Day 67 Care About Life - Equal Money ORG

en: Diagram of hard problem of consciousness, English version. ja:意識の難しい問題、英語版。 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Desteni Members are posting some of their blogs on a website call Conscious Index. We have been getting flax from them because we tell the truth about who we have become as the Human species. They want “inspirational” words. But these type of words do not Make a Change In Consciousness. In fact they keep us enslaved by diverting our attention on what is really going on – SO we will NOT change our nature, but keep with the status quo.

Here is a question someone asked from Conscious Index.

Does anyone have any information about "Equal Money System" and their members....More specifically why we got infiltrated with a lot of equal money advocates.
Why do they keep posting similar content from only a few sources?
Why do they have the equal money logo on their profile picture?
and the grand big finale question...drum roll.... what do they like so much about the Conscious Index and why?

Response:
We are sharing here because of the name Conscious Index – We are all connected by Consciousness – Equal Money is a manifestation Of the Love Thy Neighbor as Yourself and Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You consciousness. All cries for love and peace in the world – but love with out action does not work as we have seen through out the ages. Thus to create a new Paradigm of Consciousness We have to create a platform where All of Life will be treated with Dignity and Respect. We simple show how our world is not Living This Love as of yet, and Offer a solution that is in the Best Interest for All of Life. Thus we are open to all who cares to assist in making a difference. Check out our website where you can vote http://equalmoney.org/ also EqualMoney Wiki tab has lots of information.

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Day64: The Love That Got Away PT2

English: Love Book - The Top 50 Most Trusted Experts Reveal Their Secrets for Relationship Success (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Continuing  with Blog – The Love That Got Away.

As I was pondering my long time ago relationship, I got some insights. One is that I am still living that relationship as me now HERE. I saw another show of Deep Space Nine, where Benjamin was in the worm hole talking with the Profits. The Profits where trying to understand humans. Benjamin was trying to explain time to them. He was saying that we live in a place where things are linear. They follow after each other, and thus we can see past as time as we move to another moment.. And the Profits kept saying But You Are HERE. And what they were showing him was that he was living in his mind as a time loop of a year ago when his wife had died and he had failed to save her. Thus indicating that if you are linear – why are you Here – meaning living in the past moment with anger and fear of what had happened. Well long story short, he snapped out of it. He realizing that in his mind he was not living linear – but staying and living as the sorrow and anger and thus missing his moments of life as the present, not seeing others or life around him. 

For me I saw that when it came to a partnership interest, someone coming into my life as a potential partner – that I was/would live that moment where I thought I had failed a good relationship. And because of that, when I had an opportunity for a partner, all kinds of memory pictures come up of that time. I then feared getting involved again, fearing that I would fail. 

I also see that we do this for many things. Anything that we accepted and allowed to made an emotional charge imprint within our minds with a label as good. or bad – we carry with us, most of us our whole entire life – and we never do really live HERE. We live in the mind. And at Desteni and the Desteni I Process we are becoming self intimate - we study ourselves and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to believe, by understanding our emotions and feelings and how they can enslave us to live life in constant time loops and never really know how to live HERE as the Physical. 

So back to my relationship, I mentioned that I call her and we did talk. While I was waiting to see if she would call me back, I was thinking how we as humans all live in our own “personal reality”, meaning I wonder how she saw our relationship. I knew I had my version of it, what I believed happened. So I was hoping we could talk about it.

So what did we talk about? At first it was pleasantries, like how have you been, have you seen so and so, we talked about the people we knew together. Then she said – “So you had a dream about me?” lol – I am laughing now, because I was actually not going to initiate that conversation… If she did not – I probably would have not brought up our relationship – I was backing out, I got scared, I am a chicken! Then I would have regretted it, thank goodness she said something about it!

Next I will talk about what we talked about regarding our relationship

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Day:63 The Love That Got Away

How I allowed myself to be programmed to believe that the one that got away would ruin my life of ever experiencing a loving relationship, and my idea of the perfect relationship. 

(This is a continuation from previous blog - day 62)

As I investigate this long time ago relationship I see that I have labeled it “The One that got Away.” What I mean by this is that I had convinced myself that this relationship if I would not of fucked it up would be the ONE. The one person that I was suppose to be with for along time. I thought this because of our mutual connection that we had with each other. We were both attracted to each other with the same intensity. It was like a dream come true, a dream that I got from the “Movies.” I had not experience this before, it was either I was longing for someone and them not me – or the other way around. I had made romance movies my perception of life and what a romance and partnership should be like. Lol. Well not really funny, not so much then when I was feeling all the pain, shame, regret and longing for the one I lost. See I thought this was the perfect relationship according to some movie I saw. Where two people are so attracted to each other they could hardly stand it. And this intensified as we did not come together for over a year after the first connection – so this build up of wanting to be together (for play lol) lasted for almost a year! 

Well back to last week when I watched Deep Space Nine and it trigger this same old familiar longing I had to want to get back with my ex of so long ago. And that I still have dreams of this, of wanting to connecting and feeling regret and self pity that I will most likely never have this again. And how I regret fucking it up. I ended up calling her! I was scared, thinking wtf am I doing??? But I knew I would always wonder – so I just pushed through the fear and called. She was not there - I left a message – then she called back and left a message, then I called again and she was there. I must say, I am so glad I called. I had some questions about why we broke up, we were really able to talk and she was very accommodating to talk about something that happened so long ago. I mean she has a whole new life now – a husband and a 14yr old daughter. I was grateful; because I saw some points I was not aware of back then. I will get into those later as it will be part of my idea and beliefs about relationships, and my fear to ever have another one – though I have – they could not live up that one. And the point of not wanting to get hurt again would make me not even see another person really. Though even back then with my ex – I did not see her. Only my fantasy of what I thought a relationship should be. 

To be continued…

What did I find out with the phone call?
What did I find out about the same old feeling I had after I dreamed of her again and talked to her again?
Who and what I was within my personal partner relationships

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