Day:59 The Business of Business

FreSh: Online Business Outlook 2011 (Photo credit: Chandra Marsono)

I am noticing patterns that are coming up in relation to me wanting to start my own business so I can take care of my financial needs. One of my dreams has been to have my own business, so I would not have to work for others and I would be able to have creative license. Meaning I can call the shots, I can peruse my own ideas and implantations. I would not feel like a robot, just taking commands from another for there own agenda. Though when I do work for others – I work as it is my own business - meaning I do what I can to support the business doing well. But many times I am in a working environment where the owners were... well – not even seeing what it is they need to do to make the business and employees function to what is best which can lead to frustration.

Anyway – back to my own issues with starting my own business at the moment.
I did have 2 business of my own before that did well – I made a living. So I know I can do it. But I wanted one where I can be freer. Thus I am learning the ropes with online business. As it is going now – I can saw wow! There is a lot to this – and I don’t know if I will be any freer or not! Lol. I can choose my own hours though – where the other 2 business I had to stick to a schedule.

What I am dealing with refers back to my other posts where I can see myself starting to get depressed because things are not working out how I wanted at the moment. (Note I did start many other business where I did not follow through and quit – thus I think I have guilt and self resentment about this, meaning judging myself that I did all that work to learn it – but then I did not follow through after the first attempt. These types of business were sales orientated. I would really be excited about the possibility of how much money I could make. I would go to all the meetings – learn all the techniques – get all the materials needed – then go out to make a sale- I did not like rejection – and I did not like to push – sell the item. I just wanted them to buy if they liked it. I was not what they call a “closer.” So now my goal is to have a product or products that people are already looking for – so I don’t have to sell them – they already want them.
But now within this type of business – You have to find the traffic – the people who are looking for it. So this is what I am learning to do – because there will be competition with this – so you have to know how to get around that.
MY ROOF IS LEAKING!! GTG for now!

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Day:58 Mild to Moderate Bipolar Personality Pt2

Self Corrective Statements and Self Forgiveness 
In Reference to Part 1

When and if I start to get frustrated and in fear that I am doing all this work and I am not getting the desired results. (Note: I saw that the fear part is because the work that I am doing is so I can have an income from an online businesses, and if it does not work out – I don’t know how or what I am going to do to then get an income so I can survive on this planet.) I stop, take a pause and realize that this fear and frustration is coming from the fear of not making money to survive and the fear of time – I won’t make money in time to pay bills to survive. So I stop these fear thoughts as I see and realize that they do not support me in that I then accepted and allow myself to become possessed by my thoughts and not take or continue physical actions.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to go into fear of not being able to make money when projects I am working on do not produce the desired results that I want and or expecting. And then within this I go into self pity and depression with the thoughts of “I want to quit.”

Then: I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to follow an energetic high feeling of ecstasy when things to work out to the point of becoming proud of myself and thinking I am wonderful, but within this, all I am doing is saying that it is good when things work out and bad when they don’t, thus I am then judging myself as a downer/depression when things don’t work out. I am judging myself as “bad” when thing don’t work – thus I forgive myself that I have been accepted and allowing the feeling of an energetic high with polarity thoughts of “you did good” “you are awesome” to define who I am as good verses who I am as bad when things don’t work out.

Thus I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to use the fear of not making money when things don’t work out as an excuse to think/believe that I am bad and then thus go into self pity and depression instead of seeing and realizing that I am in a polarity swing of judging myself and what I am doing as good or bad instead to be present HERE without thinking and defining myself by the polarity thoughts.

When and if I see myself going into and energetic high or energetic low I stop and realize that these thoughts are not who I am and do not define who I am as good or bad. I breath and continue with my activities in and as the physical - because that is the only thing that is real.

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Day 46 Judging Self

Friday, October 12, 2012

I forgive myself that I have stressed out myself so much that I fear I am getting weak in the lungs and heart
I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into fear about the things I have to do
I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think about me when I am doing something I don’t think they will approve off.

Saturday, October 13, 2012 

Not knowing what to write about.

