Sunday, August 4, 2013

Day 92 Fear of Time = Procrastination

I am sharing my one of my Dip Lite assignments:

I woke up this morning actually dreaming about procrastination - I was trying to understand it and sort it out in my sleep or dream. What I am seeing is that my procrastination is linked to fear of being disappointed, or fear of the struggle to do something. It is interesting because I use to not be like this. I wanted to try and do most anything. But now I have this fear of it. Also what is coming up is time - I think something is going to take too much time to do, I am accepting and allowing myself to fear starting something because I have experienced from the past when I want to do something and then it takes way longer than I thought, and then I worry about other things i have to do - so I fear getting started. For example I wanted to change the oil in the Tractor lawn mower as I am taking care of the property while my landlord is gone. Now changing oil should take 15 min. But because I never changed the oil in this type of machine - I would have to research how - and I did, I had to find the right model and serial numbers - find the website - find instructions which took over and hour - then I had to find the right tools to get the plug out, ect.. So all in all it took about 1 1/2 to change the oil. Not a big deal - but something happened to me that I am just seeing as I get older - I use to like learning something new, and the challenge and wonderment of learning and doing new things, but now I am seeing the challenge as a chore, as something stressful to do, and thus I procrastinate. wow... It is like I have lost my excitement for life. I am becoming rigid, I am seeing moving in life as a chore instead of life itself. Shit! I better snap out of it! I am seeing set backs as accumulated disappointments, which lead me to want to procrastinate instead of being HERE as Life with life, with out judgment.

So within this point I see that I had a definition of time with the starting point of fear - Thus now, to redefine time as direction of life.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to define the word time within the starting point of fear, instead to live time HERE as the direction of Life.

I forgive myself that I have been accepted and allowing myself to procrastinate because of fear of disappointment.
I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to start to live as and believe that doing things are a struggle and a chore because I fear the time it will take to do them.

I forgive myself that I have been accepted and allowing myself to worry about time as a factor to live life!

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing the idea of time/how long something will take and see it as stressful - thus I am relating time to equal stress!

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to see time as stressful. And within this I compromise myself by being in my mind imagining doing something as stressful because of the time it will take, instead to be HERE with Life and not time.

I forgive myself that somewhere along the line I must of heard that there is not enough time and thus I feared the idea of time - to instead of getting things done - I would fear the time - I would fear not getting it done "in time" thus within my mind I would stress about it and I would procrastinate starting something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disappointment because in the past something I would do did not work out the first or maybe the second time and that meant some thing’s will take more time, and I would see that as a disappointment because of my idea of time as stressful.. 

I now commit myself to see learn and understand that when I see myself starting to go into stress about doing something or getting something done, I understand that I had defined getting something done with the idea of fear of time. And thus I was living in my mind of fear and imagination of past and worry of the future within self judgment of getting something done, instead to be one, together with what I am doing as a tribute to and as life as to what is best for all as life. Thus I commit myself to change my definition of time as merely direction of and as life, and I commit myself to teach myself to be HERE as Breath as one with Life. 

Relvant Blog: 

Cutting Edge of Time

None Are Free Until All are Free: and

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