Day 119 Procrastion 2 Doing it out of Fear

Scared child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Continuing from the previous Post:
 So then I have seen that I have been doing all of Desteni stuff out of fear!! Fear I won’t make it – fear I am not doing the right thing. Fear that I wont be liked if I do not do it – to the point that I think – I just should stop with Desteni because I fear not to stop, meaning I am not really doing it for myself – but out of fear of not doing the right thing- Which is what I internally battle with all the time.

I fear that there is someone or something that will judge me if I don’t do the right thing. And that is crazy within myself because there are SO MANY OPINIONS about what is right and what is wrong. I then become frozen within myself as what to do.

I think this is why I really liked and got into drinking a lot most my life time was because I was afraid to make a decision – and when drinking I just did not care about making a right or wrong decision. When drinking I was not hard on myself. I did go into emotional self pity when love interests did not work out how I wanted them to – but I did not judge myself like I do now. I even accepted my self pity. When drinking I did not care much what other thought, unless I wanted something from them.

All this is backchat that in my heart and soul I believe is not valid – and I really do trust Desteni in what is being taught to birth Life into the physical. I want to do it for Me – For Life – not because I am afraid I wont make it – that is a crappy starting point and one that is compromising me.

What is also compromising me within procrastination – is that there is no Freedom in it anyway! In fact it cause more stress and guilt within myself and there is no freedom within worrying about waiting till last minute to get things done. The biggest thing coming up again when I have the thought of doing it sooner than later – Is I will then go into guilt because now I have more time to get more “should does” done!! Gee And then I heard just now within backchat – you will get more confused as to what to do next and think you should be doing more – feeling like it will be never ending. How is that for mind fucking you!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I started doing the Art of Self Investigation in 1997. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. . There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery that assists one to learn how to write yourself to Freedom.

Related articles

• The Difference Between Caring and Fearing - Day 371
• How fear can control your life (Part three) - Day 484

Day 118 Procrastination Backchat 1

English: Gentaur schedule (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is a rant and rave of points that I have seen come up when I put things off to do later.

Fear of losing freedom – I have the belief that freedom is to do what I am inspired to do in the moment with no self direction - Thus thinking that emotional inspiration is life.

Wanting to wait until last minute – with the idea belief that the high is really cool when have to act under the gun so to speak – meaning I get a high to be so close to having to do something before it is too late – and I go into complete energy production and it feels like life to me. I feel alive when there is the “pressure” to do something.

Backchat when I set a schedule – to get things done – I always totally ignore almost every schedule I make and wait till close to last minute. I say – oh I have time, I will start in an hour – then the next hour comes, and I say – I have time, I have time – then it is the next day, then next couple of days an so on.

I also believe if I get the things done now- before they are due so to speak – that I will only then find other things that I “should” do, thus making more “work” for myself.

What I am seeing within this idea of – I want to do what ever I feel like doing until the time is close to do what I need to do – is that I really do not have any feeling of real freedom – because I am always thinking of the thing I said I would do and then did not – meaning I can not really have freedom or enjoy myself because I am then feeling guilty for not doing it when I scheduled myself to.

Another backchat is – I do not want to be owned by a schedule – that is not life – to live as a schedule – that is a programmed reality to control us.

Then I also have this resentment of “having to do things” more than what I am already doing. This one comes with doing what I call Desteni stuff. (I feel guilty for even writing this down – that this is my feelings and ideas about it.) The backchat I have about this is – “ I have been pushing myself all my life – doing things I really don’t want to – like going to school, going to work, having to make money to pay bills – Now “they want me to “push myself” to do more things I don’t like/ have resistance to.

But I know this is crap as I see and write the backchat out – I see that I have only been “pushing myself” to do those things because of fear of death – meaning if I do not have money, I can not really do what I like anyway. So within that I am not really pushing myself – I am doing it because I think that is what will make me happy. So what I do is then create this big confusion (con-fusion) within myself as backchat complete with emotions of self pity because I “don’t know what to do – meaning what is right and what is wrong. I mean I tell myself this might be another trap – doing things you don’t want to do. Doing them just because someone tells you that is what you should be doing to break free –> To Be Continued



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I started doing the Art of Self Investigation in 1997. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery that assists one to learn how to write yourself to Freedom from mind conditioning.

