Sunday, June 24, 2012

Day 21: Investigating Reaction to Loss

Today we found that something had taken one of the mothering Banty Chickens.
 We could not find her but found some of her feathers. It might have been a hawk or eagle.
I was trying to be aware of my feelings during this discovery. I was sad, as only the day before she was with her chicks teaching them how to find food on the ground. I felt sad for her, I imagined that she was in fear as this was happening. She was like a pet as well.
Then I imagined her being torn apart as what ever got her intended to eat her. I felt bad we were not there to maybe stop it; she was probably alone as she finally, after a week of mothering the chicks felt she could go out to the grassy area.
So what is my reaction? I am sort of numb; a feeling of powerlessness, all the care we took to protect the chickens from predators is not a guarantee that they will be safe.
I think this reflects our own vulnerability to death. We can be here today, and go tomorrow.
I am looking at life differently today. I am Looking At It, in silence; it all can be gone in a moment. I continue on with my day as I am Here to continue.  
I do not know or feel to do SF on how I am feeling - but to just acknowledge what I am feeling. I had a bit of sadness, some anger at how in this existence we need to kill other beings to survive. It is weird. It is just weird that we live in an existence of victims and predators.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe and or think that this is okay - to kill others for self-gain.
I forgive myself that because I was born into a world of victims and predators that I had to accepted and allow myself to make it be okay and thus allow the abuse we cause to each other as okay, the way it is, and thus to hide from this I have turned off feelings through entertainment and survival.

I dedicate myself to seeing and understanding the mind consciousness system for what it is within myself and to understand that within this, change for All is possible.

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