I just realized that about writing a blog I was using the excuse that I don’t know what I should write about – I mean I have lots to write about – and that is what was confusing me to the point where I just did not want to figure it out, what one to write about that I said to myself I will do it later – and then the days went by with me writing nothing.

What I saw this morning is it is not important what to write, see I thought it should be coherent, following an order of some sort. What I was thinking about is what others would think if they read it. Like gee, she is all over the place. And just as I am writing this I felt a reaction within me. Wow – cool to finally acknowledge it. The reaction was physical tightening of the body, my face crunched as in a fear that others will judge what I write. This is the point I have to break through as Sunette is walking in her blogs. It is “The RESISTANCE Point.”

So to re-cap for me –The resistance point is fear of what others will think – meaning I fear they will think my blog is not good enough, or what I wrote about is not good enough. The funny thing is people probably don’t even read it – But still I am putting myself out there on the internet.
With this said – I am going to stop with this writing as I want to finish up with my mother and hair posts.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse it is too confusing to know what to write about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse I don’t have time to write because I don’t know what to write about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as to what I write

When and if I see myself procrastinating about writing and I am using the excuse I am afraid of what to post because I will be judged for being all over the place, I stop and breath in the moment and just write and post, and I stop accepting and allowing myself to believe that excuse.

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Day45: Humans Fear Each Other

Man Know Thyself (Photo credit: jrmyst)

I have realized though my participation with Desteni is, that to become Self Realized one much first Know Thy Self. And this is not some self that you think you will be once you become enlightened somehow, or that will be revealed to you someday in heaven or from a Guru, Master or spiritual teacher. I am seeing that the self we need to know is the one we are now – here – today and all our days that we DON’T want to look at. Because these parts of ourself that we don’t want to look at, that we suppress and deny are the very parts of us that are running our lives. They need to be faced and forgiven so we will stop abuse within our world. As our world this planet is one of abuse. You my say may world is okay, there is not abuse around me… But there is abuse happening all around us, that we do not want to acknowledge because we fear it. We think if we acknowledge it – it will make it real for us. Thus we don’t want to care. But even in your own life there is abuse, jealousy, back stabbing, gossiping, greed in one form or another, wanting control over others in your family, friends, co-workers, spitefulness, and envy to name a few. And not to mention the inequality of Capitalism (that causes the greed) that we all participate in.

What I have come to really see is that Humans fear each other and don’t trust each other
Now, why is that? I mean think about it, many of use don’t trust our partner completely, we don’t really trust our neighbors, maybe some, but we lock our doors and hide our stuff. We fear each other. We want a job and fear another human might get it. We fear getting fired or losing our job from a human. We now fear the food we eat, the schools we go to, losing our homes that we have worked so hard to keep. And who is responsible for all this fear that we have accepted and allowed? Humans… 
 
Mankind lives in a state of constant fear of losing something. We might have a good day, or what we call a good day, because we have numbed ourself in one way or another to forget about our fear for a moment. I mean we even fear how we look – what we are wearing…
Thus Man Know Thyself – But we Deny, refuse to admit or acknowledge our true nature which is fear, and fear causes abuse.

I have been working with the Desteni principle for 4 years now, and its main purpose is for us to see our true nature and do something about it before we destroy ourselves as a species. Within this we are working a process, a journey to uncover and take a look at our true nature. What we accept and allow in our world/planet Earth. I call it “To Become Self Realized You Must Reverse Engineer Yourself.”

What this means is to take each thought, feeling and emotion and go into reverse, go backwards into your past and find as see how and why you created these thoughts, believes in yourself, others and the world. When we see and understand how our thoughts and believes have created a world of inequality and suffering though reverse engineering. That is what people do when they have something and they want to see how it was made – they take it apart all they way to the beginning, thus they now know how it was made.
Thus this is what Man Know Thyself really means. We take our thoughts to the origin and discover how it was made… Then we will know how to change

Check out Desteni I Process for the Journey to Self Awareness and also Equal Money.org - start to support a system where all of Life can benefit.

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Day:43 OMG What I am I going to DO With My Hair!

