Not only this is the problem – what I have been doing is to think if I can work consistently and get my website business going – then I will have the time to devote to Desteni – the idea being – that the longer it takes to get the website to produce an income - the long it will be to have that income and my sources are running out. But what I am seeing today is that I have compromised myself by not blog writing at least every week… I am a compete mess – and it has not been supportive to me not to write. So I am deciding to day to make writing weekly a priority instead of my work – I was using the excuse of time – needed to make income fast – to the determent of writing which helps me stay in perspective.
Gee… writing is the time I have with MYSELF – I need that – or I get sucked into the matrix whorl wind. Unfortunately for me – I have been told this – to keep consistent with writing – but I am one who has to learn the “hard way” so to speak – I have to make my learning my own – meaning I do not trust hear say – I need to experience it myself to have a complete understanding within my being. But in away this is also a good thing, as we are told to question everything – which I have always done anyway.
But on the other hand – it is a shame that each one of us has to have first hand experience before we believe something. For example – the reason that we accepted and allow abuse to others, like allowing poverty to exist is because we have not experienced poverty for ourselves – so we do not see or care that it is a problem. We are so separated from each other – we see another human – and say “they” “them” – like they are not one of us….and thus there problems are not ours. Funny we do want others to help us when we think we need it – but we don’t see that we all – as a human race need to help each other…
And another thing I am seeing with my process is that I fear time – I fear not knowing how much time I should spend on each project that I need to do – I fear not getting it done – so I will cram and sometime work 18hrs straight to get something done – then I am burned out for a bit.
That’s it for then post- as I am seeing I can go on and on. So I will stop here for now. And try to make these into separate posts as I continue to rant my thoughts.