Monday, July 2, 2012

Day 23 The I don’t want to do it Character

Within our deliberate conscious awareness we as the Desteni group are looking at and debunking our
characters that we have accepted and allowed to run our life's. Link below provide support. 

 The I don’t want to do it Character
I would say at this point this is the most frequent backchat voice that I encounter.
It is always there everyday for most anything. I will set up my goals for the day, or I have set it up the previous day, these are things I need to do at this time to practically create stability in my life. The goals include things like getting my business going so I can have an income, Desteni support and SRA or projects needing done for my living environment. When I set up my goals for the next day of what I want to accomplish I am happy about it and many times I “seem” to look forward to it.
Then the next day comes and I get out of bed - I make coffee as the computer boots up and I am ready to start right away… then resistance comes. I don’t want to do this - I am tired of doing this. To me being tired of doing something is because I feel I have already done it and the “I don’t like repetitious stuff character” comes out as the excuse.
Ah… meaning I feel I am not living unless I am doing something new or different - hm and that is not even true. It is more like I need energetic energy mindset that says hey this will be fun. So I need the idea of it being fun to move me.
And you know what - that type of energy comes and goes. I say that because one day I am “up” to doing these things and I am having fun. Then the next day it feels like I am in molasses trying to move, - the mind energy stimulation of this will be fun is not there. So it vacillates- just like energy is supposed to. The swing, positive to negative.
It is interesting to note that it feels painful to do something I do not want to do. A mental pain of battle between I know I should do this - to I don’t want to do this. It has been exhausting at times.
This is from  Sunette during one of our chats:

<Sunette> "I have to stop my thoughts" - character - it's a character because "I HAVE to stop MY thoughts" - then there's an I and a My and a "have to" - in this character, does one then ever really stop thoughts? The difference between character and Here, is a doing/living action in the moment, so whenever there is a statement instead of immediate application: you're creating a character

<Sunette> "I can't stop my thoughts" - character - so now you're in this character of "I can't stop my thoughts" giving yourself in your living the instruction - uploading the memory into your mainframe and "voila" there you as the character of "I can't stop my thoughts" don't stop thoughts.

Ah I just saw something else. My land mate just came over to give me a hose nozzle to try for the chicken yard when I “have the time”, she had to go to work. I just saw my backchat - it was anger that she keeps telling me of things that need done - so I feel I have to do them. And I think gee - doesn’t she know how much stuff I need to get done already?!! So what I am doing here was projecting my anger on what I need to do at her, because I feel I am already procrastinating on the things I need to do for myself.

I forgive myself that I had not seen that I was projecting my anger of my own procrastination onto another that wants me to do something instead to see and take responsibly for seeing that anger was really at myself.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need energy to move me by having a fantasy of something being fun to create the movement.

I just saw now in my writing above that in a way I am trying to validate the “I don’t want to do this character”, by understanding it - but the problem is - just by understanding it does not mean it will stop.

Thus when and if I see the “I don’t want to do this character” coming out - I Stop - I breath and realize this a pattern mcs that I have been accepting and allowing to be “valid”. Thus by accepting it to be valid I have been believing it to be a truth of who and what I am. I now see and understand that it is ME who is allowing this and thus it is Me that can stop it.  
Thus when and if I see this “ I don’t want to do this character” coming out I Stop and breath, become present Here and move myself.

Other Characters coming out of this one:

There should be more to life than this character
Life should be fun character
Don’t waste your energy character

I will continue on next post with deconstructing patterns.

Great blogs to assist with this >> 
 "Looking for More of Myself " from Heaven´s Journey to Life and
"Stepping out of Character" from the Creations Heaven Journey. 

No comments:

Post a Comment