I see now after listing to the Reptilian Interview #20 that I was treating resistance as painful and something to avoid. Of course this made it even more intense because I was in a matter of fact resisting resistance! lol
Now that I understand it - it is still there but I am breathing through it, I am not accepting and allowing myself to follow the thoughts that I use to have about it. Meaning - I would feel the resistance and go into mind chat with all kinds of stories, like I don't want to do this, what I am doing is causing the resistance that I want to avoid, what should I do now.. etc...
When I heard it was a personality implant that we all have, to create and avoidance to truly know who we are, I was at first very angry, like WTF! But then when I saw it for what it was, and did self forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to believe in this resistance as something wrong with me or something that controlled me because this is what we are taught, we are taught that our personality is who we are and we even will defend it, no matter how messes up it is. My believe in the painfulness of resistance was even starting to make me sick. I judged myself so much for thinking I always had to fight it.
Now I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that resistance is painful, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I experienced resistance that something was wrong with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experienced resistance that something was wrong with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because if I experienced resistance I believed that something was wrong with me, and thus not worthy of life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this believe that resistance is painful and that I did not know that it was just a feeling that I did not have to put a label on, such as I am doing something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label myself as something wrong with me when I experienced resistance and thus then went into self pity and self blame instead to just feel it and move on without believing in all the mind stories.
When and if I experience resistance I stop and breath and I no longer accepted and allow myself to go into self judgment and self pity. I will feel it for what it is - just a feeling and I will stop following the mind stories.
Now that I understand it - it is still there but I am breathing through it, I am not accepting and allowing myself to follow the thoughts that I use to have about it. Meaning - I would feel the resistance and go into mind chat with all kinds of stories, like I don't want to do this, what I am doing is causing the resistance that I want to avoid, what should I do now.. etc...
When I heard it was a personality implant that we all have, to create and avoidance to truly know who we are, I was at first very angry, like WTF! But then when I saw it for what it was, and did self forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to believe in this resistance as something wrong with me or something that controlled me because this is what we are taught, we are taught that our personality is who we are and we even will defend it, no matter how messes up it is. My believe in the painfulness of resistance was even starting to make me sick. I judged myself so much for thinking I always had to fight it.
Now I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that resistance is painful, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I experienced resistance that something was wrong with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experienced resistance that something was wrong with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because if I experienced resistance I believed that something was wrong with me, and thus not worthy of life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this believe that resistance is painful and that I did not know that it was just a feeling that I did not have to put a label on, such as I am doing something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label myself as something wrong with me when I experienced resistance and thus then went into self pity and self blame instead to just feel it and move on without believing in all the mind stories.
When and if I experience resistance I stop and breath and I no longer accepted and allow myself to go into self judgment and self pity. I will feel it for what it is - just a feeling and I will stop following the mind stories.
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