Chasing energetic highs is life
I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing the mind
backchat that tells me I do not want to move. That I do not want to do what
needs to be done to follow my plan.
I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing the mind
backchat to come up with tons of bullshit excuses to not move and they make no
sense except like a rebellion just to have one - just… I cannot even validate
an excuse because I have followed them all before and they lead to just circles
of mind shit that have nothing to do with Life.
The backchat is I want to do something “fun” not what I
“have” to do. Yet I cannot even think what would be fun - so it is like a
temper tantrum feeling. Fun can be in any moment. Anyway it is just this
feeling like no- I just don’t want too. lol!
So I see - it is a mental temper tantrum that has got
nothing to do with anything except just to have it. Like some sort of control
through being stubborn.
I forgive myself that I am addicted to waiting for energy to
move me thinking that…. hm I did not know what to write here - I could not see
the point of resistance. Later that day I read the group chats from the day
before and I saw this;
From chat: Response to persons question: I'd
say what you're experiencing is more in relation to in a way 'knowing' that
there is more to self/life than what one is walking at the moment - though
don't manipulate yourself with this point in creating a depression, rather use
it as a motivation for self - so, same application applies, stop the backchat
in your relationship to your job.
I thought ahh --This is what I am doing.
The resistance is coming from frustration of wanting to move
on - I get frustrated with what I think is repetition of a chore or action. I
feel - okay I have done that - I want to move on - I want more different experiences.
Thus this is the energy addiction I have. I am labeling different experiences
as movement because they cause energy “high”.
Thank you Andrew for posting your question
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
use the phrase “there is more to life than doing this same thing over and over”
as an excuse to stop movement by going into self-pity and depression.
Thus I forgive
myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to go into depression
where I can not move because I believe that doing something repetitious,
where I get bored is beneath me, that it is not life and I should be doing
something “greater”. But what I am really wanting is the energetic highs from
new distractions and all this is going on in my mind, as I am Not Here but
somewhere else in fantasy.
Thus I forgive myself that I have been accepting and
allowing the idea that there is more to life than what I am doing now to stop
me from Life as an pattern of frustration and self pity where within this I can
not move - I do not move because of the emotional pattern of believing that
life should be more cause me to feel less than what is here because I want to
be more than what is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that chasing energetic highs is life and thus when I do repetitious
things I feel less than life because there is no more “energetic high” feeling.
No comments:
Post a Comment