Thursday, January 16, 2014

Day 105 Don’t Tell Me What to Do

As I work on my Boss Woes Mind Constructs with the Desteni I Process – I have been re-seeing that I do
"CONSUMED By The Idea of Yourself"
already knew to do it. Thus my self importance as pride felt like it was being attacked. As I look back on my life I see that my pride was very important to me. It is really another layer of wanting to be liked. I also would not want people to do something for me that I could do – I wanted to show them that I could do it. Thus building up myself as pride.
Interesting I am a double Leo – The pride of the lion! Lol – It was important to me that others saw me as worthy. This is really cool to see how I was so attached to my pride. Where in it would cause many times a lot of “emotional” unnecessary suffering for me, though out my life, I did not see it as suffering so to speak – I just saw it as “that is the way it is.”

I have a memory of when I was around 13yrs old. I was outside in my back yard putting up a tent. The neighbor boy came over and wanted to help me. I said “No – I can do!” And I would not let him help. My mother was watching this through the window. After the neighbor boy left she called me into the house and said “Why didn’t you let him help? He was just wanting to hang out with you and play.” I was in a bit of a shock when she said that. What was going on in my mind was that I like him and I wanted him to like me so I wanted to show him how cool I was because I could put up the tent! I remember doing this to him many times. Like wanted to better than him, so he would think I was cool and like me. The thing is I was pushing him away! Lol! I would be so wrapped up in proving myself that I did not take into consideration the other person at all. Interesting enough, somehow I did get a lot of friends. But I see now, it was because I was always doing things for them, so they would think I was cool. I wanted the attention and to build up self esteem as pride.

So the suffering so to speak would be for example how I reacted to my boss when she told me what to do, which is in the previous post. I became angry with backchat thoughts like she does not see me as worthy, doesn’t she see how good I am, I became judgmental and resentful towards her, I blamed her for not being different towards me. Things are better now that I have seen this and understand that suffering only comes because we believe in our self importance to where we can see nothing else. I can now see her as she is just doing her job, just making sure things get done, where I do not take how she is or what she does personally. I just say okay. And that is that. Its over, I do not go home anymore with resentment. This is also affecting my other relationship – where I would take things said or done personally if they do not agree with me or see it my way. They have there own way to see things, where I do not have to take offence about it anymore. Drop the pride and be free!  Next post I will share some self forgiveness on this point.

Related Posts Boss Woes Continued - Boss Woes

I have been doing the Art of Self Investigation for 6 years now. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery
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