Saturday, December 28, 2013

Day 102 Boss Woes

Saturday, December 28, 2013
Boss Woes 

I was having a big reaction to my boss. I will share a rant and rave I did about. Rant and Rave is part of the Desteni I Process to see our minds that create our emotions and feelings.

Rant and Rave

Giving me angry looks while working
Many times while I am on the floor taking care of the customers or when I have to walk back in the kitchen she will give me this mean look – and I know soon she is going to complain about something – but sometimes she does not say anything to me. And if I get the chance I will ask her if she is okay. When I see though mean looks I don’t know what is going on with her.
Feeling of being antagonized, I become uneasy, like what now is she mad about, feel like I am being judged and attacked and disliked.

Telling me to do things that I already know to do

She, from out of the blue will say something to me that is not nice. Meaning she yells at me to do something, usually something that I am going to do and have been doing it for 16 yrs now. Then she will accuse me of not wanting to do it! When this happens I get very upset. For example, I will be finishing up with a customer and a new costumer is coming in the door – and if she is next to me she will say “Pay attention there is a costumer!”, in an reprimanding tone, when I just about to greet them.
She will say that table needs cleaned – when I already know that (I have been a waitress for 35 years!) I had planed to get to it as soon as I was finished with something else.

Being angry at me for something I did 2 months ago

I can go on and on about the many times she treats me like this. For example one time she was treating me like shit for 2 months, just dirty looks and snapping at me every day. I finally asked her what was wrong, why is she doing that. Usually she will deny that anything is wrong when I ask her. But I insisted and said you seem to be angry with me. Well then she told me – that 2 months ago I did not give her a dozen eggs for free. She is the one who said she wants the eggs, and I told her they were not mine to give– but my landlord ask that I help her to sell them when we have enough. So here she was angry at me, and she told me I was cheap, and did not like to share, and what ever else. Then she actually sort of apologized and said that I am just a really honest person, and that is good.

The point is she is treating me like shit again, and I am tired of it, I do not like to confront her, because she always at first gets very defensive – she is Korean, and gets hyper expressive. (Angry) and that throws me off. Meaning, I then can get defensive back at her if I am not stable.

Fear when I go to work

Not knowing what type of mood she will be in and if I am going to get yelled at or not.
What this is doing is making me feel inferior when I go to work. I am feeling like a dog who is scared of its master because he might get kicked for what appears like no reason.

Next post I will share what I found out about myself and how I was able to get past theses feelings and emotions - It has to do with: Judging Others is Protecting Self Importance

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