at all for the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how important the body is, as a gift of life as ME, I did not see the body as me - but as something else outside of me. Thus I forgive myself that I did not see this.

I now see how I was doing this to myself - how I was not trusting myself - thus when the feeling of stress comes which is a fear of not being approved when I do an action - I stop in that moment I realize I am in stress - I breath and know that I trust myself - I trust Life as Me and know I can do nothing wrong - As it is The Ego that creates right and wrong. Not Life.

Day 18: Denied, Making Money - I am on the wrong planet

I have just seen within me that that trigger today for this anger was because I was denied acceptance to a cpa network that I wanted to support me in m y business. This created fear and angry that now I will have to work harder and find something else, thus I went into self pity and fear that I now want to give up, which is what I have done many times before. Thus I am accepting and allowing myself to believe in and use self  pity to give up. I am accepting and allowing the emotion of self pity to dictate my life, instead of me standing clear within me and self directing myself.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated because I have to do things to make money.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to be annoyed with the constant daily waking moments on how I can make money with an online business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like the idea and resist having to push myself to do the things I need to do to make money online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should not be having to do these things to make money, and that this is robbing me from life - even though I do not even know what I would do in life without not having to make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at life because I feel that we as humans must dedicate our lives to making money to survive instead to be one with nature and ourselves.

I realize now and understand that it is not life I am angry at but at ourselves for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame LIFE, thinking life is against us, instead to see and realize that it is us as humans that do this to ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a product of money as self interest instead of a community that supports all of life.

I see now and understand that my frustration is one of self interest because I felt I should not have to do this. That I was special and dropped onto the wrong planet. Thus I had anger and blame at life, not seeing or understanding that I had to change my very core of my being - what I had become and walk a process of change.      

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the word “denied” to cause me to go into self pity, blame of life and anger towards life, as I saw the word denied as a fear of not making money. Denied, the fear of how will I survive now. It felt like - I have denied you life. LOL. Thus triggered the anger and resistance to having to make money.

I see now that the word denied does not define who I am unless I accepted and allow it to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the word denied defines who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe when the word denied is used towards me, that I see it used against me, thus seeing it as a statement that life is against me and I, who I think I am is kicked out, not liked, not approved of and then within that belief I go into self pity.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and associate the word denied, to meaning I, my being, who and what I think I am, is not worthy of life.

I now see and understand this word does not define me, who and what I think I am unless I accept and allow it to.

 

Day 15: Depression as an Excuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as the program of emotions and feeling to direct my life and actions within my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find a solution through the mind as self interest reason to feel good, and not see that I am still in the mind.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing the mind to direct me as life thinking/believing its excuses are valid

I forgive myself that I am still as of now wanting to find/figure out through the mind excuses as to why I am tired and just want to watch TV, instead to make a difference in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to want to feel good, thinking this is the reason above all for life, thus and therefore believing and allowing the act and idea of depression to be valid reason not to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything I do is a chore and thus I deserve to rest and get it done fast so I can rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I am a Leo and thus Leos, like the lion are in there glory when they are resting and lounging as the King

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow depression as an excuse not to do something and hide from life and not want to face it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and follow the polarity of feeling good verses not feeling good as a way to judge what I am and what I do in and within life as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and live as manic in my life and decisions of what is right and wrong and as self pity self judgment of if I am not feeling good - as high - that something is wrong with me and I go into a low/depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to us energy and believe energy is the director of my life, thus therefore allowing myself to become and believe I am a victim to what I am feeling as energy/ feeling and emotions.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and believe that I am a victim to the polarity swings of energy.

I now dedicate my life to do what it takes to stop accepting and allowing myself to follow the energy swings of the mind as a way of life.

I now understand that the energy swings of feeling good and feeling bad are not who I am and are not and excuse, because I  was accepting and allowing myself to fear to stand up to it because I was accepting and allowing myself to follow the mind/ego reasoning as valid when in fact it is just a program designed to keep one entrapped in victimization

I now understand this will not go away on its own, as I was accepting and allowing myself to want it to be easy, I was accepting and allowing myself to falsely believe that if I just sit through it that one day it will just stop, instead to realize that I am the one who has to stop following the excuses of the mind.

I now dedicate myself as Life as what is Best for All to stop allowing this pattern of feel good feel bad to direct my life and what I do within life. As I see now that I am the only one who can stop this, and I see that this is not what is best for life as me or as another, meaning as I stand for life, I stand for life as All. Meaning life is just not about me - that I am part of all life - Life is Life.  SO BE IT.

