Day 100 Distractions, Real or Imaginary

All in the Mind (novel) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

False Mind Distractions

Okay I thought I was distracted before – now I have given myself even more opportunities for distraction by having a roommate/friend move in– but what is revealing about this is – that the distraction I had before were all in the mind – thus not real – and now I have some real distractions – So what this has showed me is that – I have made up the distractions before – and now I have real ones – so it is like I manifested it into the physical!! Geee. But also interesting enough – is that I can now see physical distractions that I know I need to work around and stay focused. Thus showing me my other mind distraction were really excuses and how silly it was to engage in them. Seems I am more determined or it seems more valid to push through the real physical distractions than the imaginary ones…

Physical Distractions

 Interesting... I wonder why that is so? Why am I thinking it is more important to push through the physical distractions than the mind ones? And I seem more motivated…Well it is not like I did not want to push through the mind distractions it is that it just seemed harder – like relentless backchat chatter all the time. And now I have something tangible to deal with as in Real physical distractions.
What I am seeing is that life is showing me through reality that I can do it? Am I saying the I see the imaginary ones of mind backchat and chatter as more difficult? – Yes I am saying that… But it does not make sense that it should be so. Thus another reveling aspect of the MCS that I have been accepting and allowing. I think the mind backchat is greater than me. But I can see that this is something I learned and perfected – to believe the mind is superior to life – to what is here and Real.


I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to believe the mind backchat and chatter are more real than what is really here.
I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to believe that distraction in the mind as imaginations are real than what is actually true.

The bottom line is that I don’t want to do some things – and then that is when I accept and allow mind distractions – trying to valid to myself why I don’t want to do something.

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Day 96 Imagined Mind Conflicts

Desteni Artists

by Jessie

I have noticed that when I am in my mind/imagination going over things, talking to myself in the mind, especially like trying to explain myself, my thoughts, to someone or something, I am talking to someone, something else in my imagination, that I feeling like it is confrontation - and I notice that I get very stiff, my arms and shoulder become ridged and tight. It is like I am defending myself to some imaginary other being, or myself..... hm... Am I defending myself to myself?

Wow I just did it now, as I was trying to explain myself to myself. I tightened up physical in my body as in defensive mode. Why can I not have a conversation with myself without becoming or feeling defensive? Ah I just did it again as I was re-reading this, tensing up because I am trying to express myself in words. Ah I noticed it again when I am thinking - especially when I am thinking about what to say as words, as writing. What is it? Fear of confrontation; fear that I can not explain myself to where one will understand? Fear of exposing myself?

OMG- I think This is what Bernard meant when he talked about the policeman in your head! Yes that is what it feels like - I am always policing my thoughts defending my thoughts to the policeman! lol wow. I never saw this before - If I had not noticed that I am most always tightening up my body when I am thinking and questioned this I would have not understood. Thanks Body - lol
This is very interesting - every time I think my body tenses up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own thoughts to the point where I become defensive with myself. haha - that sounds bazaar!

I forgive myself that I have not seen or realized until now that when ever I am thinking as conversations within my mind/imagination that I have been tensing up my body where I now notice it especially in tightening up of my arms and shoulders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate my thoughts as one of expression and one of defense where in my expression in and as thoughts especially words are taken as or come from the starting point of defending myself.

Wherein this may be my resistance towards writing, because I feel that I have to defend my expression as words, thus I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to go into fear and stress when I have to write.

I forgive myself that I have been accepted and allowing myself to fear I can not express what I am wanting to say and thus will be judged.

Fear of Expressing as Words

I am seeing now that this fear manifested as a child, when wanting to express myself through words that I had to most always defend myself. As many times I was punished by parent and teachers for not using words correctly, or being reprimanded, saying I was wrong for thinking like that, and or I was made fun of by other children for the words I spoke, and I am sure I was guilty of doing the same to others.

Thus when I see or notice myself tensing up I realize that I am in the mind as imagination and self confrontation within the polarity swing of good or bad self conversations and the tension is the fear of thinking something wrong, policing my own thoughts , I stop breathe, and drop and relax my shoulders and arms, and become stable and present here as life, not emotions or feelings.

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