Sunday, December 30, 2012

Day 69 Investigating the Pain of Change

I am seeing this as not wanting to be uncomfortable. Interesting. For example doing certain assignments is uncomfortable.
I actually go into mental pain when I think about doing something I am not interested in doing. Interested also is similar to Inspired. I always thought it was so cool to be inspired to do something – it is like the energy is there behind it giving you the thrust to move on something. It is a high that feels like an accomplishment with is the reward when you move on an inspiration. I am also seeing that I get inspired, excited to do a project for Desteni – then it fades and I am no longer inspired. In the past I have just pushed myself anyway, and I still do – but not consistently… It is too “painful” – And this does not make sense! LOL, because the pain is just in my mind. Yet I allow it to direct me.

 It is fascinating to watch myself within my mind to try and talk myself into doing it – and I get inspired for a moment then the thought comes – YOU DON’T WANT TO DO IT. It makes no sense – I want to do then I don’t- what wants to do it and then it doesn’t? So I observed myself to see that, like the physics example from some of the blogs Maya has been writing about, is that forces want to get back to stable- thus change requires pushing that is more than the mass it is pushing. Thus my mental mass wants to stay the same – stay comfortable – and thus Me as my mind directs myself as the body to do what is comfortable – and really it is not productive. I have it in my mind that I already do many things that I don’t want to – I am still working at age 59 – gee isn’t that enough? Lol – I stopped having any desires to want to do anything else as everything cost money. Thus the internet is my life now.

Now as I am writing this – I see that I may be being too hard on myself – meaning I have gone into guilt thinking I am not doing enough.  I have been going to college – this has been really tough on me. I thought it would get easier – but for me it has not. No matter how much SF I do – I still had intense anxiety every day of the quarter. When it is over- I have to take a break - I need a month or more to stabilize myself from the anxiety. Before college – I was more active within Desteni. I thought I could do both, I wanted to do both, but all I did was get stressed out thinking about it.

So anyway, next step, I am ready to push myself with what I learned through my college studies and see if I can make and income from affiliate websites. We will see…I am hoping I can stabilize myself with work (my own business) and Desteni participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to stop the anxiety while in college.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed by the fear and pressure of college, the fear that I will not pass and the fear that I will then not receive money from grants and loans.  
When and if I think of the anxiety and stress of college I stop and realize that I can now move on from this point and start with making a stable income for myself.

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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Day 68 Inspirational Messages Do They Help?

I was watching the Documentary “Blind Spot” you can watch for free at

Around 52:00 minutes into the movie they talk about why we allow abuse to happen around us and to ourselfs to go on. We are basically bombarded by Commercials that support the self interest of Profit for the Corporations. We are also afraid that if we do not stick with the status quo of things that we will be outcasted from our peers and family. We are raised to be consumers of life instead to become one with life. We do not see the things around us, how our actions affect each other and the planet, we just look at what we can get. We have children working in 3rd world countries 18hrs a day to make crap for us to buy! Not to mention the stuff they make uses recourses that we are taking from the planet that is not even necessary for us to life – We just keep feeding the Corporation profit machines as mindless slaves.

Now back to inspirational messages. They are designed to make us “feel better”, but how long does that last? Why would we need inspirational messages if we all supported each other and Life? We would be living as inspirational beings, caring for ourselves and others as Life. Here is a sad example of what we think to be an inspirational message. There was a picture on Facebook showing how people in India have to walk 3 to 4 miles to get water from this huge hole where there were hundreds of people standing around waiting for their turn to get 1 BUCKET of water for the day!!! Someone wrote a comment that said “This picture show how much we have to be thankful for. There is always someone in a worse situation than the one you are in.”

The sad thing about this comment – is that I use to say that as well when I saw atrocities in the world. But what is really behind that statement - is fear! What it really means is – what if that happened to me and my family!! I posted the comment “It is hard to be thankful that I am not one of those people - when they are suffering. I will be thankful when all humans start to support each other for real. Support the system - then all of us can be thankful.”

In short all Inspirational message do is keep us in the Blind Spot – where we do not want to see others sufferings and will not acknowledge even our own sufferings, And guess what, if we refuse to see what is really going on in the world – it will continue until we start to stand up and say No More. Let us start to support All Life – instead to allow abuse of Life.

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Sunday, December 23, 2012

Day 67 Care About Life - Equal Money ORG

en: Diagram of hard problem of consciousness, ...
en: Diagram of hard problem of consciousness, English version. ja:意識の難しい問題、英語版。 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Desteni Members are posting some of their blogs on a website call Conscious Index. We have been getting flax from them because we tell the truth about who we have become as the Human species. They want “inspirational” words. But these type of words do not Make a Change In Consciousness. In fact they keep us enslaved by diverting our attention on what is really going on – SO we will NOT change our nature, but keep with the status quo.

Here is a question someone asked from Conscious Index.

Does anyone have any information about "Equal Money System" and their members....More specifically why we got infiltrated with a lot of equal money advocates.
Why do they keep posting similar content from only a few sources?
Why do they have the equal money logo on their profile picture?
and the grand big finale question...drum roll.... what do they like so much about the Conscious Index and why?

We are sharing here because of the name Conscious Index – We are all connected by Consciousness – Equal Money is a manifestation Of the Love Thy Neighbor as Yourself and Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You consciousness. All cries for love and peace in the world – but love with out action does not work as we have seen through out the ages. Thus to create a new Paradigm of Consciousness We have to create a platform where All of Life will be treated with Dignity and Respect. We simple show how our world is not Living This Love as of yet, and Offer a solution that is in the Best Interest for All of Life. Thus we are open to all who cares to assist in making a difference. Check out our website where you can vote also EqualMoney Wiki tab has lots of information.
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Monday, December 17, 2012

Day 66 Stopping Gossip Thanks to Study with Desteni

Friday, December 07, 2012

Wow – O woke up today realizing that I do not talk about other people anymore like I use to! When talking to a friend many times I use to complain about other people. Being with Desteni now for 5 yrs I just realized that I don’t like to do that. It was a habit before. I always had something to say about someone, how they were acting or behaving and I took it personally in that it would affect me. – These last 2 days – I feel like am waking up from something – I am starting to see my habits in a different way – I am seeing them in my thoughts as in a past vision of what I do. This is weird and cool. It is like a part of me is waking up and I can see what I was doing differently.

I saw that I had a complainer in my head – that was so much a part of me I never questioned it. To me complaining about something was natural – AND I see now it gives one something to talk about! – Like a sharing of experiences. I still complain about things I am doing – like it is hard or I don’t want to – But I saw that I stopped complaining about others to others so much. I can catch myself – either before I do it – or if I slip I see it after because I don’t feel good about it. I use to justify talking about others, saying I am doing it because I want to understand why they are that way – and I think that part of that was true – I did want to understand others and myself. But now that I do understand, because of 5 years of study with Desteni – the starting point is different. By this I mean, I can talk about others, but my internal reaction is different. It is not about complaining and wondering and judging what they do, it is about what can I DO to stop my reactions and stand HERE, present without past memories. That is it. If I do have reactions I know it is about ME.

Now I am also working the point of internal reactions as complaining to myself in my mind about things that need to be done. It is really the same thing. Because I do tell others and myself that I have So Much To Do – thus complaining. Thus I will deal with this the same way – stop the complaining within myself. Thanks Desteni for your consistent support!
It is really amazing to see that I am changing, slowly but surely

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