When and if I see myself going into depression - I Stop! I change my mind - I stop following the thoughts and excuses, - I change my mind as to not accepting and allowing myself to follow these thoughts.  SO BE IT.

I now chose to be the DIRCTIOR of My life for what is Best for All.  SO BE IT.

Day 14: Depression Turned Out to Be Regret

I have been feeling depressed a lot lately and I have been investigation what this might be about. I could not pin point it until yesterday. I knew it could not be from a specific reason - meaning like blaming it on something that happened because I know by now that we bounce around with good days and bad days, meaning something can happen to you on a day and you would see it as bad and another day the same thing could happen it it would not affect you at all. So I could not pin point what this feeling was really about.

Then it hit me as I was digging into my feelings and trying to see it in self honesty.

I was feeling and believing in regret for my life. For the things I thought and believed that were so called important to me to be/fulfill in my life. This takes on many forms of course but the one at this point was I thought I was not being all I could be from the perspective of create your own reality teachings. It was like a morning of all the dreams I had as a child and growing up - I was going to do this - I was going to be that . AND I saw I had this FEAR - that my time is coming to an end. I am older now - and my passion for these things are gone. NOW WHAT?? How do I life with out the passion I had before I turned 50 and saw that all my dreams were crashing?

I saw then that I was MOURNING that I was going to give up on these dreams!

But what was cool is that by now I knew that these dreams are not my own - they are given to us by the world as who and how we should be based on commercialism. Meaning I/we build up our life and how it should be lived by what others tell us is the right way or wrong way. Anyway this is extensive to go into all of that - but though Desteni and Desteni I Process I have seen many of this within me.

What I didn’t see that I was doing was still going into guilt and regret about by “dreams” being gone. Once I saw that, that is what I was holding onto - the depression stopped immediately because I knew it was bullshit! lol  I know the dreams we try so hard to fulfill our whole life and think we are failures if we don’t is not true. It is just something we went along with because we did not know any better.

I forgive myself that I was accepted and allowing myself to judge myself for not fulfilling my dreams, therefore within that self judgment I was becoming depressed, unable to move because I thought I had loss passion. But what was really happening is I was mourning the goodbye to these silly dreams that have kept me so busy all my life that I have forgotten how to LIVE HERE. That I had not been Living HERE in the present, with myself and life, but living for an imagined future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that life must be lived for a goal presented to us by society and commercialism and if I am not living that goal that I should not have self worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I was really just morning a decision I had made to let go of living in this world as a slave to the mind consciousness system and thinking/fearing/believing that I was going to miss something, like the “perfect relationship” that if I did not have that  - I was not living the dream. Or becoming a greater life - to most that means manifesting what you want, money, gold, a house - without consideration of even wanting to live as life as what is best for all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I lost my dreams I would lose myself.

I forgive myself that I have not seen that I had this fear of losing my dreams as myself and because of this I was becoming depresses and lethargic.

I am grateful to see this program within and when and if I see myself getting depressed I will stop and write to uncover the belief that I am hold about myself and my world and forgive myself, there for releasing myself from the programmed guilt and self blame as I know this is not who I am, but a program to keep me from being HERE, PRESENT as LIFE IN THE MOMENT.

Day 13: SF - Fear of Being Judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment from others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being liked or approved by others thus causing me to do things to get approval from others, therefor I have been living my life for what others my think of me, instead to live a life that is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this personality program and to allow it to direct me how I lived and functioned in the world.

From: >> Creations Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life in self interest instead of living a Life as what is best for all. I now dedicated my life to deleting self interest as the ego. I dedicate my life to dieing as an ego personality through self honesty and self forgiveness and rebirthing myself free of self interest/ego. Within this Life can be born where abuse stops as we consider each other and what is best for All.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that as much as free choice is the reason for my imprisonment, it is also the key to unlock the prison and set me and everyone free, as we are all free to make the choice that is best for all life in every way, and then with this freedom gained I will be able to show to all others still imprisoned to Earth, how to set themselves free and why it is in everyone’s best interest to choose the best version of self as that which is the original life that was given and then lost to the mind and the system of ego. Failure to help everyone else unlock their prisons will lead to me being imprisoned by those not yet free, as they will continue participating in a world-system that is feeding the prison of the mind. <<


I forgive myself  that because I have lived as the fear of judgment from others I have not stood up for myself and what is best for all of life, but just lived for approval and being liked by others as I believed that was a noble cause! lol gee.

I am ashamed to admit this but I remember having a fantasy of when I died I would have many, many people at the funeral. And what that meant to me was that many people liked me! I actually believed this was the ultimate goal for me. Within this I would do things for people to make them like me. This could be because my family moved often when I was young - so I was always the new girl in school - thus to make friends fast - I would do things that I thought they would like - there for  liking me.
What ever the reason does not really matter- we are programed to live the life we have at birth - because we have accepted and allowed this crap and thought it was who we were. 

