Self Forgiveness on these points :
• I felt my hair was not good enough
• I felt that I looked ugly if my hair was not fixed in the right fashion - and since I had hard to control hair - I assumed I was ugly.
• I was always self conscious about my hair - meaning sometimes I could get it right, but not for long as it would frizz up in damp weather.
• I feared damp weather because it would mess up my hair - and all the work it took to fix it.
• Most of all I felt that something was wrong with me.(This comes from other experiences as well)
I also believed my mother did not like me because the tone of her voice (Not understanding at that time - that she was also conditioned to think like that and as a result I took it as she did not like me because her tone of voice was not gentle, but it felt like she was accusing me of something)( I will take this point on later)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for my entire life feel that my hair was not good enough.
I forgive myself that I did not understand that we are born into a system where newborns take on the emotional energy of our parents and within this I have taken on the behaviors of my parents and theirs before them, that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe because of the tonal voice spoken to me as a young child about my hair of one of irritation or urgency that I had developed a believe that I looked ugly if my hair was not done up/or I use the word “fixed” (Like my hair was broken) , because I would hear as I got older in early teens to fix my hair- something was wrong with it – so it had to be fixed and thus within this:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that when my hair needed to be fixed and within this believe I thought/accepted and allowed myself to believe that something was wrong with me/my hair. Thus I forgive myself that I associated myself my being with my hair – that if my hair was not good enough then I was not good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was not good enough or that something was wrong with me because I accepted the tonality of my mothers voice when she spoke about my hair as irritation/urgency – thus I became irritated with urgency that something was wrong with my hair and that I had to fix it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I looked ugly if my hair was not fixed in the right fashion - and since I had hard to control hair - I assumed I was ugly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I did not fix my hair in the right way that something was wrong with me and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if something is wrong with me that I will not be accepted within this world and within this I created a fear of not being accepted into this world, like I had to struggle as a being to gain approval of others because I feared God would not like me if others did not.
Within this belief that if my hair was not fixed properly to my mother’s approval I was always self conscious about my hair especially when around others and the public, because even though I attempted to fix/style my hair in a manner that was acceptable to mom I always worried about it even after fixing it – because it would not stay for long the way I fixed it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/believe the word fix as something wrong with me, and that I would become self conscious about it and that I assumed was a judgment of me/my being instead to see it as just a solution to something without taking it as a personal mark against who I am and thus feeling inferior/less than within my being.
I forgive myself that because I was afraid of my hair going frizzy after I had spent the time to “fix” it that I fear damp rainy weather because it would cause my hair to frizz after I had “tamed” it.
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