Day 121 Understanding Tiredness

Wisdom of Forgiveness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been trying to notice my thoughts when I feel that “I am tired.” I wonder is this a legitimate tiredness, meaning do I need to rest or am I wanting to get out of doing something. This really takes some self honesty and many times I see that I just do not want to do something. And then the mental battle comes up of – you should do it – and I start to get exhausted by all these mental battles going on..  My astrology chart actually says I am prone to laziness, so I was born with it.

I have seen that I am not lazy when it is something that I want to do. But as I watch my thoughts – I am seeing mostly that tiredness is a state of Mind. That I can change it. What I am struggling with though is learning how not to use “energy” thoughts in my mind to pump me up, so to speak to do the things I need to do to change and stop living as a programmed robot of my designed astrology chart and become an actually living being designing a life that is best for All. 

So today I will share what I did that seemed to help. I became overwhelmed when I thought about writing for my blog- All the excuses can been seen on the Procrastination blog, that come up every time I go to write. I had read Anna’s blog about her struggles with the commitment to write a blog and in the end she said – I just did it – after all the excuses the only thing left was to just do it – and so I knew that it was my time – just do it.

Anyway as usual I became overwhelmed then really tired to the point of almost getting sick. So I laid down, closed my eyes and just focused on my body and allowed myself to slowing breath relax, then I started doing self forgiveness on all the backchat coming up. And then while in a relaxed state I started telling myself that “ I love to write, I love to blog” and I started to actually feel it emotionally or as a feeling of something that gave me fulfillment.  I went to the opposite feeling of dread to something that I would enjoy as fulfillment. Now I have heard that going to the opposite polarity is not the solution. But I could not do it any other way at this time. I had to trick my old thought program that was dread, doubt and fear into enjoyment. After I feel the joy, I was not tired anymore and I got up and started to write – the excuses where there a little bit but I just ignored them. But really in the end – I knew I would be pleased with myself after writing, because that does always happen when I finally do write, what I was getting stuck in was the pattern  of fear and excuses before I start writing and that made me want to avoid it.

So as I read this over, I did have to use a thought of joy instead of dread to get me to do the writing. So am I still using energy to get things done? I think so, but my body does respond to joy as in doing something fulfilling over the thought of dread for now.

 




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I started doing the Art of Self Investigation in 1997. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. . There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery that assists one to learn how to write yourself to Freedom.

Related articles

• 186.Physical Pains: I Did it to Myself
• Day 247: Overwhelmingness

Day 34: Fear I cannot let go of my personality

 Fear I cannot let go of my personality.

 So what is my personality? Well this one I am feeling would be called fear I can not change – Or fear of change?

 I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can not change

 I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to follow the mind thoughts of how can I change who I have always been? I don’t even know how to be anything different.

 I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to believe that I don’t know how to be anything different than who I have always been.

 I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to follow the thoughts of it is too hard to change who I have always been

 When and if I go into the thoughts of it is too hard for me to change which then causes a fear that I will die again as the same person who is stuck in a time loop of personalities created by the mind to protect its illusion – I stop and realized the mind is wanting to protect itself though using fear as a way to immobilize me/people to not change. Thus if I am in fear that I cannot change – I am stuck in that fear and can only see that and thus do not change.
 Thus when and if I see myself going into to FEAR – I see it is a (f)alse “EAR – meaning I stop listening to the falseness of this mind created illusion of fear. I stop listening as I h(ear) the (F)eedingEAR.


 I am also seeing that there is a personality that does not want to change – That says it is too hard- why bother, it is not fun, you could be doing something else.. blah, blah.

 I also see that I have said I want to change, I want to stand for Life – That meaning to me is to stop living as a mind program, but I judge or have reservations of what that really is, or more – it is me accepting and allowing the mind to make it a confusion and thus within confusion I do not act as I am spending time arguing within myself as what it is. Lol

 Thus I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to listen to the mind stories of polarity, good, bad, right wrong, and believing that I have to identify it all to make a decision of if I should stand. Thus again the mind creating con-fusion. Using con artists way of bullshit fuzzy logic to keep us fused to the Mind.

 When and if I see myself going into debate within myself as a form of confusion over what it means to stand – I stop – I stand. I do not accept and allow the con.

 Desteni Links
Desteni I Process Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Courses
 http://desteniiprocess.com/
 http://destonians.com/
 http://desteni.org
 http://equalmoney.org
 http://eqafe.com/ Self Perfection Books Audios and Music

 Great blogs to assist with this >> "Looking for More of Myself " from Heaven´s Journey to Life and "Stepping out of Character" from the Creations Heaven Journey. 

Day 33: Resistance – I DECIDE

What I saw this morning as backchat as resistance to start the day.

