Day 66 Stopping Gossip Thanks to Study with Desteni

Friday, December 07, 2012

Wow – O woke up today realizing that I do not talk about other people anymore like I use to! When talking to a friend many times I use to complain about other people. Being with Desteni now for 5 yrs I just realized that I don’t like to do that. It was a habit before. I always had something to say about someone, how they were acting or behaving and I took it personally in that it would affect me. – These last 2 days – I feel like am waking up from something – I am starting to see my habits in a different way – I am seeing them in my thoughts as in a past vision of what I do. This is weird and cool. It is like a part of me is waking up and I can see what I was doing differently.

I saw that I had a complainer in my head – that was so much a part of me I never questioned it. To me complaining about something was natural – AND I see now it gives one something to talk about! – Like a sharing of experiences. I still complain about things I am doing – like it is hard or I don’t want to – But I saw that I stopped complaining about others to others so much. I can catch myself – either before I do it – or if I slip I see it after because I don’t feel good about it. I use to justify talking about others, saying I am doing it because I want to understand why they are that way – and I think that part of that was true – I did want to understand others and myself. But now that I do understand, because of 5 years of study with Desteni – the starting point is different. By this I mean, I can talk about others, but my internal reaction is different. It is not about complaining and wondering and judging what they do, it is about what can I DO to stop my reactions and stand HERE, present without past memories. That is it. If I do have reactions I know it is about ME.

Now I am also working the point of internal reactions as complaining to myself in my mind about things that need to be done. It is really the same thing. Because I do tell others and myself that I have So Much To Do – thus complaining. Thus I will deal with this the same way – stop the complaining within myself. Thanks Desteni for your consistent support!
It is really amazing to see that I am changing, slowly but surely

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Day 17: Subtle Gossip

 I noticed I was talking with a friend about another friend. Then I talk to that friend about her - It is eeky   - talking to another person about another person’s problems and thinking we know better, it is really trying to connect through gossip and perceived shared “knowledge”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am bonding with someone because we talk about another, making me feel special that I am gossiping.

I forgive myself that I have not seen that I was doing this in an attempt to connect with someone by talking about someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do this with the secret mind of wanting to connect or showing someone that I have knowledge about someone else and there problems - then we talk about them - in an effort to feel good about who we are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use gossip as a way to feel good about myself.

When and if I see myself starting to gossip about another as a way to feel superior - I stop. I realize that this is a habit that we have as an attempt to feel better about who we are. I do not accept and allow this within me any longer