Showing posts with label Emotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotion. Show all posts

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Day 98 Roommate Quarrel

Friday, December 20, 2013

3 hour emotional conversation    
"Truth and Lies"
Artwork by Andrew Gable
2013


So last night I had 3 hour emotional conversation with my roommate. It was emotional because it was about blame and honesty. I was hiding my true feelings about something – and my roommate knew it. I didn’t want to admit them because I felt bad even thinking about them. Like I should be above this... So I didn’t say anything, but my actions where showing different than I was saying. She stuck in there demanding I was not treating her right, where it turned into a heated and emotion discussion – and I was denying it.

Hiding my feelings

I will tell you want it was – I did not want her here as a roommate. And what I am seeing is this is because of past roommates. I don’t trust them and it has always been a problem more than a good experience to me. Mostly many of my roommates did not want to work, or had other ideas then working – And there preference was to party at the house. And many times I would come home to a house full of people who were drinking and doing drugs, and I would need my rest, so I could go to work the next day.

Projecting my fears

 So I was projecting my fears of being used for a place to live and expecting me to do things for others at my expense. There is more to it than I will go into at the moment. So anyway my roommate now could feel this, and she was feeling uncomforted to be here, saying I am paying rent but don’t feel welcomed. And there is the issue of it is a very small place, and I use the excuse of getting distracted because now there is a dog and another person who needs my attention and I then feel it is taking time away from the things I need to do. And also the point where I do not like confrontation, so therefore I avoid saying what I am truly experiencing in fear of confrontation.

So it finally did come out and I did admit that she was right. And I said thank you for sticking in there and not allowing my lies. She said she that it was just something she was feeling in her body, that there was something going on, and that every time I said it is not me I am not doing that - she would become more upset and more words came out, until finally I saw she was right.  I felt disappointed in myself - that I fear to speak up. I have learned not to do that because at one time I use to tell the truth, but I got hurt for it. So I started to hold my thoughts to myself. And then secretly judged and blamed within my mind. I feel very uncomfortable to say what is on my mind with others, and I have to learn how to be honest in a way that can support all of us. I understand the fear makes one vulnerable to attack.

Solution:
I understand that it is not that I have to tell another everything I am thinking (as saying the truth). But I do need to see it when I am lying to myself and then to SF, and if needed to converses with another, find a way to do it with out blame and look for a solution to the situation.

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- See more at: http://christineannhansen.blogspot.com/2013/12/day-448-living-income-guaranteed.html#d=4&g=1&fl=0&gs=0&fs=0&su=0&r=0&p=0&s=1&rr=1
 Desteni
  Desteni DIP Lite Course - Learn Essential Life Skills
EQAFE
Equal Life Foundation
  Living Income Guaranteed by Equal Life Foundation
  Living Income Guaranteed
  Journey to Life Blog
- See more at: http://christineannhansen.blogspot.com/2013/12/day-448-living-income-guaranteed.html#d=4&g=1&fl=0&gs=0&fs=0&su=0&r=0&p=0&s=1&rr=1
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Saturday, March 9, 2013

Day 72 When Anger is Inverted to Disappointment


This is take from a group chat with Sunette Spies



The Disappointment that one will experience in instances where others would React in Anger, where one would become 'disappointed', instead of angry, is because:

This determines one's relationship to Self with regards to being an INTROVERT or an EXTROVERT and this tendency/personality actually also affect your relationship to Energy, meaning:
If you're an Introvert, a Silent one, that do not REACT extensively - even in your Mind, but actually SUPPRESS the energies a lot faster, and so much so that there's not enough energy to accumulate into the MIND and or the personality systems - anger can become disappointment, it's more like an Inverted anger, the disappointment, Whereas with extroverts that really express reactions into the MIND and into the World - a lot more energy is Available in the Personality Systems, and so can accumulate reactions of anger into oneself and towards others a lot easier
SO - this specific explanation is ONLY in the Dimension of when you become disappointed; when others would usually react in anger

Question > interesting Sunette, I was thinking that maybe the disappointment would come once the anger energy was used up/ exerted by other means, like disappointment being 'the remains'. Answer >that is so - but, some really don't become extensively angry, as throughout their lives, they suppress extreme reactions/energies immediately into the physical body; so most of the energy-physical relationships gets seated/stored into the body and less express into the conscious/subconscious mind.