Related articles

• Out of Control: DAY 469

Day 111 through 117

These post are posted on my private blog
Start on 10/13/14
Day 111 to Day 117

Day 110 1. Realising and living my utmost potential

What this means to me is to be open to not judge and investigate all things. I also see that for me it is an on going process - that ones potential is not fixed in stone or something that can be taught.

I have always known something was not right within the world. By that I mean the consciousness of man. How people think seemed so limited and full of fear. As a child I was rebellious to religion and parents ideas of conditioning, for example, what a person “should do” and grow up to be. The short of it is, all things taught were basically out of fear of survival and what other might think of you if you did not behave in a certain way. Ones “potential” seemed to be based how you fit into the system, how well you do in competition, how you compare to others, how much money you have. The value of a person was considered by what they did, what they have, not who they are.

Thus for me living my utmost potential is to push through and stop living in fear and limited believe systems.
Fear will limit our potential. Thus I commit to see and investigate my thoughts that have a starting point of fear.

 I realize this is a process and an unfoldment of striping the layers of conditioned fears and believes that we have bought into. I commit to change my ideas of what is true Value, to one that is best for all of life. When one understands the value of life, one will understand that all that is here is life and to suppress it for ones self interest is to suppress potential. Competition and exploitation of others for our own gain is not a potential that I want to live as. As one become free of fear wherein they have SELF WORTH, we will not need to get our worth from the condemnation and enslavement of others.

Day 109 The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

This I declare to Live By and As What Is Best For ALL LIFE

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

via Jl Kenney

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

 3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

 4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

 5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

 6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

 8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

 9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

 10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what is means to LIVE

 11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

 12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

 13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

 14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

 15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically

. 16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

 17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

 19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

 20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

 21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

 22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

 23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

So Be It.

Day 108 Feeling Guilty Because of thinking “I don’t want to”

http://www.chimachine4u.com/illness.html

From my last post I wrote that I was feeling guilty because I am still living many MCS excuses. Today I woke up feeling bummed – (here I am looking for the trigger point that started the I don’t want to do this – writing) then I caught myself going into I now feel guilty because I am thinking “I don’t want to do this.” This time I said to myself as corrective self talk – “Hey – You don’t have to go there with that guilt! Remember?” I was like oh yea – right! lol And of course all the other excuses that I mentioned from the previous post where spinning around like "what will others say?" / "what would others like to HEAR?" / "what can I write that others will like / respond to?" / "what can I write that makes me feel good?"
And the biggy is – I don’t want to do this because I have so much to do – which is not true! I mean I can make the time in most cases.

So the trigger point stared this morning, I woke up feeling overwhelmed and sad that we as humanity has not changed to love and support each other and life. Last I night I came up with – If ALL of US just said NO to Enslavement – It would be over – We would have peace On Earth. – Then I went over and over trying to think of how we could All just say this – We Do Not Allow Enslavement Anymore – I had visions of Military soldiers all over the world saying – NO – We will not fight anymore – It would be over! And instead of fighting – the soldiers would help with the securing of homes for everyone, aquiculture etc.
So I woke up bummed because how can we get to the brainwashed people to see we do not have to do what others tell us for there own personal agendas that do not support life.

So the trigger was feeling “overwhelmed”, bummed and sad, where in my backchat I was saying I just want to do nothing today – I want to sit and watch TV – so I don’t think about all of this.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that feeling guilty is a valid reason to not want to engage in life. And now I see this does not have to be so.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to engage in the feeling guilty program to stop being alive and use it to believe the things I want or have to do are hard for me – when in reality, that I see now – it is only the believe in guilt that I associated to –“things are hard to do when I feel like this!

I see now that it is only that thought of guilt and allowing myself to go with it that is the problem.
When I see that I am going into the guilt program, I breath and then stop the program backchat and just move – do something else but sit there spinning around in my mind with useless shit that does nothing but create emotional energy that feeds the mind.

I see and realize that all those thoughts I have as backchat like, when should I write, not now because… I don’t know how to say what I want in writing, so that others will understand… I then come to I don’t want to do this because of that – THEN I FEEL Guilt – then I don’t do because of the guilt. So what I am seeing is that – To just notice that backchat, it always comes – but to not allow myself to judge myself as guilt for having them. So Be IT.

I have been doing the Art of Self Investigation for 7 years now. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty.

