Day 100 Distractions, Real or Imaginary

All in the Mind (novel) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

False Mind Distractions

Okay I thought I was distracted before – now I have given myself even more opportunities for distraction by having a roommate/friend move in– but what is revealing about this is – that the distraction I had before were all in the mind – thus not real – and now I have some real distractions – So what this has showed me is that – I have made up the distractions before – and now I have real ones – so it is like I manifested it into the physical!! Geee. But also interesting enough – is that I can now see physical distractions that I know I need to work around and stay focused. Thus showing me my other mind distraction were really excuses and how silly it was to engage in them. Seems I am more determined or it seems more valid to push through the real physical distractions than the imaginary ones…

Physical Distractions

 Interesting... I wonder why that is so? Why am I thinking it is more important to push through the physical distractions than the mind ones? And I seem more motivated…Well it is not like I did not want to push through the mind distractions it is that it just seemed harder – like relentless backchat chatter all the time. And now I have something tangible to deal with as in Real physical distractions.
What I am seeing is that life is showing me through reality that I can do it? Am I saying the I see the imaginary ones of mind backchat and chatter as more difficult? – Yes I am saying that… But it does not make sense that it should be so. Thus another reveling aspect of the MCS that I have been accepting and allowing. I think the mind backchat is greater than me. But I can see that this is something I learned and perfected – to believe the mind is superior to life – to what is here and Real.


I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to believe the mind backchat and chatter are more real than what is really here.
I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to believe that distraction in the mind as imaginations are real than what is actually true.

The bottom line is that I don’t want to do some things – and then that is when I accept and allow mind distractions – trying to valid to myself why I don’t want to do something.

Related articles

• The Inner Tug of War of Positive and Negative Experiences: DAY 250
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Day 76 Disappointment as Anger "I am doing it Wrong"

Angry Talk (Comic Style) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am walking a SRA2 mind construct – and every time I summit what I have and I get feed back to do more – find more, go deeper, my immediate reaction is anger that I am justifying as what I submitted is not seen as enough, not good enough, and then I go into self disappointment and frustration that I am not doing it right, it is not good enough, and I want to quit, I want to get it over with, and move on.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to every time I get feed back I want it to be okay, meaning when it sent it in - I felt I did my best and I wanted to move on, and then I react when it is suggested to do more, as I am seeing it as disappointment and then I start to get disappointed and do not want to continue. And then I become agitated within my being and start to become angry at everything I have to do. It sets off this whole chain reaction, where my chest gets tight from holding in the anger, (suppressed disappointment) and I start to limit my breathing, like hold my breath in anger. I get disappointed and angry at my buddy thinking/believing she does not understand me and feels I need to do it a certain way where in then I take it personally – like she doesn’t understand – she doesn’t see it my way. I think this comes from my reactions towards and with my mother – where I felt she never saw me as good enough. And therefore I go into an anger reaction when someone suggests to me do something different or more, as I take it personally as not being good enough. Geee…

No wonder I am avoiding doing these MC – the disappointment I feel is extreme. Like wanting approval and not getting it. And it is really ANGER – that I suppressed, not self honestly investigated. It had been what I always do – I mean what do you do with anger? Act on it? Hurt someone – or suppress it.
I think is what has been causing my chest congestion and coughing- continual suppression of anger and fear.

I forgive myself that I have not seen or realized that I am holding this suppressed fear and anger of believing that I am not approved of and with in this I have been compromising myself and my body. 

When I am doing or starting to do my SRA assignment and I see resistance starting I breath and stop following the feeling of resistance and mind backchat of "this is hard" I dont want to do this" and I realize that I am doing this for ME. That this is an opportunity to get specific with my subconscious and unconscious mind patterns and see where I am still holding onto believes that I have been accepting and allowing. And when I get feed back and I react instead of going into disappointment, I now start to see it as what can I do, how can I cooperate within myself to get this done. And I realize my resistance is a MCS pattern of not wanting to go beyond my comfort zone and not wanting to do the work.     