Q >Sunette so anger is equal to disappointment? A> no - it is similar, but two opposites - with Anger, you accumulate and exert Externally, with Disappointment instead of Anger,, you invert the reactions more into yourself/towards yourself and express a 'calmness' but you're not REALLY calm, lol - all of the energy is stored into the Body.

THE CONSEQUENCE of this is: That one will tend to have an 'apathy' towards life/living and Self-Motivation, like there will always be a heaviness within your mind/self and really difficult to initiate self movement / the will to live, cause all the energies are suppressed into the body and actually becomes a force that weighs you down mentally and physically.

Q> could you explain the difference then, of disappointment and shame? A> we can attend to that in chats to come - difference between Shame and disappointment.
Q> is this depression? A> it can eventually accumulate to Depression – yes

So, another difference between Anger exerted and anger as disappointment inverted is: that - with the anger, you go into an adrenaline RUSH in the mind and the body, this usually cause lots of tension on the heart and physical body and then anger inverted as disappointment create an apathy/heaviness, so obviously NEITHER is the solution.
So, How to Deal with Anger and Disappointment as inverted anger:

Q> so is it suggested to explode in anger Sunette? A> No, the Solution for the Disappointment as Anger does NOT MEAN TO EXPLODE...
Q> Are there any specific consequences Sunette of the apathy/heaviness? A> can lead to depression and just not motivating yourself in your Life.

Q>Sunette would it be better to direct it as self forgiveness and breath rather than just drive myself to get over it? A> always Self forgiveness/writing on Points as a platform to start self corrective application, 'just moving' would create a resistance cause you don't know all the dimensions involved with what you're facing

Q> what about those that get angry but do not express it, though it's not a form of disappointment, is that relevant here or is that another construct? A> they do express it - into their Minds, doing it in the Mind/in Reality - the same.

Solution: When the anger is an automatic reaction that just unexpectedly takes over, big problem, cause then you're in a possession already - so, have to REALLY walk your writing/self forgiveness on the anger issues, reflecting on the past, observing the physical/mind signs of when/as a anger possession comes, either in your head or in reality and start practicing stopping that demon before it takes you over.

Q> ok, i see so, if you express the anger in to the mind or in reality is the same, and those that go into disappointment do not express it to themselves either A> yes - there you're looking at two Personality Systems - and how you deal with things, you have one personality system for the outside world, and then another for the inside world and so you can be simultaneously introverted and extroverted.

For disappointment as anger: Here, the Introverts are actually quite fortunate lol, cause you don't have an EXTENSIVE possession in relation to the immediate moment of going into disappointment, so here - you forgive/walk through the REACTION and practice remain stable and not reacting in disappointment, BUT you have an ADDITIONAL process to walk regarding seeing where the apathy/heaviness/lack of motivation affected other areas of your life and have to PUSH through the suppressions in the body that created those reactions and start motivating yourself more.

Q> can the disappointment be like a giving up, a self pity, like a not worth even being angry that comes after the initial anger - or is that still being aware of being angry, and thus is still being angry? A>Yes, there you quantify a moment from anger to disappointment/suppression.

Q> would the unconscious points of anger towards parents with energy charge manifest in moments where irritation or annoyance occur, where it is slight, but frequent. Just trying to see how to investigate the point, besides looking at my experience in the dream, or would that be a place to start? A> Yes - exactly, those little moments, actually come from memories still charged in the body/the unconscious.

Q> I always considered those who have instant anger experiences as "fortunate" because they can let it out - rather than carrying the heaviness around with them for days on end. A> no letting it out is even MORE consequential, cause they don't in fact let it out, what happens when you explode in anger/live it out, is that the mind will store/layer the energy into the body and systemize the anger MORE and eventually accumulate an entity/system out of the anger, so the more you energize/live it, the more you’re actually creating a system for the Mind.