There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery

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• 172. Creating Excuses instead of Solutions
• Character Dimensions - BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 1): DAY 167

Day 107 Stuck In the Mind

Thinking (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn (back soon, sorry for not commenting))

I am seeing that I am still really stuck in the mcs, some of the things I noticed is that
For example right now I want to feel guilty about that and then a feeling of inferior starts to load up- LOL – I see this now – and I am not accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior. So I want to redefine the word inferior.

I forgive my self that I have been accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior through and as guilt because I see and realize that I am “still” stuck in the merry go round of the mcs. And within this forgiveness of myself to myself I see that I no longer want this within my life as an excuse not to stand.
When and if I see that I am engaging in the feeling and emotional energy of inferior – I take a breath and stop following this feeling. I understand it is of the mcs enslavement program that stops one from standing up.

Another thing/point that came up – well many of them – but I will try to stay focuses – it this point right now where I am seeing all these points very fast, like flashing within my consciousness and then I say to myself as backchat – what to write about? I have soooo many points – and then, I as backchat say I can not decide what to write – so I wont write anything. It sucks! That I have been accepting and allowing myself to let these backchats define and run my life.

Another thing I would like to expose within myself comes from : I have been reading some past Desteni forum posts – one of them is this one: “Blog Writing - Refresher "Crash Course" - SELF vs EGO”
It says:
“SELF - there is only self - the "me" / "who I am" - which can be seen / investigated by having a look at / introspecting the content of the mind and always 'bringing the points back to self' - meaning, seeing 'Who am I' in relation to what is coming up in MY MIND

EGO - here is something that EGO does:

Let's say a person is writing within/as a starting of ego - what one will find here in such an individual's mind is a constant reference / thinking process that will unfold in the lines of "what will others say?" / "what would others like to HEAR?" / "what can I write that others will like / respond to?" / "what can I write that makes me feel good?" - here - the Ego writes for others, the Ego writes for emotional responses from others, the Ego writes to feel something / to GET SOMETHING from others/someone”

I see that every one of those statements is what has been going on as backchat when I think of writing. Even now I am starting to think those thoughts.

For example now I don’t know how I will post this, should I do the SF now and make this a continued post – backchat says do the whole thing today so you get it out – thus the wanting to feel good point comes up. And now I want to give up because so many thoughts are coming up about how “should” I do this.

I will now do SF on the second point which is the backchat “ I have so many points I do not know where to start, so I wont start.”

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to engage in the thoughts when I want to write of, “Oh I have so many points to talk about and so many things I want to say that I don’t know where to start and how can I every have the time to say it all, and so within this I don’t even want to start.”

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to engage in these thoughts where in I am allowing then to direct Me instead to stand and move through these mcs habits.
I forgive myself that right now I am thinking when will I have the time to write daily – I am thinking that how and should I make writing a priority in my life when I have so much to do already. Now I am thinking, people are not going to even understand what I am doing within this writing, so I don’t want to post it as a blog. I think – is this really helping others? Well here is how I will deal with this – I don’t know if it will help others but I will do it anyway – I will work on the idea, believe that I think I need it to make sense to others that are not in the Desteni process. See now this is another point, and again just now I think – gee there are sooooooo many points to write about – I now want to give up.

How can I within myself be okay to just write one point at a time? The fear is when I get a point it is NOW – and if I don’t write NOW- I fear it is gone – or that I then have to wait for it to come back – this again is the con-fusion point, where I accept and allow myself to believe the thoughts of how to, how can, will it work – tons of questions that stop me from just doing.
One thing that is really cool about seeing and especially writing this out right now, right before me, is that I have slowed down the mind back chat thoughts to the point of physical where they are as the written word. And with SF and SCA I can start to mange them – I can see these thoughts for what they are and decide who I want to be. And I decide to take notice of these thoughts and not accepted and allow them as excuses to direct my life. So be it.

I have been doing the Art of Self Investigation for 7 years now. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty.

There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery

 

Day 106 Living Income Guaranteed is a Cause that will End All Causes.

Earth Democracy (Photo credit: Earthworm)

I have been involved with supporting the Proposal By: Living Income Guaranteed. I believe that instead of constantly trying to put out thousand of small fires – for example all of the many causes everyone want us to support – Like save the whales, save the children save our rights, save this save that, why not support the one cause that can end most all of these causes we want to fight for? And this would be the proposal the by Living Income Guaranteed – it actually address most all of our thousands of causes that everyone wants to support and change.

