Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Monday, May 27, 2013

Day 84 My Experience with a few Destonians – A Breath of Fresh Air



Equal Money System


The other day I got to meet and spend the day with 2 Destonians that are in an agreement with each other. I 
must say it was an extraordinary day! It was a breath of fresh air so to speak. I got to see two young Destonians ages under 30yrs really making a difference. I got to listen to their stories and share mine of who we have been and where we were headed in life until we got involved with Desteni. I got to hear how they have worked on their self’s for these past 5 years with Self honesty and Self forgiveness to the point where they are learning how to become the self directed principle in their life and learning to understand the principle of living life as what is best for all.  Note – we are not there yet, but that is the goal we are all working towards, which take constant dedication to understand what it means to be self honest, what it means to see how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live as emotional programs that have been set in place to manipulate and control us, to the point where we don’t question the state of our world that we all share, or that we look for solutions in dilutions of imaginary thinking.



The agreement was not the typical relationship that we have been programmed to follow. It was a couple who’s main reason to be together was to assist and support each other to support living a life that is best for all. Now let me ask you – have you ever gotten into a relationship where you thought – how can we work towards a better life for all of humanity? Most people get together for self interest only. How can that person make me feel good? What can that person give to me?  I want that person all to myself and I want them to make me happy.  Thus this is why I say it was a breath of fresh air. Not the stale air we has humanity has been accepting and allowing, where our only goal is to find someone to make us happy as we ignore all the suffering and abuse that is going on in the world. See this was the plan – to make us consumers of self only happiness so we would not want to change the world – because then we remain ignorant slaves to the emotional mind which is amazing easy to control.



We talked about our experiences with insights into ourselves, how we are working on and seeing points about emotional addictions. We talk about this amazing educational tool called TechnoTutor that will help children of any age to learn the importance of words and to where they can make a difference in their life and not just be a product of our emotional programming. We shared food and coffee together, we played with the dog.



What was really cool is I have known them via Desteni for 5 years, because Destonians share our progress with each other through blogs, group chats and forums, but I never met them in person. I felt so natural to be around them. It is amazing to be with people who are working on themselves in self honesty in a way that can make a difference for the world. Thanks for the visit!

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Sunday, November 11, 2012

Day:62 I Am Too Spiritual to Face This


Rant and Rave:
Last night I dreamed of an ex… wow – In the dream it is about me searching for her – finding her and then she won’t let me in. Or now she is letting me in – but we don’t stay long together as she always has to go. And I don’t want her to go – I want us to be together – I feel like I made a mistake when we were together – and I want the chance to get back with her. I feel she is the only person where I got to experience that we both loved EACH OTHER. She loved me! And I loved her- I think! …

Suppressed relationship stuff coming up – from watching Deep Space Nine – It reminds me I am still single – and have never had a good relationship. I miss Lynne for some reason…why
I am feeling sad our relationship did not work out.

I saw today from our weekly online chats that I have not even started to deal with relationships. I have worked through brother and mother stuff – But not “love” relationships. To be honest – these have been very painful for me – and to avoid this – is avoiding who and what I have been existing as. My relationships are who I am! This part of my life has been such a mess in my mind, that I thought just to forget about it and it will go away and I will change “magically” by suppressing it. Thinking because I will no longer probably ever have another “partnership, love” relationship in my life – that means I over came it! What a LIE I am seeing now. If this is the most painful part of my life – I better look at it: my beliefs, and ideas that caused me this pain.
I was watching Deep Space Nine and this episode was about some of the crew’s personal relationship love interests. I then that night had a dream about who I believe was the one and only closest relationship that I ever had. To me I feel this way because I believed we BOTH loved each other. Usually my relationships were either I was infatuated (I called that “love”) with the person and they were not back, or they were and I was not. So this one is the one I always seem to dream about. The dreams are similar in that I want to reconnect with this person and something happens that we don’t. It is usually her avoiding me, having other things to do, and not the time right now.

In our relationship that we had – we broke up after 2yrs and I was devastated. I am still devastated after close to 30yrs! I have never been with another for that long of a time – where we were considered a couple. I have been crying most the day about this – which usually happens after I have this type of dream about her. I become sad, I feel I messed up with our relationship and I wish we could try again. Thus in my dream where I look for her, find her, but we can not connect beyond pleasantries and I wake up sad that she does not return the desire to maybe give us another chance.
I would not have gone into this deeper – I would again mostly likely have distracted myself from this dream after awhile which is what I always do – had it not been for our Desteni chat today about relationships and the dream I had the night before. HELLO ADELE! Time to Deal with it!

I forgive myself that I thought and believed that dealing with this relationship and all others that I have had was not necessary because I have spiritualized IT. Meaning that I made myself believe that I was ABOVE RELASIONSHIPS – they are not part of being a spiritual person.
Backchat- It is silly to worry, think about the past – I am moving on now – having a relationship is just a program to enslave us, so ignore it - You are better than wanting to have a relationship (spiritualization).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid myself through and as suppression because I thought and wanted to believe that I am a spiritual person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I con-vinced myself that I was spiritual that I did not have to face myself as who I have been and believe that my past emotions and feeling would be automatically erased. Not seeing or not WANTING TO SEE that this will take years of work to understand and stop this program and re-program who I have been life time after life time. Within this avoidance – it just keeps growing, or I could say it just keep staying HERE as me, because I chose not to look at – making myself believe that if I did not look at it, it would just go away. Well – IT DOSENT.

To Be Continued
MFM Art: Am I an Enlightened Ornamental Lamp? http://bit.ly/Ss7036
by Matti Destonian Freeman

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