Today we found that something had taken one of the mothering Banty
Chickens.
We could not find her but
found some of her feathers. It might have been a hawk or eagle.
I was trying to be aware of my feelings during this discovery.
I was sad, as only the day before she was with her chicks teaching them how to
find food on the ground. I felt sad for her, I imagined that she was in fear as
this was happening. She was like a pet as well.
Then I imagined her being torn apart as what ever got her
intended to eat her. I felt bad we were not there to maybe stop it; she was
probably alone as she finally, after a week of mothering the chicks felt she
could go out to the grassy area.
So what is my reaction? I am sort of numb; a feeling of powerlessness,
all the care we took to protect the chickens from predators is not a guarantee that
they will be safe.
I think this reflects our own vulnerability to death. We can
be here today, and go tomorrow.
I am looking at life differently today. I am Looking At It,
in silence; it all can be gone in a moment. I continue on with my day as I am
Here to continue.
I do not know or feel to do SF on how I am feeling - but to
just acknowledge what I am feeling. I had a bit of sadness, some anger at how
in this existence we need to kill other beings to survive. It is weird. It is
just weird that we live in an existence of victims and predators.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
make myself believe and or think that this is okay - to kill others for self-gain.
I forgive myself that because I was born into a world of
victims and predators that I had to accepted and allow myself to make it be
okay and thus allow the abuse we cause to each other as okay, the way it is,
and thus to hide from this I have turned off feelings through entertainment and
survival.
I dedicate myself to seeing and understanding the mind
consciousness system for what it is within myself and to understand that within
this, change for All is possible.
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