What is suggested is that we stop thinking that the world needs saving and start living and acting as custodians of our planet. If we lived like that the world would not need saving. Right now the way we live in this world is to make profit. And when that is the starting point we are not living as custodians, but as takers that do whatever we can get to make a profit. We do not consider others, or nature, we only considers money in our bank accounts.

So what does saving the world mean then?
Save it from what?
Ourselves?

Right now saving the world usually means from global warming.
Or save the whales, the animals, the trees, nature, resources, war, and people who are starving. We are the reason why we have to save anything. We are the cause of all the abuse in the world.

In the proposal by Living Income Guaranteed, instead of having to “save” these things - we would be researching and studying ways to live equally with nature and each other.

There would be no more starving because there would be no more war. In war we destroy homes and farmlands in the areas we bomb, then the innocent have no food and shelter.

We fight these wars from propaganda spewed by the elite whose goal is to divide and conquer the world’s population and it has worked for thousands of years. They have control because we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be a slave to money and profit. Thus with a Living Income Guaranteed- all would have the necessary money they need to live a dignified life. The only way to have power over others is to create inequality. And this was created because we have allowed ourselves to believe we are not all equal in deservance of life.

With a Living Income Guaranteed we can wake up in the morning and not hear about all the atrocities that are endless and seem to have no solutions. We can wake up in the morning without fear of what the world governments are doing to each other. We can wake up without worrying if we will have the money value it takes to keep our homes and our children fed. We can stop worry about saving the world from ourselves. 

Implementing a Living Income Guaranteed would be the greatest act of kindness that we as a species have ever done.

See Living Income Guaranteed website - http://livingincome.me/

Thank you for caring

Day 105 Don’t Tell Me What to Do

As I work on my Boss Woes Mind Constructs with the Desteni I Process – I have been re-seeing that I do

"CONSUMED By The Idea of Yourself"

already knew to do it. Thus my self importance as pride felt like it was being attacked. As I look back on my life I see that my pride was very important to me. It is really another layer of wanting to be liked. I also would not want people to do something for me that I could do – I wanted to show them that I could do it. Thus building up myself as pride.
Interesting I am a double Leo – The pride of the lion! Lol – It was important to me that others saw me as worthy. This is really cool to see how I was so attached to my pride. Where in it would cause many times a lot of “emotional” unnecessary suffering for me, though out my life, I did not see it as suffering so to speak – I just saw it as “that is the way it is.”

I have a memory of when I was around 13yrs old. I was outside in my back yard putting up a tent. The neighbor boy came over and wanted to help me. I said “No – I can do!” And I would not let him help. My mother was watching this through the window. After the neighbor boy left she called me into the house and said “Why didn’t you let him help? He was just wanting to hang out with you and play.” I was in a bit of a shock when she said that. What was going on in my mind was that I like him and I wanted him to like me so I wanted to show him how cool I was because I could put up the tent! I remember doing this to him many times. Like wanted to better than him, so he would think I was cool and like me. The thing is I was pushing him away! Lol! I would be so wrapped up in proving myself that I did not take into consideration the other person at all. Interesting enough, somehow I did get a lot of friends. But I see now, it was because I was always doing things for them, so they would think I was cool. I wanted the attention and to build up self esteem as pride.

So the suffering so to speak would be for example how I reacted to my boss when she told me what to do, which is in the previous post. I became angry with backchat thoughts like she does not see me as worthy, doesn’t she see how good I am, I became judgmental and resentful towards her, I blamed her for not being different towards me. Things are better now that I have seen this and understand that suffering only comes because we believe in our self importance to where we can see nothing else. I can now see her as she is just doing her job, just making sure things get done, where I do not take how she is or what she does personally. I just say okay. And that is that. Its over, I do not go home anymore with resentment. This is also affecting my other relationship – where I would take things said or done personally if they do not agree with me or see it my way. They have there own way to see things, where I do not have to take offence about it anymore. Drop the pride and be free!  Next post I will share some self forgiveness on this point.

Related Posts Boss Woes Continued - Boss Woes

I have been doing the Art of Self Investigation for 6 years now. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery

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Day 104 Practical Perception and Interfering – Inner Fear

English: Aristotle's idea of perception (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had another shock from my friend –whom is sorta living with me. I agreed to watch Molly (her dog) while she was gone for 3 weeks, just to note I did receive payment for this, and Molly is really sweet). I talked to her the other day and she said she was staying another month.