Thus by using the tools of being self honest to see the shit that we do as our personality and then writing self forgiveness we can start to take our power back from the ego and actually direct ourselfs as Life that is best for ALL.  


I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being liked by others was the highest goal for me.


When and if I see that I am living life with the starting point of wanted to be liked - I stop and forgive myself for having that starting point, and I will do this until I no longer live as that.

Day 11: Fear of being Judged

I am seeing this pattern of having a good day - I feel good, I have the energy to get things done and be productive- then the next day I am full of resistance- I do not want to do anything but chill out- and then I go into guilt because of that. This has been going on for awhile now. The hardest part about it is the guilt on the day I have resistance and I do stop and just chill.
I have this belief that life should be about being - not doing, though in the being you are doing but you are doing within the moment, not doing because of have too. Like have to do things to make money.

I have resistance to writing daily because I dont know what to write anymore.  I have written about 3,000 posts on the Desteni forums in the past, 2,000 of them were Writing to Freedom and Self Forgiveness.
This keeps going on in my head of why I do not want to write on this new blog. I have forgiven myself on many points that came up in those 3yrs. Now it is about daily dealing with all of those forgiveness points by being aware of my thoughts and checking polarity points and stopping them.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to engage in thoughts of frustration about doing things I do not want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the feelings of guilt to overwhelm me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life by guilt- that I learned this from a young age. Guilt being taught by parents and elders. Guilt being taught that if you dont do what I want you to do - then something is wrong with you. You wont be liked if you do not do what others want from you.
hmm wow - I have been living a life fueled by guilt to please others so I will be liked. So much, so that I dont even know who I am.
Interesting - really if you do not relate to others some how you will really be alone. Yet I can not relate to others anymore like I use to unless they are interested in what is best for all. And even within that I am alone. I live alone and do process alone. I stopped going onto Desteni forums because I now have to focus on making some kind of income that will support me for these later years of my life. I am going onto 60yrs. And I want my own online business.  I have worked hard all my life - starting at age 13 to make money to get the things I needed. I do not want to keep waitressing. Any way,  with going to college  full time and working part time,  my days are full of have to dos. Not to mention, I take care of all the things pertaining to my house hold.
Leaky roofs, trailer maintenance, and chicken coop duties.  
Interesting - I am afraid Desteni wont like me any more because I can not participate as much as I did.
wow - okay I admitted it. This is my fear, that I will be judged for not participating.
This has always been my fear with any group or persons - being judged.

2 points to look at
Fear of being Judged ( hm noticed how I capitalized the J)
Doing things out of guilt - for  fear of being judged .
Do SF on this

Day 9: Ego and Self Interest

I forgive myself that I was born into a world that does not care for each other and nature.
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fall into the ego of humanity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to make out humantiy as good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ego driven to fit into the life I was born into.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye to all the suffering and abuse in the world so long as my self world was okay
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into competion and spitfulness as a way of life, and I forgive myself that I did not know how else to be, there were no role models to show another way.
I forgive myself that none of the men in power really cared about humanity but most were/are only acting in self interest as money and power being there goal.
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to beleive like them, that it is money and power that will make a person happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a person that has been ego and self desire driven, not wanting to care about the part of the world that is starving and suffering and then since no one had solution to this, I went along with the insane beleif that this is what God wanted  and we should not question God. I see this now as a really stupid reason, like beleiving in a fairy tail that will fix something. I see it now as a way for those with power to put fear into people so they will not stand and end the abuse.
As I forgive myself for my egnorance and self interest - I now start to stand and change my thinking and ego baised believes and learn to think in ways that are best for all of life- where all of life is worthy and respected. I join up with others of like mind to support and make a difference, as a new world can only be here with a group who is ready to stop living as the self interest ego mind

Day 8: Tired of Life Back Chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the life long pattern I have of the thought “ I am tired of Life.”

I forgive myself that I am tired of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired of Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired of pain in my body and there for use the words I am tired of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being tired because that means I do not want to get anything done for the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired really in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a victim of polarity swings. One day I feel good and do a lot and the next day I am tired and just want to be, not do because I have too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a victim of thinking one day that I want to do, and then the next day I believe and feel that I have to do. And the feeling of “have to” causes depression, self judgment and an internal battle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that doing something when I don’t want to is a battle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am tired of this internal constant battle of being tired and not wanting to do and thus therefore go into guilt and self judgment and therefore start to see life as a battle.