As I work with my Mother Mind Construct in my DIP course I can see many areas where I have defined who and what I think I am through and by my interactions with my mother.

For example: When she would be concerned about how I looked. I had coarse frizzy hair and it was very hard to manage. I use to iron it in high school so it would be straight. I had great concerns how my hair would look - I would hear in my mind my mother saying "Are you going to do something with your hair?."

How I heard it in my mind was one of... hmm...say urgency. It seem to me that it was urgent to her that I do something with my hair. lol - Like I hope you are not going to go out like that - what will people think of you if they see your hair that way.


Thus within this I became very self conscious about how my hair looked. As I think of it now - this was very stressful for young kid - You wake up in the morning and your first thought is -omg - my hair -I have to "fix' it!!! And I must say this was not an easy task- to get it to go right. I had to create an image in my mind of what "cute" will look like. I would imagine people that had cute hair and try to make it look like that. I suppose I got the idea of what cute was through Television and magazines. They would tell you what was in style - how to do it - so you would be considered, cool, cute.

So how did I start to define who I was within this?

I felt my hair was not good enough
I felt that I looked ugly if my hair was not fixed in the right fashion - and since I had hard to control hair - I assumed I was ugly.
I was always self conscious about my hair - meaning sometimes I could get it right, but not for long as it would frizz up in damp weather.
I feared damp weather because it would mess up my hair - and all the work it took to fix it.
Most of all I felt that something was wrong with me.(This comes from other experiences as well)
I also believed my mother did not like me because the tone of her voice (Not understanding at that time - that she was also conditioned to think like that and as a result I took it as she did not like me because her tone of voice was not gentle, but it felt like she was accusing me of something)
Thus I may have even associated my name, Adele, to not being good enough. (...interesting we are working on Names and tonal pronunciations within them and how we have subconscious and unconsiousnes reactions when we hear our name say within specific tones.)

I mean I can not blame all these experiences because of my- it was TV and magazines that shaped how we thought about things. I came to understand later in my life that all this was commercialism- social mind manipulation to sell us things - keep us thinking we could be more and have more, thus essentially telling us we could be better if we dressed this way or bought these things.


To follow I will do Self Forgiveness on these thoughts

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Day 42 Deconstructing Memories from Childhood and the Past

Since I have so many things going on in my mind that I “think” I can’t make a choice on what to submit for my blog – I am going to stick with one thing for now.

Deconstructing Memories from Childhood and the Past 

>>>>>She did not see me
Also as I got older Mom always was worried about what I was wearing and how my hair looked. I would come into the kitchen and she would say is that what you are wearing, do something with your hair. I felt like a thing/ not a person that she needed to show off so she could feel good.
Because mom kept doing this to me (bugging me about how I looked or acted – instead to really talk to me, I never could really talk to her, because she did not see me - she just saw a “daughter” that she wanted to make in her image so she would get approval of her peers. It was like she didn’t even want to get to know me at all, she just wanted me to look good for others, so she would look good.

Never talk to her again
Time In Lexington

This made me an angry kid and this went on all the time. One time I remember (Time in Lexington) I wanted to talk to Mom about something important to me, as I started to talk, she said something like “honey are you going to do something with your hair” - she did not even hear me or want to hear me - This was about when I was a young teen around 12 or 13, I became so angry, it was like that time the scales where tipped - this happened so often, that day I vowed to never talk to her again - and I didn’t. What I mean by that is I never shared anything with her about me, she was just this person I had to live with, who I had to ask to do things. Like I want to go to my friend’s house, stuff like that. She never knew me.

[[[Note – Later on in my life during that time in Lexington I did not realize what was happing to her. She was pregnant and my father was cheating on her – he had a girlfriend and I took her anger as being with me, something I must have done…. Sad I did not know this and carried the anger at her for all those years.]]]

We mostly argued - a lot. Every time I asked her “why”, like why cant I do that, she would just say, because I said so. I wanted explanations, so I could learn and understand.
I felt she did not see me as anything that deserved and explanation, and in my mind she was the enemy now, just something I had to endure until I got older and could move out of the house.