Q> where and how do those suppressions manifest in the body Sunette? A> n the entire Body - all of it, it layers

Q> I don't understand Sunette - are you saying that both is more consequential? A> yes - letting it out / living it out, definitely consequential.

Q> what happens when someone goes over the boarder and one gets really angry and all of this inverted anger comes out in that instance, when i was younger that happened a lot, now it is gone? A> if it's not happening anymore cool - but, still - work through anger points diligently/specifically not let anger accumulate in the Mind

Q> could we say that being disappointed in others is not being honest with self, self-anger projection? A> disappointment in others in when you had an expectation of the in YOUR MIND, and your mind's expectation got disappointed. This happens when one do not reference reality of a person and their skills and abilities, and either make them more or less in your own mind than what they really are

Q > is crying in anger a way to vent the frustration? and if so is it cool to do so? A> I would always go to Self Forgiveness First -crying is just a release, not the Solution and the root/source will still be in the mind and the physical.

Q> Is there other ways Disappointment can manifest within oneself? A> yes - absolutely, as we said earlier, this is only the dimension of where one reaction in disappointment instead of anger.

Q> is uselessness a consequence of inverted anger? A> uselessness, yes and no - can Contribute to it, but the uselessness is more of an Individual point in itself where one tend to Victimize oneself, it's the Victim-Personality at play here.

Q> I have the impulse of reaction but then I suppress this - I associate this with the fear of confrontation and the fear of the other's reaction against what I say - can you expand on this? A> that would be when you react in fear of others, defining yourself in relation to what your mind is thinking that others may/might when you in fact have no idea, so this is another self-sabotage construct. So, have to look at how you can change this, with instead of FEARING OTHERS in your Mind - simply before you speak, consider others, the environment and situation and what isn’t at that stage appropriate to say/not to say - this is not REACTING, but CONSIDERING reality.

Q> I use to think that people that express anger are out of control now i realize that so are those that suppress anger are out of control also. A> I'd say in some way...we're all out of control in the control of the Mind

Q> can disappointment also be expressed as anger? A> yes - you can accumulate disappointment as an energy that can result/turn into anger

Q> what are the physical organs that can be affected by these points Sunette? A> explosive anger - more specifically the heart and general mental functioning, and then the disappointment, more self-experience in terms of the apathy.

Q> Sunette when reacting to other's facial expression in disappointment - that's not to do with inverted anger but taken someone else' facial expression personal by interpreting based on expectation A> yes, if you react in you in energy to anyone's facial expression - you're interpreting, cause you don't know/haven't asked what exactly the person is experiencing/why they're expressing their face in a certain way.

Q> This is probably for another time, but what makes one an introvert or an extrovert or switch back and forth Sunette? A> introvert and extrovert is a survival mechanism, some remain introverted and others only extroverted, others switch - depends which expression/personality serves their interests/fears/desires more/less depending on relationships and situations.

Q> why do children lash out in spitefulness when angry? is it because they don’t have the vocabulary yet? A> with children - this is an accumulation of energies/experiences they suppressed during being a baby that they were exposed to and how they developed a relationship to that on a beingness/physical level, and yes - because they don't have an vocabulary, they'll express experiences physically.

Q> I found that many of my anger instances would be me scrumbling others words or interpreting behaviors. A> Yes - the Mind seeking opportunity for an energy fix.

Q> i have another question somewhere in the past sometimes if i am having a discussion with a woman and i get angry at her, i get a erection, but i don't get horny how is this possible and even though i am not the guy that do hard sex?
A> can look at Porn/Imaginations in relation to Sex / Rough Sex - where you connected a similar force of energy as anger to sex/porn in your Mind over time and why/how you'd get an erection with becoming angry with women.

Q> Sunette, another question why is it that when one is really angry, thus me in this case i see everything moving very fast, i mean i see all my surrounding in like a fast forward. A> it's not that everything is moving faster, it's that in your Mind you're moving faster in the energy possession
Q> I notice pinching is big in children....where they pinch each others skin or pull hair. A> yes - it's a physical representation of the pain/discomfort/experience they have within themselves and so do unto others.



