Day 32:Postponement Character-Feeling Like I have to Hurry

Within this character I saw these points so far

Becoming Overwhelmed because I think I have to much to do, I wont have the time, and I need some time for myself to rest from chores.

So - a Character will have:

1. Specific Thought Patterns in the Conscious Mind (One thought or picture)

 2. Specific internal conversations/backchat within which we converse with ourselves in      our own Minds = backchat

3. Specific emotions/feelings attributed to the specific Character existent in the specific thoughts and internal conversations

4. Specific physical responses/behaviors

5. REALITY-CONSEQUENCES

I will call this the overwhelmed character;

1. Specific Thought Patterns in the Conscious Mind

   I have a picture in my mind of being tired – Like a stack of books or papers in front of     me that need tending to.

2. Specific internal conversations/backchats within which we converse with ourselves in      our own Minds = backchat

I have to much to do,  I don’t want to do this, my days are a drudgery, I which this was over, I want time to myself. I want to be done with this, meaning not to keep doing it.

3. Specific emotions/feelings attributed to the specific Character existent in the specific thoughts and internal conversations

I am feeling stressed and worry about time, I think of all the things I have to do, I feel depression, sadness, I want to give up.

4. Specific physical responses/behaviors

I hold my breath, I slouch my shoulders and head, I stare, I want a cigarette.

5. REALITY-CONSEQUENCES

When I don’t do these things I get depressed anyway, because then I am not a good person, I am abdicating responsibility which means I am a loser.

Realization – Because I have it in my mind that I have so much to do – I am RUSHING with each project…Thus not being here – present because I am worrying about time.

I fear if I don’t worry about time – I will get distracted…

So the question is – how do you get all that needs to be done and not worry about time?

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that I am always worried about the time I have to do a project.

I forgive myself that I was snappy at my land mate because I was worried about time while fixing the chicken run roof.

I forgive myself that I feel that I need to rush – so that I can get things done.

I forgive myself that I feel/believe that if I do not rush – I will not have time to get things done in a timely manner. 

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Day 31: Drudgery Practical Solution

Okay and other cool point came with why I was participating in the overwhelmed/drudgery character;

Since I changed my daily activities to more focused, meaning instead of doing many things a day bits at a time, instead to have one full day to be only one or two projects. 

What I found when I did the latter was I felt I was never finished, because I was saying okay you have an hour to do DIP or your blog and then you have to do that, then this, and that. WOW no wonder I was overwhelmed and living as/in anxiety.

 Like today was blogs and DIP – and that’s it along with daily rating, and 2 scheduled chats . I actually feel like I have accomplished something for the day, and my focus is not interrupted by looking at the time and worrying about the next project for the day. 

This is also actually giving me  the feeling of more flexibility, meaning I am getting these things done because I am not worried about time – and I actually have time to do other things on my list.

So for example: Today I wrote 2 blogs! I worked clean up in the yard, I did ratings, facebook, checked emails, I read Sunettes blog, made breakfast, worked on transferring files to my new computer and I still have 7 hours left to work on DIP assignment.  What happened was because my project for the day was blogs and Dip – I finished blogs without feeling I had to rush and it was fun, I allowed myself time to write without worry. 

Though I am seeing I still have resistance and want to distract myself at times – I can not use the “Not Enough Time” excuse. As that can be a valid excuse at times and my mind wanted to use that as a “ I am confused point”/ where do I start, etc. 

So I am using a calendar on my computer  ( free download) and plotting out my week activities. I check it many times a day to keep focused, and so far I can sometimes even get another scheduled days project started. I also give myself the permission to rearrange the calendar as I find what is most practical. 

It looks something like this: ( I am taking a 30 credit course this fall- and I have decided to start on it 2 months before the course starts, so it will lessen the hours per week I need to do.)

Daily Destonian support ratings, and chats are a given.

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
House and yard	Wok @ 5pm blogs 2 posts Dip	Wok @ 5pm blogs 2 posts Dip	7 hrs School	DIP Chat blogs 3 posts	7 hrs School	House and yard DIP

Next I will be writing the drudgery character with Self Forgiveness and Self corrective statements and working the 5 dimensions of this character.

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