Saturday, March 23, 2013

Day 75 Disappointment turned into Procrastination.

English: Procrastination Crossword
English: Procrastination Crossword (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As I continue to investigate what and how I lived the past as a continuation of anger as suppression turned 
into disappointment for feeling and thinking like I was not supported along with many other things has manifested itself into my life at this time. This has led up to the point whe
re I have been almost completely unable to move without great effort to get things done. Within this I have been making myself sick with the constant backchat and fear of my own procrastination. And the fear that I know I am doing this and have not been able to stop.

Thus I am grateful that I found a name for this – that I can actually see the disappointment personality where as I had not seen it in this way before. What I am grateful for is because I just thought I had a sever problem with procrastination, and no matter what I did, it never went away – and then to the point of fearing it which of course makes it even worse.

Now I see that it is not really “procrastination” like a disorder. It is the idea and belief that I am and have lived life as disappointing – thus- duh – why would I want to do things, if life was disappointing? I see that I can correct this – that I can change my idea that life is disappointing instead to see these areas of what I have termed disappointment to living my life as a solution/ looking for a solution that would be best for the situation. I forgive myself that instead of seeing and finding a solution to a perceived problem that I have been going into disappointment as suppressed anger for things not working out with ease.

Disillusionment to Disappointment
I have been accepting and allowing myself to become disillusioned and disappointed that I can’t do anything –

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to go into disappointment, because I am disillusion by what is happening here as life as slavery and then go into energetic expression as depression.
OMG – I have to get OVER MYSELF!!

OMG Get over yourself Adele – lol! Quit going into feeling disappointed in yourself! And the world As Yourself – Quit being dis-appoint see definition

Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest. Similar to regret, it differs in that a person feeling regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while a person feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself.[1] It is a source of psychological stress.[2] The study of disappointment—its causes, impact, and the degree to which individual decisions are motivated by a desire to avoid it—is a focus in the field of decision analysis,[1][3] as disappointment is one of two primary emotions involved in decision-making.[4]

I might be on to something here! Procrastination is really a form of fear of disappointment for me. In area’s like Blog and Dip and My business – things like dishes and things that need to be done – I can do – but like going to the dentist is a fear that I will be disappointed… wow

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