Day65: Common Sense and Discouragement

Emotional Playground (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been listening to a friend about her problems and reading about other people problems and listening to my own problems, lol. I saw myself starting to get discouraged. So I will write about it, so I may see this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of I am becoming discouraged when I see things on the news and TV shows, or hear of acquaintances and there issues that we think are real, but are only emotional programs that direct us and we live in misery most of the time of mental pain that we see as suffering. And I can see that this is all in our minds – that we hold onto blame and self pity because things are not going our way in self interest.
I forgive myself that I was almost going to accept myself to go into the emotional self pity-ment of discouragement to use as a reason to give up. My backchat thoughts were:
This is so extensive that I do not and can not even conceive that we as humans can get out of this. And thus I want to give up.
I forgive myself that I am entertaining the thoughts of I want to give up because I don’t see that the world can change.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to fear that there may be no way out of this mess that we are in and that we have accepted and allowed.
I forgive myself that I am wanting to and thinking I should go into self pity because I see the world, friends and non friends suffering so much in the accepted and allowed self abuse that we have come to believe is normal and is life. And I believe if we stop worrying about ourself so much, and what others do or not do to us or for us and we started to look at what can we do for another that our world would change and our unhappiness would stop because our self interest would stop. And we could have a world with out abuse.
So what is myself interest in this? I want my suffering to stop because I see others suffer. I can not stop another’s suffering and the pain for me is I think that when another suffers it reminds me of my own suffering that I had accepted and allowed.

As I see this point and apply common sense – I can see that allowing myself to become discouraged does NO GOOD AT ALL. And that this is just another emotional program to keep us enslaved in a good and bad circle entrapment.
When and if I see myself becoming discouraged – I stop and realize that this is just another emotional program and does nothing to help anything and I stop following the thought and Breathe.

http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-how-addiction-to-suffering-and-pain-killed-me

Related articles

• Please fell Sorry for me - Day 220
• Day 94: Mourning as Excuse to have Pity-Party
• Stress and Anxiety - Self Creation or Elite's Mind Control?
• Depression - Self Interest or a Real Physical Condition? - Day 221
• The Poison within Irritation and Anger - Day 217

Day:44 OMG My Hair SF Points

Continuation from previous post. OMG What am I going to do with my hair
Self Forgiveness on these points :

• I felt my hair was not good enough
• I felt that I looked ugly if my hair was not fixed in the right fashion - and since I had hard to control hair - I assumed I was ugly.
• I was always self conscious about my hair - meaning sometimes I could get it right, but not for long as it would frizz up in damp weather.
• I feared damp weather because it would mess up my hair - and all the work it took to fix it.
• Most of all I felt that something was wrong with me.(This comes from other experiences as well)

I also believed my mother did not like me because the tone of her voice (Not understanding at that time - that she was also conditioned to think like that and as a result I took it as she did not like me because her tone of voice was not gentle, but it felt like she was accusing me of something)( I will take this point on later)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for my entire life feel that my hair was not good enough.

I forgive myself that I did not understand that we are born into a system where newborns take on the emotional energy of our parents and within this I have taken on the behaviors of my parents and theirs before them, that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe because of the tonal voice spoken to me as a young child about my hair of one of irritation or urgency that I had developed a believe that I looked ugly if my hair was not done up/or I use the word “fixed” (Like my hair was broken) , because I would hear as I got older in early teens to fix my hair- something was wrong with it – so it had to be fixed and thus within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that when my hair needed to be fixed and within this believe I thought/accepted and allowed myself to believe that something was wrong with me/my hair. Thus I forgive myself that I associated myself my being with my hair – that if my hair was not good enough then I was not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was not good enough or that something was wrong with me because I accepted the tonality of my mothers voice when she spoke about my hair as irritation/urgency – thus I became irritated with urgency that something was wrong with my hair and that I had to fix it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I looked ugly if my hair was not fixed in the right fashion - and since I had hard to control hair - I assumed I was ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I did not fix my hair in the right way that something was wrong with me and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if something is wrong with me that I will not be accepted within this world and within this I created a fear of not being accepted into this world, like I had to struggle as a being to gain approval of others because I feared God would not like me if others did not.

Within this belief that if my hair was not fixed properly to my mother’s approval I was always self conscious about my hair especially when around others and the public, because even though I attempted to fix/style my hair in a manner that was acceptable to mom I always worried about it even after fixing it – because it would not stay for long the way I fixed it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/believe the word fix as something wrong with me, and that I would become self conscious about it and that I assumed was a judgment of me/my being instead to see it as just a solution to something without taking it as a personal mark against who I am and thus feeling inferior/less than within my being.