My reaction at first was anger. I had a flood of backchat come rushing in.
Like I don’t want to watch Molly for another month. I was looking forward to have a break. She should have told me that it was going to be for a whole month longer. Then I went into the idea believe that I feel like I am being used. Pride issue’s came up, or maybe better to say self interest issues came up. One being that I am not being respected for what I want. That I do not want to have a dog to worry after. I already did that with my cat and other animals for 18yrs. It was amazing really as this flood of idea’s about who I “wanted’ to be came up. In Desteni we call these our made up personalities. I got to see how ridged I was. Meaning I had idea’s about how I wanted to live my life. I had what you can say as conditions to how I should and wanted to live.

So I started to then investigate these ideas I had. For example:
I “should” not have to be having the responsibility for a pet. I already did this.
Then I looked at my life – like – I looked into the future from the now. What am I doing with my life anyway? I had decided that I have enough chores and commitments going on to where I became ridged in that belief. And thus became resentful at my friend for not seeing this. Lol – But how can she know if I am not honest and do not tell her?
I mean I could of said no - but I felt guilty to say that. So I investigated that.
Do I really want to say no? Yes and no! I did want to say no, because I felt that I was being intruded upon, as a principle of pride. When I dropped the pride principle, I asked myself again, do I want to watch Molly for another month. And what came up was yes – I want to support my friend to do what she needs to do. I would want that for myself. To have someone who can help if I was in her situation.

So why do I call this practical perception. Because I can only perceive the outside world from within myself- meaning my world is made up of my beliefs. Did I want to perceive from the separate I – ego which was involving the idea that I need pride and what ever that meant to me, or did I want to perceive from another point of view. I realized that watching Molly for longer and helping my friend would not hurt me and that really it was not taking anything away from me. Which I had a perception in my mind of made up ideas/beliefs that this is interfering with my life!
Really how can anything interfere with life? Life is Life – it is only our ideas about it that would cause something we would call interfering - Inner –fear.
So I have made up these inner fears as believe and ideas of how and who I thought I wanted to be.
What a cool realization – real I seeing - for me - As it set me free from my limited perceptions.

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Day 103 Boss Woes Continued

Cover of Don Juan: the Sorcerer (audio CD)

Confronting The Petty Tyrant

Continuing from: Boss Woes "Next post I will share what I found out about myself and how I was able to get past these feelings and emotions - It has to do with: Judging Others is Protecting Self Importance.

As I was engaging in self frustration over how my boss was treating me I remembered the word "petty tyrant." This a tern Don Juan used from the Carlos Castaneda books. I  found two articles that I read - one was Confronting the Petty Tyrant, I think it is defiantly worth a read as it helped me see what was going on in regards to me reactions. And the other article called The Petty Tyrant



Here is what I noticed after reading some posts on petty tyrants which is what DonJuan called mean people (my words)


After I read those articles I changed my "perception" of how I saw her and me. The most prominent point Don Juan said that struck me was - A petty tyrant can only influence us because we have "Self Importance"

How to deal with your boss

Thing are better because I changed ( I dropped my self importance)


I did some research on petty tyrant – and found and then realizes that the reason one would have a reaction with them is because of the idea of Self Importance – meaning I would believe that my “pride was attacked” – thus I now do not accepted and allow this anymore within me. So I applied this going to work which is explained below

Other things I noticed

Seems she (boss) has been nicer to me lately but what I have seen within me is that she is a mirror to my moods. Thus if I was having a bad day, frustration with myself because I believe that I am not doing enough to get my website business going and struggling with wanting to do things that I think I should – then I go to work with that and thus I am already in a defensive mood – thus I take everything she does personally. These last two weeks I have been aware of my emotional tone when I go to work.

 I try to be aware of my backchat to want to blame her for not being how I think she should be and if I see her in a mood, instead to go into fear and judgment towards her, I am practicing being stable and if she does something that would of upset me in the past – I now let it go and realize it is not my job to change her and I look for was to be supportive for what she may be going through.

 I am also now doing this with my roommate – instead of become offended because I believed she was not treating me how I wanted her to or thought she should – which is what she was thinking about me – it is like I am swallowing my pride or I could say I am stopping the need to be right within my mind –and then I am able to see what needs to be done in the moment.

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