I forgive myself that I do not know how to stop this within me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want it to stop on its own. I am not sure if it is the self judgment that I should stop, or if it is okay to just take a break when I feel this way.  

When the feeling of being tire comes up and I start feeling guilty, I will try to not accepted and allow the believe that I am doing something wrong and thus go into guilt.

I can feel tired without the guilt as that makes me more tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel guilty when I am feeling tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I am not in the mood to do something that I then believe that I am tired, when it is really that I don’t want to do something that is required to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to do what is required to do; thinking and believing that there is something else I want to do - when really there isn’t…

Hmmm... 

So I want to do it??? What is saying that I don’t want to do it? Wow - there are two of me.

I forgive myself that there are two of me. lolol.

Day 6: When Things Are Not Going My Way

I woke up dreaming about Equal Life Foundation - and coming up with slogans in my dreamy state - Serving Humanity Humanely - Equal Life Church - Serving Humanity Humanely. Then I reached for the tape recorder to record what I saying, then I just got out of bed and started my day.

Anyway I started to panic - become overwhelm again with all these thoughts of all the things I wanted to do. And I heard the words calm down - and remember the video about resistance - ah yet here it is again. But by remembering the video and my self forgiveness and self corrective statements - I Stopped the thoughts of overwhelmness and fear, breathed and brought myself back to the physical and tasks at hand.

Well as the day starts I am having problems with my Internet connection - this happens often, I am on a role with things I am doing and the Internet stops-

BREATH, I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into frustration and fear thinking how can I do what I need to do if the Internet is not working.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on the Internet as a way to stand up for life, and take care of myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow anger and frustration just because the Internet is not working.

I STOP the frustrating thoughts and fear of not doing enough - I breathe and then just do what I can without going into stress.

It is interesting when this happens because now I have to re-gather my thoughts, to continue with the days work. But I think it is also good training - meaning we cannot always get what we want. So I am learning to be present and in control of myself as my emotions. Mostly in the past I would get very angry when things were not going how I wanted them too. And I would go into blame, anger and self pity at things outside of me.

Good point to write out self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when thing are not going how I want them to, thus causes myself stress though blame, frustration and self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that when things are going my way I am happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be happy when things are going my way, and then if things are not going my way I become angry, and frustrated and I thus forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when things are not going my way, thus I am in the polarity game of happy and mad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and be happy and think I am doing something right, if things are going my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if thing are not going how I want them too - that means I am doing something wrong and thus I then go into anger at myself and the world, and then I go into self pity and self blame. Wow what a self beat up!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beat myself up when things are not going how I think or want them too.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to beat myself up, because I have believe that the world is against me when thing are not going how I want them too.

I forgive myself for being angry at myself and the world, when things are not going how I think they should or how I want them too in my daily duties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into frustrations against me and the world when some daily duties or activity do not go how I would like them too and then because of the frustration and self pity I become tired through the stress I have accepted and allowed.

I will from now on try to be aware of the feelings and emotions of stress and frustration when something happens that is not what I want to happen. And within this, when I see myself going into frustration and or resentment - I stop in that moment and Breathe - I correct these thoughts by not allowing myself to follow them. I realize that having these thoughts are not what is best for All of life, and I realize that I am now in my life changing the patterns of who I accepted myself to be, to become one of a stableness within Myself and Life, as I realize that I am the one who creates reality for myself and others as myself. 

Day 5: Hospice For My Dad

My brother and I had a meeting with Hospice for my Dad today. He is in a nursing home and has pretty much stopped eating. He is coherent but is becoming very quiet. He is 90yrs old. Have so much to say about it that I don't know what to say! 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not knowing what to say or where to begin. The truth is I dont have the time to write everything I am thinking and feeling at this time.
I am also not feeling very well. I have cold or flu symptoms.
I wonder about resistance. Meaning I am not sure at times what is resistance and what is just a time to rest?
When I want to stop should I because it is time to rest or am I being lazy? Hmm. I usually am always pushing myself to get things done, and I allow myself time in the evening to relax a bit before going to bed.

Back to the topic. Is is sad to watch my dad die. Because he looks sad. I think he is genuinely  pissed that he can not move like he use too and has nothing to live for anymore. He mentioned once about 3 or 4 months ago about dieing. I say it was okay to die. I think he wanted to know how I would feel if he died.
We got a little pamphlet about dealing with loved ones who are dieing, it says no one wants to die even if they say they do. So Dad will be gone from our lives soon.
How do I feel about that? I feel okay that he will be gone - the hard part is I think he doesn't want to go and is scared. So the hard part is watching him deal with his own death. I want him to die happy...lol!