I comment myself to not accepted and allow myself to give up on myself.

Note since I have been writing out these realizations within doing my SRA assignments I have been able to move through them without the extreme resistance I was having before.

I the next blog I will share insights as I go over the definition of Disappointment

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• Disappointment turned into Procrastination.
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Day 74 Observing Disappointment Backchat

Deutsch: Phrenologie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I saw the other day how I became disappointed that the dog next door is out – and now I cannot let Molly out because they fight.


I saw that my first reaction within my mind as backchat was – disappointment. Now things are not going well – oh boy something else to worry about. And within this I felt heavy as in wanting to give up on life as another burden to bare. What I saw within this is how:


I forgive myself that instead of seeing and finding a solution to a perceived problem that I have been accepting and allowing myself to go into disappointment as suppressed anger for things not working out with ease.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to when I saw that the dog next door was outside and Molly got upset that I went into disappointment as suppressed anger that now I have to do something different as in not letting Molly out to run free, which I accepted and allowed within my mind to be a nuisances, instead to just see the situation for what it is and to stably make a change that would be best.


I have been seeing that All my breaths were one of disappointment - my whole life - I am now starting to be able to trace this personality that I developed within many of my actions and believes as they come up.


Note: this topic has opened a whole new can of worms or should I say snakes! I edited and posted the chat from today on LF and added some insights I had for myself. I have usually pushed through postponement as energy movement - which I am seeing lately is/was not really dealing with the problem.



My daily thing recently is postponement to work on my start up business. I have been having extreme resistance daily/hourly with this, to the point of panic and fear of failing and the fear that I am having this fear. 
What I saw within the topic of our chat “When Anger is Inverted to Disappointment” is that I am resisting because of past acceptance and allowance of disappointment with business ventures within my life, and also not being supported by my parents in these ventures. 
Mom would say “honey – why don’t you just get a job that pays good benefits.” In other words how I saw it was that she was “disappointed” that I wanted to start a business of my own, and thought it better I just work for someone. So as I get into starting a venture or project and soon afterwards I would start go into fear as disappointed from past experiences. 

Note: Since I have seen this point about living as disappointment- about 2 weeks now, like I have said, I  can see it in my backchat, to the point that now I have been able to direct better.  Just today a kitchen cabinet door broke off its hinges and before when I was not aware of the accumulating disappointment thoughts/backchat I would of went into a mind possession of "Oh No, now this! Gee, now I have to get it fix, there is something else I have to do, my trailer is falling apart, poor me...etc. But as I started to go there I could see - Ah Disappointment character. And I just stopped those thoughts. And I remember I no longer want to accept and allow myself to live life as disappointment. It was almost like - oh cool - this will be easy to fix. :-) LOL

Related articles

• Day 310: The Children of the Law of One (Part Three)
• When Anger is Inverted to Disappointment
• My Experience with Anger Inverted to Disappointment
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Day64: The Love That Got Away PT2

English: Love Book - The Top 50 Most Trusted Experts Reveal Their Secrets for Relationship Success (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Continuing  with Blog – The Love That Got Away.

As I was pondering my long time ago relationship, I got some insights. One is that I am still living that relationship as me now HERE. I saw another show of Deep Space Nine, where Benjamin was in the worm hole talking with the Profits. The Profits where trying to understand humans. Benjamin was trying to explain time to them. He was saying that we live in a place where things are linear. They follow after each other, and thus we can see past as time as we move to another moment.. And the Profits kept saying But You Are HERE. And what they were showing him was that he was living in his mind as a time loop of a year ago when his wife had died and he had failed to save her. Thus indicating that if you are linear – why are you Here – meaning living in the past moment with anger and fear of what had happened. Well long story short, he snapped out of it. He realizing that in his mind he was not living linear – but staying and living as the sorrow and anger and thus missing his moments of life as the present, not seeing others or life around him. 

