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| Scared child (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
So then I have seen that I have been doing all of Desteni stuff out of fear!! Fear I won’t make it – fear I am not doing the right thing. Fear that I wont be liked if I do not do it – to the point that I think – I just should stop with Desteni because I fear not to stop, meaning I am not really doing it for myself – but out of fear of not doing the right thing- Which is what I internally battle with all the time.
I fear that there is someone or something that will judge me if I don’t do the right thing. And that is crazy within myself because there are SO MANY OPINIONS about what is right and what is wrong. I then become frozen within myself as what to do.
I think this is why I really liked and got into drinking a lot most my life time was because I was afraid to make a decision – and when drinking I just did not care about making a right or wrong decision. When drinking I was not hard on myself. I did go into emotional self pity when love interests did not work out how I wanted them to – but I did not judge myself like I do now. I even accepted my self pity. When drinking I did not care much what other thought, unless I wanted something from them.
All this is backchat that in my heart and soul I believe is not valid – and I really do trust Desteni in what is being taught to birth Life into the physical. I want to do it for Me – For Life – not because I am afraid I wont make it – that is a crappy starting point and one that is compromising me.
What is also compromising me within procrastination – is that there is no Freedom in it anyway! In fact it cause more stress and guilt within myself and there is no freedom within worrying about waiting till last minute to get things done. The biggest thing coming up again when I have the thought of doing it sooner than later – Is I will then go into guilt because now I have more time to get more “should does” done!! Gee And then I heard just now within backchat – you will get more confused as to what to do next and think you should be doing more – feeling like it will be never ending. How is that for mind fucking you!
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I started doing the Art of Self Investigation in 1997. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. . There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery that assists one to learn how to write yourself to Freedom.
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