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Thursday, November 22, 2012

Day65: Common Sense and Discouragement

Emotional Playground
Emotional Playground (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I have been listening to a friend about her problems and reading about other people problems and listening to my own problems, lol. I saw myself starting to get discouraged. So I will write about it, so I may see this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of I am becoming discouraged when I see things on the news and TV shows, or hear of acquaintances and there issues that we think are real, but are only emotional programs that direct us and we live in misery most of the time of mental pain that we see as suffering. And I can see that this is all in our minds – that we hold onto blame and self pity because things are not going our way in self interest.
I forgive myself that I was almost going to accept myself to go into the emotional self pity-ment of discouragement to use as a reason to give up. My backchat thoughts were:
This is so extensive that I do not and can not even conceive that we as humans can get out of this. And thus I want to give up.
I forgive myself that I am entertaining the thoughts of I want to give up because I don’t see that the world can change.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to fear that there may be no way out of this mess that we are in and that we have accepted and allowed.
I forgive myself that I am wanting to and thinking I should go into self pity because I see the world, friends and non friends suffering so much in the accepted and allowed self abuse that we have come to believe is normal and is life. And I believe if we stop worrying about ourself so much, and what others do or not do to us or for us and we started to look at what can we do for another that our world would change and our unhappiness would stop because our self interest would stop. And we could have a world with out abuse.
So what is myself interest in this? I want my suffering to stop because I see others suffer. I can not stop another’s suffering and the pain for me is I think that when another suffers it reminds me of my own suffering that I had accepted and allowed.

As I see this point and apply common sense – I can see that allowing myself to become discouraged does NO GOOD AT ALL. And that this is just another emotional program to keep us enslaved in a good and bad circle entrapment.
When and if I see myself becoming discouraged – I stop and realize that this is just another emotional program and does nothing to help anything and I stop following the thought and Breathe.
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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Day:60 Anger Demon Showing Its head

I am feeling great resistance to doing anything today…   
I forgive myself that I am having resistance to doing school- dip and blog today
I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to wake up and feel like the things I should be doing feels like drudgery today.
I forgive myself that I am being battered around by the polarity of feeling good when I do something and feeling bad when I do something – thus not feel fulfillment when it feels like drudgery to do something.. I need the energetic high feeling to get things done; - I need to “Like” to do it.
I forgive myself that I fear that unless I feel good – have the high want to feeling to do something it actually feels painful to do things – I mean to push myself feels like it sucks and is not natural to life…
I forgive myself that I even get angry when I have to do something or should do something and I don’t feel like it – I get very angry within myself – like I am being tortured.
Today I feel demonized angry! Lol – but now I am crying to release this pent up frustration and anger that I feel like I am a slave to consciousness – A slave to “have too’s” Instead to be me – what ever that is – I don’t know…

I feel so overwhelmed by school- the paper I have to write and needing to make money with websites…
I feel trapped in guilt like I have never before felt! Like if I don’t do this – then I don’t care about life… wow that’s big, that is a big guilt…

Anger at doing SRA – What is my resistance…

Backchat
I am so tired of people wanting me to doing things - I am so tired of people telling me to do something their way. I am so tired of people wanting me to change – I am so tired of living for other peoples opinions!!!
I am so tired of feeling like I am not good enough – I am so tired of being born into a world where everyone TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO!

I forgive myself that I don’t think I should post this
I forgive myself that I think I should be posting better things than this
I forgive myself that I think I am not helping others by what I am blogging
I forgive myself that I believe that I have too much responsibility to be responsible for the world and thus this creates fear in me in what and how I am doing things.
I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing fear to run/control my emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to become angry – I see this is happening because I am allowing myself to become overwhelmed instead of directing myself – I go into searching for things online and then I become distracted with what I want to do.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to get involved with things that seem cool at the time and then I get so many emails from all these different things that I don’t even remember why I got involved with them. And then I use that to distract me and then I use that to become angry and blame life/others are doing it to me when it is me who allows myself to follow these carrots from online searching thinking and believing that they are cool. But what I am really doing is looking for entertainment to appease the mind as a way of avoidance instead to push through resistance.
I forgive myself that the need to feel good and balance that with feeling bad is what is getting me to find things online I think are cool and then thus I become overwhelmed with all the emails.

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