Day 120 Attached to an Outcome

The other day I was talking to a friend on the phone about, lets call it “Spiritual” Stuff. To me that mean talking about the Mind – Since it is the Mind you can not see and thus can be called spirit. Anyway, when we were finished talking I realized that I was exhausted. I ask myself “why are you so tired?” What came loud and clear was that “You are trying to “Convince and Convert.” I was like Oh Wow, yes. I saw that while I was talking to this person that the energy behind my words where actually wanting an outcome.

 I wanted her to see it my way, I wanted my words to have an impact, I was attached to an outcome as my started point. And then as I investigated this further is goes hand in hand with “wanting to be heard” as a way to be validated. I want validation for my thoughts, as I define my thoughts as Me. When I saw this realization it was like within my physical body that a balloon had deflated. In other words, I had not seen that my body was tense while talking because the starting point was that I wanted to convince instead of just talk. 

I decided to call her back and apologize. I told her what I saw, and she said –oh that did not feel that way to me – it seemed just like a discussion. I was like wow – so that is how I saw it within myself and that is why the conversations drain me, because my started point is that “I need you to hear me.”  This comes from a childhood experience that I have been doing a Mind Construct on with the Desteni DIP course. I will not get into that here.

So bottom line is, I thought that was cool to see that insight right after that occurrence And also see the effect it had on my body as exhaustion.

I am not saying that this habit is gone – as it is who I have lived as my whole life without even noticing! But I am now on the look out for it. The cool thing I realized is that this does not me I have to stop sharing insights with others, but just to stop the energy drain that I do to myself, by “wanting and outcome.” .

 

 



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I started doing the Art of Self Investigation in 1997. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. . There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery that assists one to learn how to write yourself to Freedom.