For me I saw that when it came to a partnership interest, someone coming into my life as a potential partner – that I was/would live that moment where I thought I had failed a good relationship. And because of that, when I had an opportunity for a partner, all kinds of memory pictures come up of that time. I then feared getting involved again, fearing that I would fail. 

I also see that we do this for many things. Anything that we accepted and allowed to made an emotional charge imprint within our minds with a label as good. or bad – we carry with us, most of us our whole entire life – and we never do really live HERE. We live in the mind. And at Desteni and the Desteni I Process we are becoming self intimate - we study ourselves and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to believe, by understanding our emotions and feelings and how they can enslave us to live life in constant time loops and never really know how to live HERE as the Physical. 

So back to my relationship, I mentioned that I call her and we did talk. While I was waiting to see if she would call me back, I was thinking how we as humans all live in our own “personal reality”, meaning I wonder how she saw our relationship. I knew I had my version of it, what I believed happened. So I was hoping we could talk about it.

So what did we talk about? At first it was pleasantries, like how have you been, have you seen so and so, we talked about the people we knew together. Then she said – “So you had a dream about me?” lol – I am laughing now, because I was actually not going to initiate that conversation… If she did not – I probably would have not brought up our relationship – I was backing out, I got scared, I am a chicken! Then I would have regretted it, thank goodness she said something about it!

Next I will talk about what we talked about regarding our relationship

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Day 33: Resistance – I DECIDE

What I saw this morning as backchat as resistance to start the day.

It is because I am thinking as all these things as a “Have to do” thus drudgery. It is like chores that you mother might have for you that need to be finished before you can go out and play! Lol that’s how it feels. So what I am doing instead to enjoy it, is a feeling to hurry and get things done so I can play – thus the feeling and fear/anxiety if I have to many things to do I will miss the day, meaning I can not play for that day

So my Resistance IS – How am I going to get time to play with all of these Chores? Instead to see it as MY DAY AND WHAT I DO. In other words I have to define the word play and work as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not seen or understood that I have been accepting and allowing myself to start each day of my life with and Idea of play/fun and work/hard and I have separated the two as work being bad/hard something to be done with as soon as possible so I can do the opposite which is play/good/fun.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself as of yet to see/understand and change this belief behavior of fun/good/play and work/hard/bad/ get it over with. And thus within this I have been waking up in the morning with anxiety, resistance and the feeling of drudgery to start my day.

I see so clearly now how I have run my whole life like this, from a little child. The want/desire to play and thus work became hard because I made it a stress to hurry and get through as I saw it as taking something away from me – I saw it as taking fun away from me. Wow…This I see, realize and understand what Bernard said about why the world will not change, because it is so hard to give up self interest and work.   

August 7, 2012

Resistance – I DECIDE 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up today feeling groggy today as I forgot and slipped into the mcs of/for feeling foggy/groggy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I DECIDE, and thus I was decided to feel groggy this morning.

I forgive myself that I have been accepted and allowing myself to BE/LIE –VE  that I do not want to do my writing and school work and all the stupid excuses that the mind is feeding me to not do it. Thus I forgive myself that I forgot that I DECIDE and was living in/as the be/lie of the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that another excuse is that there is so much to do, and if I don’t do it all I will miss something, thus I have been accepting and allowing myself to use that excuse as a reason to not do anything because the mind is telling me you will miss something, where should you start, if you start that you wont have time for this, blah, blah.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that I have some really cool ideas for SF that come out through the day, and then when it comes time to write I have forgotten it or to lazy to write that out, by the time I go to write. And then I go into frustration and resistance about what to write.

I forgive myself that I am using the excuse that I “wish” I did not have school so I can spend lots of time writing with Desteni and thus using that excuse as frustration and resistance to write SF and School work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I have done enough for the day and thus spend  the rest of the evening watching TV – when I can use that time to what I agreed with myself that I would do….