It is because I am thinking as all these things as a “Have to do” thus drudgery. It is like chores that you mother might have for you that need to be finished before you can go out and play! Lol that’s how it feels. So what I am doing instead to enjoy it, is a feeling to hurry and get things done so I can play – thus the feeling and fear/anxiety if I have to many things to do I will miss the day, meaning I can not play for that day

So my Resistance IS – How am I going to get time to play with all of these Chores? Instead to see it as MY DAY AND WHAT I DO. In other words I have to define the word play and work as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not seen or understood that I have been accepting and allowing myself to start each day of my life with and Idea of play/fun and work/hard and I have separated the two as work being bad/hard something to be done with as soon as possible so I can do the opposite which is play/good/fun.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself as of yet to see/understand and change this belief behavior of fun/good/play and work/hard/bad/ get it over with. And thus within this I have been waking up in the morning with anxiety, resistance and the feeling of drudgery to start my day.

I see so clearly now how I have run my whole life like this, from a little child. The want/desire to play and thus work became hard because I made it a stress to hurry and get through as I saw it as taking something away from me – I saw it as taking fun away from me. Wow…This I see, realize and understand what Bernard said about why the world will not change, because it is so hard to give up self interest and work.   

August 7, 2012

Resistance – I DECIDE 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up today feeling groggy today as I forgot and slipped into the mcs of/for feeling foggy/groggy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I DECIDE, and thus I was decided to feel groggy this morning.

I forgive myself that I have been accepted and allowing myself to BE/LIE –VE  that I do not want to do my writing and school work and all the stupid excuses that the mind is feeding me to not do it. Thus I forgive myself that I forgot that I DECIDE and was living in/as the be/lie of the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that another excuse is that there is so much to do, and if I don’t do it all I will miss something, thus I have been accepting and allowing myself to use that excuse as a reason to not do anything because the mind is telling me you will miss something, where should you start, if you start that you wont have time for this, blah, blah.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that I have some really cool ideas for SF that come out through the day, and then when it comes time to write I have forgotten it or to lazy to write that out, by the time I go to write. And then I go into frustration and resistance about what to write.

I forgive myself that I am using the excuse that I “wish” I did not have school so I can spend lots of time writing with Desteni and thus using that excuse as frustration and resistance to write SF and School work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I have done enough for the day and thus spend  the rest of the evening watching TV – when I can use that time to what I agreed with myself that I would do….

Thus I really want to push through this because >> I DECIDE << I want to stop listening and believing in the mind which says I cant or don’t want to for no good reason at all except that’s what it has always done- THAT I HAVE ACCEPTED AND ALLOWED IT TO BE THE DIRECTOR OF MYSELF, by allowing myself to BE/LIE being the beliefs that the mind was/is programmed to tell me, beliefs that are fuzzy logic designed for man not to get free and follow imaginary thoughts made up by the mind and not to see and live HERE in and as the physical.

SCS – Thus when I see these thoughts of resistance –I understand that this is NOT ME DIRECTING SELF - I stop – I then see/realize that I CAN DIRECT ME, I DECIDE.

When I feel/think or believe that I have done enough for the day and I have not done what I agreed with myself to do and use the excuse "time for TV" when in fact I want to get it done - I STOP and realize that I DECIDE. I stop accepting and allowing these stupid excuses as I see now it is a habit that I have not as yet stood up to. 

See

"Stepping out of Character" from the Creations Heaven Journey. http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/


An added note >>

SCS Resistance - from Reptilians part 20

Make sure when you face resistance that you solidify your decision of who you are within you and your living and your participation in this world and this reality. I mean you can’t get a more beautiful and assistance and support solidifying that decision of who you are within yourself and your Life experience. It cannot get simpler than that.

That is all you have to do. When resistance come, note: “ I do not accept and allow this resistance, I have made a decision who I am, what I am walking and doing in myself and my life. I am preparing to live as an example of equality and oneness. Not only for myself, but for all. And to do this I have to push through this resistance, so I push, I do what must be done, and I walk myself into preparing me for all as me.

 

Day 27:Postponement Backchat

Backchat – Postponement Character

Here I am writing different backchat that comes up during the day regarding the postponement character.

There should be more to life than doing the same thing all the time

Life should be fun and not work

I am tired

My body hurts when I sit too much

I don’t want to do this

I need to get other things done

I have too much to do already

I don’t know where to start because I have so much to do

I am TIRED (I see I get tired when I think of all that needs doing)

I want to do something I want to do now that feels good or fun for me

How am I going to get this all done

I am afraid that I have too much to do, how will I get it all done/overwhelmed

 (realization – when and if I start to get overwhelmed I realize all I need to do is look at my list for the day and understand that I always do get done what I need to and that it is the future projection of fear that I wont get it done that causes me to then get overwhelmed and then tired. When I make my list and follow it – I always get things done. It is the fear that wont is what is causing the postponement)