Disclaimer:
Please understand that these writings are not about "complaining about my childhood." Or about blaming what I perceived as others doing something to me. I am writing my experiences that we unconsciously carry with us into our lives so we may see where we hold blame, judgment, self insecurity and anger and to come to an understanding that this is not who we are - but who we have believed we are. Within this with self forgiveness and corrective application we can change the very nature of ourselves to one of a dignified Life and not be directed emotionally.

To be continued...

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Day 41 - Mother Want Me to Look Cute Pt3

I have update Part 2 Of Mother Waning Me to Look Cute to be more thorough

-->Mind Construct on Mom

-->--> Wanting me to look cute

-->-->--> At the park with cousin and Moms

-->-->-->-->Moms fussing over us and how we looked

-->-->-->--> I was becoming annoyed as they were staring at us saying we were cute

-->-->-->-->-->I did not like having to wear those clothes to look cute

 -->-->-->-->-->-->I did not like feeling as I was in a competition or on stage

-->-->-->-->-->-->--> It felt like we were entertainment for the adults – toys for the adults to play with

-->-->-->-->Moms fussing over us and how we looked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated because Mom fussed over the cloths I was to wear so I would look cute.

-->-->-->--> I was becoming annoyed as they were staring at us saying we were cute

I forgive myself that at a young age I became annoyed when my mother and aunt were staring at us in Pride because they dressed us up to look cute and within this I forgive myself that I then through out my years had always became annoyed when I had to get dressed to go out in public

I forgive myself that I at a young age did not like being looked at because I felt I was being judged for how I looked feeling that if I did not look this certain way that mom and aunt liked that they would be displeased and annoyed. And thus within this I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I looked to others as I feared being disapproved of because I was not wearing the right cloth or hair.

-->-->-->-->-->-->I did not like feeling as I was in a competition or on stage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am in a completion or on stage to where people are looking at you to look good when I am trying to get dressed to go out in public because of the memory of my mother and aunt putting pressure on us as young girls to were cloths and fix our hair so we would look cute.

-->-->-->-->-->-->--> It felt like we were entertainment for the adults – toys for the adults to play with.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of when I was very young (about 3 or 4 yrs old) when my mom had dressed be up to go out and show us off because we looked cute and that I felt we were entertainment for them and I felt we were like dolls/toys that one played dressed up with.

I forgive myself that when I am getting dressed or trying to style my hair and the feeling of frustration to find cloths that “look good

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to go into frustration when I am trying to find cloths to wear as the thoughts come up of I need to look cute in my cloths

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to become stressed when I am looking for cloths to wear because I want them to fit well and look cute.

I forgive myself that at a young age I was being infused with the “must look cute program” even though I resisted it – I was still owned by the idea because I accepted and allowed myself to judge mom and people who wanted to look cute/good for others so they would be accepted and complemented on how they looked by what cloths and hair they wore. And thus this was infused into me even though I resisted it.

I forgive myself that even though I resisted my Mom and her friends to want me to look cute as I felt at that age they were doing it for themselves and not for what was best for me but doing it so that they would feel like “good mothers because we looked cute” as I got older I did not want to dress for others but I did though I resented it and hated it and thus within this I hated my Mom and her friends because I believe they where dishonest by wanting to live and please others/ wanting approval to be seen as “good mothers.”

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to hate my Mom and her friends, to blame my Mom and her friends for making/wanting me to look cute – thus within this I have allowed myself to blame my Mother for my insecurity about looking cute/ dressing cute/ wearing my hair cute that every time I go to dress or I look in the mirror I worried about if I had the right cloths on that would look cute and if I could get my hair to look nice. And thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to most of my life worry what I look like that has caused stress for me when I went to get dressed or tried to fix my hair. 

Day 40: Mother Stuff Pt 2 Wanting Me to Look Cute

I like big hair and I cannot lie. (Photo credit: Serena.)

This is a continuation from Mother Stuff Pt 1 Wanting me to Look Cute

Self  Forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated because Mom fussed over the cloths I was to wear so I would look cute.