Thus I really want to push through this because >> I DECIDE << I want to stop listening and believing in the mind which says I cant or don’t want to for no good reason at all except that’s what it has always done- THAT I HAVE ACCEPTED AND ALLOWED IT TO BE THE DIRECTOR OF MYSELF, by allowing myself to BE/LIE being the beliefs that the mind was/is programmed to tell me, beliefs that are fuzzy logic designed for man not to get free and follow imaginary thoughts made up by the mind and not to see and live HERE in and as the physical.

SCS – Thus when I see these thoughts of resistance –I understand that this is NOT ME DIRECTING SELF - I stop – I then see/realize that I CAN DIRECT ME, I DECIDE.

When I feel/think or believe that I have done enough for the day and I have not done what I agreed with myself to do and use the excuse "time for TV" when in fact I want to get it done - I STOP and realize that I DECIDE. I stop accepting and allowing these stupid excuses as I see now it is a habit that I have not as yet stood up to. 

See

"Stepping out of Character" from the Creations Heaven Journey. http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/


An added note >>

SCS Resistance - from Reptilians part 20

Make sure when you face resistance that you solidify your decision of who you are within you and your living and your participation in this world and this reality. I mean you can’t get a more beautiful and assistance and support solidifying that decision of who you are within yourself and your Life experience. It cannot get simpler than that.

That is all you have to do. When resistance come, note: “ I do not accept and allow this resistance, I have made a decision who I am, what I am walking and doing in myself and my life. I am preparing to live as an example of equality and oneness. Not only for myself, but for all. And to do this I have to push through this resistance, so I push, I do what must be done, and I walk myself into preparing me for all as me.

 

Day 28:Continue SF Postponement Backchat

Continuing with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

On Postponement Backchat

There should be more to life than doing the same thing all the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BE/LIVE in the idea that doing the same thing over and over is beneath me, that I was placing myself as a person who “should” be above repetitious work, thus as I am writing this I am seeing that I believed that I should be in Gods/ or some higher something favor, and thus this made me angry in the way that why is “God” doing this to me. I should be free from menial labor. Lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a world in my mind of fantasy and hope of a better place in a future instead to be Here in the present with me and LIFE, thus indicating that I be/lived that have no say so or power in the reality I am creating/ thus believing I am a victim of my circumstances and living in HOPE that someone/something out there has the responsibility to change life.

Thus within this I forgive myself that I have not understood by holding onto this belief that I have been abdicating responsibly for life and that this is one of the programmed belief system that has been responsible for us never evolving out of greed, wars, and abuse because we have been WAITING for something/someone/God to make this changes for us, and seeing that if WE WANT TO CHANGE WE HAVE TO DO IT, otherwise there is no FREE WILL.

Self Corrective Statements (SCS) 

When and if I see myself going into frustration or resentment when having to do repetitious work, I stop and breath and realize that this does not diminish who I am/ that this was just away to want to feel superior in a believe I was inferior and realize repetitious work is part of life and as such does not diminish, but support life.

  

Life should be fun and not work – and

I want to do something I want to do now that feels good or fun for me

This statement is similar to “There should be more to life than doing the same thing all the time”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me into a mind fuck of polarity of fun and not fun, labeling work as not  fun because it is something seen as “ I have to do it” thus feeling/believing that I am forced as a victim to work. Where in reality there is work I like to do. So to clarify – it is not work completely that I do not like. It is simply doing something that I rather not do at that time, because I want to do something else I had in mind – thus being totally directed by my emotions/feelings and thoughts that this would be more fun right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my total goal in life is to have fun – that is what “God” wanted – yet within this believe I have been living in self interest and not what is best for All – as I was only interested in my fun and not seeing or realizing that living in away that does not consider All of life – means you can not be Life As All as One as Equal. And as I am going through this process of learning Self direction instead of programmed ego/emotional direction, that I have more self worth and self love and interest for All than I ever had before.

SCS

When and if I go into backchat in my mind of “live should be fun – not work”, I stop – breath and realize that my idea of “fun” was programmed as self interest  and not supportive to Life as what is best for ALL, thus making me separate from what is actually HERE, and actually  ME and Living practically, thus I was not seeing/living true LIFE but living in a fantasy world within my mind.

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