Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Day 108 Feeling Guilty Because of thinking “I don’t want to”


From my last post I wrote that I was feeling guilty because I am still living many MCS excuses. Today I woke up feeling bummed – (here I am looking for the trigger point that started the I don’t want to do this – writing) then I caught myself going into I now feel guilty because I am thinking “I don’t want to do this.” This time I said to myself as corrective self talk – “Hey – You don’t have to go there with that guilt! Remember?” I was like oh yea – right! lol And of course all the other excuses that I mentioned from the previous post where spinning around like "what will others say?" / "what would others like to HEAR?" / "what can I write that others will like / respond to?" / "what can I write that makes me feel good?"
And the biggy is – I don’t want to do this because I have so much to do – which is not true! I mean I can make the time in most cases.

So the trigger point stared this morning, I woke up feeling overwhelmed and sad that we as humanity has not changed to love and support each other and life. Last I night I came up with – If ALL of US just said NO to Enslavement – It would be over – We would have peace On Earth. – Then I went over and over trying to think of how we could All just say this – We Do Not Allow Enslavement Anymore – I had visions of Military soldiers all over the world saying – NO – We will not fight anymore – It would be over! And instead of fighting – the soldiers would help with the securing of homes for everyone, aquiculture etc.
So I woke up bummed because how can we get to the brainwashed people to see we do not have to do what others tell us for there own personal agendas that do not support life.

So the trigger was feeling “overwhelmed”, bummed and sad, where in my backchat I was saying I just want to do nothing today – I want to sit and watch TV – so I don’t think about all of this.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that feeling guilty is a valid reason to not want to engage in life. And now I see this does not have to be so.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to engage in the feeling guilty program to stop being alive and use it to believe the things I want or have to do are hard for me – when in reality, that I see now – it is only the believe in guilt that I associated to –“things are hard to do when I feel like this!

I see now that it is only that thought of guilt and allowing myself to go with it that is the problem.
When I see that I am going into the guilt program, I breath and then stop the program backchat and just move – do something else but sit there spinning around in my mind with useless shit that does nothing but create emotional energy that feeds the mind.

I see and realize that all those thoughts I have as backchat like, when should I write, not now because… I don’t know how to say what I want in writing, so that others will understand… I then come to I don’t want to do this because of that – THEN I FEEL Guilt – then I don’t do because of the guilt. So what I am seeing is that – To just notice that backchat, it always comes – but to not allow myself to judge myself as guilt for having them. So Be IT.

I have been doing the Art of Self Investigation for 7 years now. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty.

There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery
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