I forgive myself that at a young age I was being infused with the “must look cute program” even though I resisted it – I was still owned by the idea because I accepted and allowed myself to judge mom and people who wanted to look cute/good for others so they would be accepted and complemented on how they looked by what cloths and hair they wore. And thus this was infused into me even though I resisted it.

I forgive myself that I at a young age did not like being looked at because I felt I was being judged for how I looked feeling that if I did not look this certain way that mom and aunt liked that they would be displeased and annoyed. And thus within this I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I looked to others as I feared being disapproved of because I was not wearing the right cloth or hair.

I forgive myself that even though I resisted my Mom and her friends to want me to look cute as I felt at that age they were doing it for themselves and not for what was best for me but doing it so that they would feel like “good mothers because we looked cute” as I got older I did not want to dress for others but I did though I resented it and hated it and thus within this I hated my Mom and her friends because I believe they where dishonest by wanting to live and please others/ wanting approval to be seen as “good mothers.”

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to hate my Mom and her friends, to blame my Mom and her friends for making/wanting me to look cute – thus within this I have allowed myself to blame my Mother for my insecurity about looking cute/ dressing cute/ wearing my hair cute that every time I go to dress or I look in the mirror I worried about if I had the right cloths on that would look cute and if I could get my hair to look nice. And thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to most of my life worry what I look like that has caused stress for me when I went to get dressed or tried to fix my hair.

Day39:I always feel better after Writing and Posting SF – So why am I not doing it?

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to listen to the backchat in my mind about why not to write – Shit I have so many excuses…

TIME is the biggest one - and then that has a ton of layers to it, because this idea of I don’t have the time is not true. I just don’t want to do it. I think it takes to long to do.

So let have a look at “It takes to long to do”

 What believes are I am accepting and allowing within this statement? I am going to list them all – so I can see them and re-program them

When I think it “Takes to long to do” this statement seems to be the one that validates my excuse not to do it. I also have this with school work which causes great stress as well.

Thus the physical consequences are – physical stress – frowning – tighten up my breathing.

Backchat.

• If I do this I won’t have time to do the other things that need done.
• This takes to long to do
• My posts are not as good as others – It will take me too long to learn to do it right
• I am so far behind of the others in DIP and 7yr journey blogs
• I wish this was over and we could start living life – lol – I want to be done with this ( I laugh because I am living life – thus I have a believe that doing things that take to long is not living life – thus I fear I am going to miss out on something – because I am doing something I don’t like to do)
• My body hurts from sitting so much at the computer as most all my obligations are done on the computer
• I worry about posting these types of post as they are personal as to my Desteni process and others will not understand if they read it.
• I have so much other stuff going through my mind as backchat as to what I should write about (I have about 20 writing or more that I have started but not finished and thus have not posted)
• I have all ready written about 2000+  forum posts of writing to freedom and SF in the first 2 -3 years so I do not need to write as much
• I have DIP to write also – this is too much writing
• There are always more suggestions to what to write about – thus I don’t know if I should write about this or that – so I allow myself to not want to write at all
• I really hate to write – I believe it is difficult for me – Others are more programmed to write I am not.
• I have not written enough to post it. – I will wait then.

That is all I can see at the moment that is my backchat regarding writing. As I read the above backchats – I see that it is not all just about time…

Things I like about writing = It is really self empowering when I do it!  Thus then to also look at the resistance I have towards self empowerment… I can not see this points as of yet except self empowerment also equals self responsibility so I will take a look at that later. I think the above is enough for now to work on.

Love God so he will support you to work your ass off for the Elite and you will be rewarded in the “After Life.”

