Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 24: Annoyed Character

We at Desteni have 4 online group chats weekly where we discuss self honesty and this was a question someone asked. 

Question: What is the root of annoyance, I become annoyed at people very easily, impatient as well...
Anu: Annoyance; when you've had backchat in your mind towards people where you have won and they have lost, and then you manifest annoyance towards them as your armor of protecting your 'i was right and you were wrong'

I saw myself doing this yesterday towards people in my mind - and it is true I was having a conversation in my head about “why don’t they do this, it would be better for them, they are not taking responsibly and I know how they can but they don’t think I am right about this or they don’t want to do it and I am annoyed at them because I am right and they are wrong. lol!
This is very interesting - because to me I have something that is working for me and I believe it would work for everyone if they did it. So I do judge them for not doing it - because I am doing it, and it is hard work, so I am better than them because I am doing it. But I really don’t feel that way - I don’t feel better than them - I feel what is the point talking about your shit if you wont look at yourself as to why. Thus the annoyance is I cannot be equal to you in conversation because you choose to be a victim to your personality characters.
So it is more like I want to be equal with them, but they are not allowing it, is how I feel.
But it is all about me so I have to figure out this one or I separate myself from people.

Ah maybe just ask them how do being like that or thinking like that make you feel?

What I can say to my friend - “You feel separate from people because you want people to like you - when you tell someone something you want to feel like you are rewarded for your information that you have given, thus you want something from others. So if you do not get a response from someone that gives you a feeling of validation you go into judgment and then that turns into fear to approach someone. It is the fear you will not get validated. And then one will go into go into backchat in their mind about how they are right and the other one is wrong. Thus the internal struggle and abuse.”

I just saw as I am sitting here writing that when and if and when I see myself going into annoyance towards another because I see they are in victim mode that I can stop and BREATH and become present HERE as THEM as ME and realizing that I do this ( what they do to myself) and within that I can possibly offer some insight instead to judge and feel annoyed.
Opps - I just saw that I don’t want to have to be bothered to give them insight!
Shit - now what is that about…as I thought about this I went into annoyance again as backchat.

I will continue this.

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