Why am I laughing? Who dies happy? I dont know. He had a pretty good life. He worked hard but did pretty much what he wanted. He had food, a car, shelter a wife and girlfriend most of his life. In fact he started going down hill when he and his girlfriend were getting to old to do anything. His sex life was very important to him.
He didn't drink or drug, he just like working and sex. He had a better life than many of the starving and homeless that are half of our population. How do they die? I would think that if I was in there shoes with all the suffering that we as humanity has caused because we do not look out for others in suffering countries that I would want to die. I mean how much suffering goes on when there is nothing to eat?
Yet no one wants to die.
I will get back to this -

Day 4:School Work For Money

I am spending so much time doing school work - so I can survive in this system that uses money to equal Life.
It is a shame really, instead of being able to help bring in the message of equality and equal money, I have to spend time to pass my courses so I can get the grants and loans to pay my bills.
I do not mind studying and learning new things - but when the pressure is on because the fear of losing financial aid... well you know what I mean. And then there is student dept...

Our whole journey on this planet is about money. It is a shame. We are raised to learn how to get jobs and make money so we can become consumers. We are valued by how much we can consume because that equals money to the advertizes and health industry.

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be born in a system that values money above life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget as a child and be swept up by economic society so that I can fit in and survive.

I forgive myself that I did not know how to change this and fell into the trap that all has fallen into - to make money our source of survival, instead to just care and support each other and nature. Money is not  needed to survive - we have just made it that way, more to the fact we have just accepted and allowed it to be that way.

Wouldn't it be nice if we as humanity would stop this charade and start to care and live a life that supports all of nature and humanity. Lets stand together and support an Equal Money System. This is a website where you can actually see the changes that will support this, and be able to vote and leave comments.

I forgive myself that at this time I have to work for money until we as humanity will stand up and make a change not based on profit but on life equal for all.

Day 3: Exploring Resistance

I see now after listing to the Reptilian Interview #20 that I was treating resistance as painful and something to avoid. Of course this made it even more intense because I was in a matter of fact resisting resistance! lol
Now that I understand it - it is still there but I am breathing through it,  I am not accepting and allowing myself to follow the thoughts that I use to have about it. Meaning - I would feel the resistance and go into mind chat with all kinds of stories, like I don't want to do this, what I am doing is causing the resistance that I want to avoid, what should I do now.. etc...
When I heard it was a personality implant that we all have, to create and avoidance to truly know who we are, I was at first very angry, like WTF! But then when I saw it for what it was, and did self forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to believe in this resistance as something wrong with me or something that controlled me because this is what we are taught, we are taught that our personality is who we are and we even will defend it, no matter how messes up it is. My believe in the painfulness of resistance was even starting to make me sick. I judged myself so much for thinking I always had to fight it.
Now I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that resistance is painful, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I experienced resistance that something was wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experienced resistance that something was wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because if I experienced resistance I believed that something was wrong with me, and thus not worthy of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this believe that resistance is painful and that I did not know that it was just a feeling that I did not have to put a label on, such as I am doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label  myself as something wrong with me when I experienced resistance and thus then went into self pity and self blame instead to just feel it and move on without believing in all the mind stories.

When and if I experience resistance I stop and  breath and I no longer accepted and allow myself to go into self judgment and self pity. I will feel it for what it is - just a feeling and I will stop following the mind stories.
 

Bernard Poolman Quotes

Bernard Poolman
Life was taken and forged into One law for All equally, which is Equality and Oneness as what is Best for All Life Always. Unless One Individually take this Law and Live it as the Evidence that You Give Life to All Equally Even in a Limited System, You will Never Be Life. How Can one expect to Be Life Eternal if You Cannot Even Give Life to All with you in Limitation when you Are All Equally in Limitation. And as You Give you Will Receive! Give Life to All and you will Receive Life as You Have Given - Equally!

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"Writing yourself as all as one to correction through self forgiveness and commitment to change is like breathing, effortless, unless the mind is in charge" Bernard Poolman

Day 1: Self Forgiveness

Help Me To Focus!

 I am giving myself a command to help myself focus.

Problem areas;

I become overwhelmed when I am learning something new and it takes a lot of time.

I become anxious when what I want to do take to much time to learn and thus then go into being overwhelmed.

I get exhausted because I am battling with to do something or not to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self pity when I become overwhelmed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I only had no more responsibilities that I would feel better, and thus use that as an excuse for self pity

SCS - When I start feeling overwhelmed I stop and BREATH, I stop the thoughts and emotions pertaining to being overwhelmed. I stand clear from feeling of self pity because there is too much to do.