CHICAGO - AUGUST 24: A sign hangs outside a Burger King restaurant on August 24, 2010 in Chicago, Illinois. Burger King Holdings Inc., the No. 2 U.S. burger chain, reported its fourth-quarter net income fell nearly 17 percent following weak sales and increased costs for ingredients and packaging. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

I started working when I was around 13yrs old. I would do ironing for my mom’s friends and get paid some money. Then when I got a bit older I started to baby sit for money. Then when I was 16yrs old I started working at a local Family owned convenience store where I learning to run cash register, use a meat slicer to cut cheese and deli meats, then I became a cook/waitress for the small eating bar in the back of the store. I did all of this while going to school as well…
Gee I can not think of a time when I did not work to make money so I could buy things my parents didn’t have the money for. My dad had a used car lot and I could buy a car from him at “his” wholesale price which I thought was cool. But I paid my own insurance – well most everything I paid for except as place to live and food at home. I would get a few cloths for Christmas – but if I wanted something else I worked to get it.

I am 59yrs old and I am still working to pay for living.
I didn’t question it much back then – I just knew I had to work so I could have the money to buy what I needed or wanted, so I did. I also had jobs at K-Mart and Burger King during high school age. Then I went to x-ray school for 2 yrs after high school. There was a program at that time where you got paid a little bit to take the course.
I learned to become very independent at a young age and at that early time in my life I liked working because it keep me out of the house as my Mother and I argued a lot, so I did not want to be at home. All I knew was you had to work to survive, so I did.

I had many dreams when I was young. One of them was to be a champion swimmer, just because I loved to be in the water. I would go to the pools in the summer all day when I had the chance. Another dream was to have a horse. I loved riding horses and wished I could have had the money to buy one or join a 4H club. I was a bit upset that my parents did not help me pursue those dreams – they did not feel they were important or they did not have the money to spend on it. In other words how would those things assist me in survival in this world where you needed to do/learn something that you can make an income to support yourself?

I use to be sad a lot because I never got to do those things that I loved so much as a kid. I still had the dreams to do those things, but the years keep going and I was still working to make ends meet, never really making enough to have/do those things.

I was being raised to be a consumer for the Elite so they could do and have all of those things and keep the massed enslaved – working hard so they never had the time or energy to question how the world worked. We became sheeple with the carrot of the “American Dream” only to at a late time in ones life you look back and go --- geee I worked my whole life and now I am tired and my dreams are not fulfilled. I have been a Slave to the System. And then they tell you to love God, have a family and kids because that is all that really matters, so you wont get discouraged and keep supporting the system. If you love God – God will support you. It is the fantasy/lie they use to keep us enslaved. Love God so he will support you to work your ass off for the Elite and you will be rewarded in the “After Life.”
I mean look at the world – look at the past/history. Like Egypt for example. How many slaves where there to the work for the few – built there temples, castles, tombs. The many working to fulfill the dreams of a few. And because the few had verbal skills – using words to Tell the people want they wanted and for some reason we listened to them, why??? Why did we not stand up for ourselves and create a world where all could have a dignified life? We were afraid. But why? Why do we allow this – when it is Us – the many who really have the power! Is it because of the lies that we accepted and allowed to be true? Why did we accept them?

There are answers and solutions to these questions at Desteni.org. But one must want to see and understand our nature then have the courage to change it, or one will be a slave always.
Support the life you want for you for everyone at Equal Money. Org

Day 35: Being Cheap

We have created a world where we do not value all of Life, nature and others as ourselves.

Thus within this creation emerged the manifestation of the MONEY SYSTEM where we values money instead of LIFE.

Money Consumes Us – We are losing our LIFE to MONEY – WE THINK MONEY GIVES US LIFE AND THUS HAVE MADE MONEY EQUAL TO = LIVING

I saw some backchat within myself when I did not want to pay for postage on a package because it was going to be heavy – thus costing me more money.

Then I though – ghee you are being cheap. I see how we always have to consider money within most anything we do! To send my brother a package – I have to consider money

It is not the idea that I am being cheap – or thinking cheap thoughts – But that I see that I value the paper- the money more than sending the package.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be born onto a planet where we value Money more than LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to send someone something because it cost money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I fear to spend money on certain things because I only have so much at a time – and that I therefore become cheap on stupid things at times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned by money

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea that one has to be cheap because of our idea of money as the reason of whether or not we should give someone something as we value and fear lack of money for survival. 

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Day 33: Resistance – I DECIDE

What I saw this morning as backchat as resistance to start the day.