I forgive myself that because I was afraid of my hair going frizzy after I had spent the time to “fix” it that I fear damp rainy weather because it would cause my hair to frizz after I had “tamed” it.

Related articles

• Day:43 OMG What I am I going to DO With My Hair!
• 7 years journey to life: Day 116: Self-forgiveness on powerlessness

Day39:I always feel better after Writing and Posting SF – So why am I not doing it?

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to listen to the backchat in my mind about why not to write – Shit I have so many excuses…

TIME is the biggest one - and then that has a ton of layers to it, because this idea of I don’t have the time is not true. I just don’t want to do it. I think it takes to long to do.

So let have a look at “It takes to long to do”

 What believes are I am accepting and allowing within this statement? I am going to list them all – so I can see them and re-program them

When I think it “Takes to long to do” this statement seems to be the one that validates my excuse not to do it. I also have this with school work which causes great stress as well.

Thus the physical consequences are – physical stress – frowning – tighten up my breathing.

Backchat.

• If I do this I won’t have time to do the other things that need done.
• This takes to long to do
• My posts are not as good as others – It will take me too long to learn to do it right
• I am so far behind of the others in DIP and 7yr journey blogs
• I wish this was over and we could start living life – lol – I want to be done with this ( I laugh because I am living life – thus I have a believe that doing things that take to long is not living life – thus I fear I am going to miss out on something – because I am doing something I don’t like to do)
• My body hurts from sitting so much at the computer as most all my obligations are done on the computer
• I worry about posting these types of post as they are personal as to my Desteni process and others will not understand if they read it.
• I have so much other stuff going through my mind as backchat as to what I should write about (I have about 20 writing or more that I have started but not finished and thus have not posted)
• I have all ready written about 2000+  forum posts of writing to freedom and SF in the first 2 -3 years so I do not need to write as much
• I have DIP to write also – this is too much writing
• There are always more suggestions to what to write about – thus I don’t know if I should write about this or that – so I allow myself to not want to write at all
• I really hate to write – I believe it is difficult for me – Others are more programmed to write I am not.
• I have not written enough to post it. – I will wait then.

That is all I can see at the moment that is my backchat regarding writing. As I read the above backchats – I see that it is not all just about time…

Things I like about writing = It is really self empowering when I do it!  Thus then to also look at the resistance I have towards self empowerment… I can not see this points as of yet except self empowerment also equals self responsibility so I will take a look at that later. I think the above is enough for now to work on.

Day 32:Postponement Character-Feeling Like I have to Hurry

Within this character I saw these points so far

Becoming Overwhelmed because I think I have to much to do, I wont have the time, and I need some time for myself to rest from chores.

So - a Character will have:

1. Specific Thought Patterns in the Conscious Mind (One thought or picture)

 2. Specific internal conversations/backchat within which we converse with ourselves in      our own Minds = backchat

3. Specific emotions/feelings attributed to the specific Character existent in the specific thoughts and internal conversations

4. Specific physical responses/behaviors

5. REALITY-CONSEQUENCES

I will call this the overwhelmed character;

1. Specific Thought Patterns in the Conscious Mind

   I have a picture in my mind of being tired – Like a stack of books or papers in front of     me that need tending to.

2. Specific internal conversations/backchats within which we converse with ourselves in      our own Minds = backchat

I have to much to do,  I don’t want to do this, my days are a drudgery, I which this was over, I want time to myself. I want to be done with this, meaning not to keep doing it.

3. Specific emotions/feelings attributed to the specific Character existent in the specific thoughts and internal conversations

I am feeling stressed and worry about time, I think of all the things I have to do, I feel depression, sadness, I want to give up.

4. Specific physical responses/behaviors

I hold my breath, I slouch my shoulders and head, I stare, I want a cigarette.

5. REALITY-CONSEQUENCES

When I don’t do these things I get depressed anyway, because then I am not a good person, I am abdicating responsibility which means I am a loser.

Realization – Because I have it in my mind that I have so much to do – I am RUSHING with each project…Thus not being here – present because I am worrying about time.

I fear if I don’t worry about time – I will get distracted…

So the question is – how do you get all that needs to be done and not worry about time?

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that I am always worried about the time I have to do a project.

I forgive myself that I was snappy at my land mate because I was worried about time while fixing the chicken run roof.

I forgive myself that I feel that I need to rush – so that I can get things done.

I forgive myself that I feel/believe that if I do not rush – I will not have time to get things done in a timely manner. 

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