I am getting older now and life should not be as hard,

I am getting older now and I do not have the energy like I use too

Some Self Forgiveness By Sunette Check out Her Blog

·  I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how we as humanity have been conditioned to powerlessness, apathy in our individual relationship to existence- and how this manifest in me facing myself as the mind, where I see me as insignifcant in relation to my mind and so in moments where I am facing me as the mind, instead of realisng th emind is me, I am simply facing me, I make it more than what

Sunette> it is/overwhelming which then cause me in moments to so quickly give up/give in and manipulate myself with 'i don't know' than pushing myself to equalise me with myself and my mind as me\

·  Sunette> I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how - every human being accept and allow this manipulation in relation to the world/humanity of 'i don't know what to do' in how to change the world, but no one ever really investigated/put the effort in in really going deep into how things really work, that we don't want to put the effort in, as we do in our relationship with the mind, putting the effort in in getting to know how it works to so change ourselves as the mind, as we had become so used to having things instantaneously - in this:

·  I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that walking / putting in the effort and discpline into and as my relationship with me as the mind - is a step by step, seemingly 'menial process', but this is how I created me as the mind in the first place and so will take an equal and one process to change it, thus I commit myself to no more accept/allow the i don't know character/i don't want to see character to manipulate myself with, but to walk through the resistance and take that moment and really investigate/get to know me, so that I can change me, not only for me, but all as me and how that one menial point of pushing through he resistance/i don't know character is another step I take for me as all as me.

·  <Sunette> I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand - how, me accepting and allowing myself to go into the i don't know character, the i don't want to see - I am in that moment, actually accepting and allowing myself to go into HOPE, holding onto the HOPE of there one day magically arriving a miracle cure for humanity so that I don't have to walk the process - believing that, if I wait for others, their

<Sunette> process will save me and so I don't really have to do much, not seeing/realising/understanding that no individual human being can change another, and self will decide whether self will be part of this process of birthing life from the physical or not, it is each one's individual process and decision, and so

I commit myself to no more accepting and allowing myself to hold onto hope - as I see, realse and understand that with walking the mind as I have thus far, there is no other way human beings will change but taking responsibility for ourselves in walking the detail of the mind as ourselves into living correction

Day 14: Depression Turned Out to Be Regret

I have been feeling depressed a lot lately and I have been investigation what this might be about. I could not pin point it until yesterday. I knew it could not be from a specific reason - meaning like blaming it on something that happened because I know by now that we bounce around with good days and bad days, meaning something can happen to you on a day and you would see it as bad and another day the same thing could happen it it would not affect you at all. So I could not pin point what this feeling was really about.

Then it hit me as I was digging into my feelings and trying to see it in self honesty.

I was feeling and believing in regret for my life. For the things I thought and believed that were so called important to me to be/fulfill in my life. This takes on many forms of course but the one at this point was I thought I was not being all I could be from the perspective of create your own reality teachings. It was like a morning of all the dreams I had as a child and growing up - I was going to do this - I was going to be that . AND I saw I had this FEAR - that my time is coming to an end. I am older now - and my passion for these things are gone. NOW WHAT?? How do I life with out the passion I had before I turned 50 and saw that all my dreams were crashing?

I saw then that I was MOURNING that I was going to give up on these dreams!

But what was cool is that by now I knew that these dreams are not my own - they are given to us by the world as who and how we should be based on commercialism. Meaning I/we build up our life and how it should be lived by what others tell us is the right way or wrong way. Anyway this is extensive to go into all of that - but though Desteni and Desteni I Process I have seen many of this within me.

What I didn’t see that I was doing was still going into guilt and regret about by “dreams” being gone. Once I saw that, that is what I was holding onto - the depression stopped immediately because I knew it was bullshit! lol  I know the dreams we try so hard to fulfill our whole life and think we are failures if we don’t is not true. It is just something we went along with because we did not know any better.

I forgive myself that I was accepted and allowing myself to judge myself for not fulfilling my dreams, therefore within that self judgment I was becoming depressed, unable to move because I thought I had loss passion. But what was really happening is I was mourning the goodbye to these silly dreams that have kept me so busy all my life that I have forgotten how to LIVE HERE. That I had not been Living HERE in the present, with myself and life, but living for an imagined future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that life must be lived for a goal presented to us by society and commercialism and if I am not living that goal that I should not have self worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I was really just morning a decision I had made to let go of living in this world as a slave to the mind consciousness system and thinking/fearing/believing that I was going to miss something, like the “perfect relationship” that if I did not have that  - I was not living the dream. Or becoming a greater life - to most that means manifesting what you want, money, gold, a house - without consideration of even wanting to live as life as what is best for all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I lost my dreams I would lose myself.

I forgive myself that I have not seen that I had this fear of losing my dreams as myself and because of this I was becoming depresses and lethargic.

I am grateful to see this program within and when and if I see myself getting depressed I will stop and write to uncover the belief that I am hold about myself and my world and forgive myself, there for releasing myself from the programmed guilt and self blame as I know this is not who I am, but a program to keep me from being HERE, PRESENT as LIFE IN THE MOMENT.