It is because I am thinking as all these things as a “Have to do” thus drudgery. It is like chores that you mother might have for you that need to be finished before you can go out and play! Lol that’s how it feels. So what I am doing instead to enjoy it, is a feeling to hurry and get things done so I can play – thus the feeling and fear/anxiety if I have to many things to do I will miss the day, meaning I can not play for that day

So my Resistance IS – How am I going to get time to play with all of these Chores? Instead to see it as MY DAY AND WHAT I DO. In other words I have to define the word play and work as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not seen or understood that I have been accepting and allowing myself to start each day of my life with and Idea of play/fun and work/hard and I have separated the two as work being bad/hard something to be done with as soon as possible so I can do the opposite which is play/good/fun.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself as of yet to see/understand and change this belief behavior of fun/good/play and work/hard/bad/ get it over with. And thus within this I have been waking up in the morning with anxiety, resistance and the feeling of drudgery to start my day.

I see so clearly now how I have run my whole life like this, from a little child. The want/desire to play and thus work became hard because I made it a stress to hurry and get through as I saw it as taking something away from me – I saw it as taking fun away from me. Wow…This I see, realize and understand what Bernard said about why the world will not change, because it is so hard to give up self interest and work.   

August 7, 2012

Resistance – I DECIDE 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up today feeling groggy today as I forgot and slipped into the mcs of/for feeling foggy/groggy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I DECIDE, and thus I was decided to feel groggy this morning.

I forgive myself that I have been accepted and allowing myself to BE/LIE –VE  that I do not want to do my writing and school work and all the stupid excuses that the mind is feeding me to not do it. Thus I forgive myself that I forgot that I DECIDE and was living in/as the be/lie of the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that another excuse is that there is so much to do, and if I don’t do it all I will miss something, thus I have been accepting and allowing myself to use that excuse as a reason to not do anything because the mind is telling me you will miss something, where should you start, if you start that you wont have time for this, blah, blah.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that I have some really cool ideas for SF that come out through the day, and then when it comes time to write I have forgotten it or to lazy to write that out, by the time I go to write. And then I go into frustration and resistance about what to write.

I forgive myself that I am using the excuse that I “wish” I did not have school so I can spend lots of time writing with Desteni and thus using that excuse as frustration and resistance to write SF and School work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I have done enough for the day and thus spend  the rest of the evening watching TV – when I can use that time to what I agreed with myself that I would do….

Thus I really want to push through this because >> I DECIDE << I want to stop listening and believing in the mind which says I cant or don’t want to for no good reason at all except that’s what it has always done- THAT I HAVE ACCEPTED AND ALLOWED IT TO BE THE DIRECTOR OF MYSELF, by allowing myself to BE/LIE being the beliefs that the mind was/is programmed to tell me, beliefs that are fuzzy logic designed for man not to get free and follow imaginary thoughts made up by the mind and not to see and live HERE in and as the physical.

SCS – Thus when I see these thoughts of resistance –I understand that this is NOT ME DIRECTING SELF - I stop – I then see/realize that I CAN DIRECT ME, I DECIDE.

When I feel/think or believe that I have done enough for the day and I have not done what I agreed with myself to do and use the excuse "time for TV" when in fact I want to get it done - I STOP and realize that I DECIDE. I stop accepting and allowing these stupid excuses as I see now it is a habit that I have not as yet stood up to. 

See

"Stepping out of Character" from the Creations Heaven Journey. http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/


An added note >>

SCS Resistance - from Reptilians part 20

Make sure when you face resistance that you solidify your decision of who you are within you and your living and your participation in this world and this reality. I mean you can’t get a more beautiful and assistance and support solidifying that decision of who you are within yourself and your Life experience. It cannot get simpler than that.

That is all you have to do. When resistance come, note: “ I do not accept and allow this resistance, I have made a decision who I am, what I am walking and doing in myself and my life. I am preparing to live as an example of equality and oneness. Not only for myself, but for all. And to do this I have to push through this resistance, so I push, I do what must be done, and I walk myself into preparing me for all as me.