Day 7: The Word "Trying" as a Fear

I woke up with the feeling that I am tired of my life.

What will this day bring me? What thoughts are going to attack me today? If I am seeing these thoughts - then are the thoughts who I am? Who is seeing the thoughts? And who or what is the thought? I must not let my thoughts get me down… You know they wouldn’t be these days if I did not have to worry about money. I am seeing that my business won’t work… Or is it that I don’t want to do the work to make my business work? Yes that is the case, because I do this a lot.  I forgive myself that I accepted and allow myself to give up because I am tired of doing the same thing day after day, with no results.

I was struggling to get this day going -

I just pushed myself to get onto Facebook and started cleaning out my NetworkedBlogs  so I can follow the new 7yr self forgiveness journals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost fear starting this day. By almost I mean - I pushed though - I wrote about it, I did self forgiveness out loud. I made my coffee and now the fear is gone (for a moment). The fear was that I was fearing me thinking the thoughts that I am tired with my life. I wanted to give up - I wanted to stop trying to make an online business, which is what I am in college for. I wanted to stop doing things for others for my survival… Anyway the mind was ready to rock and roll with all kinds of poor me excuses. 

Self Forgiveness as Me fearing my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the thoughts that want me to go into self pity because of all the same back chat shit that has nothing to do with being HERE - Alive HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow and believe these thoughts that want me to give up, that say I am tired, that say I am not accomplishing anything thus there for why keep trying?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe because I am doing something that I have labeled it as “trying”… Thus living in a polarity of using the word trying as either a failure or success. When you try - you are actually doing . So if I think of this with common sense - I never try - I always do and there for the believe that you can fail - or not doing something is not true. I am doing - We always keep doing, it is the mind consciousness system that will put a polarity of right or wrong. When you try, you do and always learn from it.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that you can fail from trying. Wow! You cannot fail from trying. You never can. You can only fail because the mind is a polarity and it is a thought only - You might not like to do something - but that does not mean failed.

Trying should be taken out of our vocabulary because it implies possible fear of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the belief and fear of the idea that I can fail at something because of the word trying.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word trying as a polarity of failed or succeeded, of doing it right or doing it wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/see the words “ I am trying” as fear of failing, instead to just see it as a doing with no right or wrong.

When and as I catch myself thinking or feeling that I am trying, and thus go into fear of why bother, I Stop, and Breathe. I say SF out loud - and I realize that this is not true and just a polarity thought of doing something right or wrong. I realize this is the mind excuse as “why bother” and the program to not stand.

I realize that trying IS DOING and I stop using the word try.