Day 31: Drudgery Practical Solution

Okay and other cool point came with why I was participating in the overwhelmed/drudgery character;

Since I changed my daily activities to more focused, meaning instead of doing many things a day bits at a time, instead to have one full day to be only one or two projects. 

What I found when I did the latter was I felt I was never finished, because I was saying okay you have an hour to do DIP or your blog and then you have to do that, then this, and that. WOW no wonder I was overwhelmed and living as/in anxiety.

 Like today was blogs and DIP – and that’s it along with daily rating, and 2 scheduled chats . I actually feel like I have accomplished something for the day, and my focus is not interrupted by looking at the time and worrying about the next project for the day. 

This is also actually giving me  the feeling of more flexibility, meaning I am getting these things done because I am not worried about time – and I actually have time to do other things on my list.

So for example: Today I wrote 2 blogs! I worked clean up in the yard, I did ratings, facebook, checked emails, I read Sunettes blog, made breakfast, worked on transferring files to my new computer and I still have 7 hours left to work on DIP assignment.  What happened was because my project for the day was blogs and Dip – I finished blogs without feeling I had to rush and it was fun, I allowed myself time to write without worry. 

Though I am seeing I still have resistance and want to distract myself at times – I can not use the “Not Enough Time” excuse. As that can be a valid excuse at times and my mind wanted to use that as a “ I am confused point”/ where do I start, etc. 

So I am using a calendar on my computer  ( free download) and plotting out my week activities. I check it many times a day to keep focused, and so far I can sometimes even get another scheduled days project started. I also give myself the permission to rearrange the calendar as I find what is most practical. 

It looks something like this: ( I am taking a 30 credit course this fall- and I have decided to start on it 2 months before the course starts, so it will lessen the hours per week I need to do.)

Daily Destonian support ratings, and chats are a given.

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
House and yard	Wok @ 5pm blogs 2 posts Dip	Wok @ 5pm blogs 2 posts Dip	7 hrs School	DIP Chat blogs 3 posts	7 hrs School	House and yard DIP

Next I will be writing the drudgery character with Self Forgiveness and Self corrective statements and working the 5 dimensions of this character.

Check out how we are Writing Ourselves to Freedom and Worldwide Solutions at

Desteni.org

EqualMoney.org  

Day 30: Continuing with Drudgery Backchat

Another point I am seeing is that I want to do TONS of things! And than what happens is I get overwhelmed in the idea of How can I do ALL of this _ I want to do it ALL NOW! And then the reality comes – that I CAN NOT DO IT ALL RIGHT AWAY, and I get depressed and just STOP – Thus this is what Bernard has meant and has been saying all along – You can only do ONE BREATH AT A TIME !

I was talking to my brother about this – the idea of a “kink” in the flow of doing something and then wanting to stop – that it was like an interruption of the “mind” energy flow. He mentioned something like this >

Inspiration is a believe of a better future – physiological time is the problem

As long as you don’t have future you don’t have a problem.

I said “We are the walking dead because we want to secure a future.” In other words we are always in our Mind in an illusionay future that has really been programmed for us. For example; if you do this you will get that. Like if you buy this makeup or wear these clothes or perfume you will get your mate and be successful.

We are never HERE with the physical.

 I like this statement from Sunette blog:

“If we’d spend as much time in reality, as we do in our Minds and really working together with ACTUAL PEOPLE in conversations/communications, rather than the extent to which we talk to ourselves in our thoughts/backchat, spending as much time giving attention to solutions in this PHYSICAL WORLD that consider/regard all equally as one, rather than spending the time on giving attention to our own interests of wants, needs and desires: This world could have been an entirely different scenario than what we’re facing now.”  

I am in the future/mind if I am not HERE

What my anxiety was about within the drudgery character was I was focused on a “future” – I was envisioning my future with wanting to get all of these things done – worried about myself in THE FUTURE – THUS WANTING TO PROTECT MY FUTURE WHICH CAN ONLY BE AN ILLUSION IN PHYSIOLOGICAL TIME.

So the “kink” would stop me because I was worrying about the future as mind/thoughts/projections.

Another point that came up this morning was that I have many different things to do and I wanted to do a bit of all of them in one day – but what was happening is I was worried about the time – like you can only spend so much time with this, then move onto that, then only so much time for that, then move onto the next. Well what that was doing was creating anxiety for the whole day, because I was thinking of ALL these different things I had to complete for the day.

I decided to change that set up. I will now devote one whole day to one or two projects instead of many projects for the day– then I will not worry about the time. An example: two full days for College work instead of 2-3 hrs each day, and two full days for Blogs and DIP   Within this will be daily rating support for fellow .Destonians The other days will be home/land maintenance, reading blogs, etc.  I will see how this works; so far already it feels good, meaning I do not have anxiety or overwhelmness because I have the most of the whole day to complete a project.   

This is seems like a way to trick the mind out of worry for now – just to break the cycle. We will see.

Day 29: Possessed By Drudgery

I have been having a terrible bout with Resistance to do Anything!

I have been Possessed with this! It was very frightening and mentally painful.

I had NO “inspiration to want to do anything – every thing I did was pushed as I was mentally kicking and screaming in my mind about it. I kept wanting to sleep because I was mentally exhausting myself with constant backchat. It would not stop – all I could do was push through and keep moving. Today “feels” better, and that means I am inspired…

But what is this idea of being inspired that I have manifested into my life and body to do things. Inspired to me meant – I want to do it. I have the energy to do it because my mind agrees lol.

Thing is I do this often – The polarity swings of what seems to be inspiration and then feeling like dead weight. When I feel the inspiration – I feel mentally and physically supported to do things. But it is like… I have no control over this feeling – I have to “wait” for it- it just comes after awhile, after the mental battle.

So Inspiration = my mind agrees – Thing is there is no Reason for this, meaning I - my beings wants to do things and enjoy it – But out of know where it seems comes the battle with my mind… there has got to be trigger points here for me – that cause this.

It is like I have to trick the mind into believing that I want to do these things – I have to make it fun somehow, or worthy or validated that I am enjoying doing…Very interesting.   

So I have to telling my mind I am enjoying doing things so what I am doing is not painful. BUT – I just woke up today with inspiration…hmmm… I can’t recall yet what I told myself or even if I did tell myself something to change the drudgery character.

 I really miss having fun – or my mind thinking I am having fun – it felt like I was dieing to Life when I felt everything was drudgery.

Definition of DRUDGERY

 Tedious, menial, or unpleasant work - : dull, irksome, and fatiguing work: uninspiring or menial labor.

So as I write this and investigate my thinking, what I saw is I am retraining my thinking to “Hey – I want to do this”. I don’t really have a story, like this is good for you, or you will be a better person for doing this – It is just – HEY Mind I want to do this. Lol

I think it was because I had an idea in my mind ideas about work, play, rest, and how it should be. We have been deconstructing the postponement character on weekly Desteni chats as a group. So what I think happened is that I was exposing my backchat, and thus it became greater at first.

I have to admit that to finally wake up and embrace the day after what seemed like a long time to instead dread it felt good – felt like I could breathe.

We will see how it goes. I will watch for triggers that put me a drudgery spin.

One I just saw was, when there comes up obstacles to what I am doing. I saw myself tighten up physically – physical resistance to the thought “there is a problem”, ah I was seeing the obstacle as a problem and thus immediately had resistance to continue because “thing” stopped flowing.

So what does stop flowing mean to me? It means what I was doing has a kink – the flow stops the mind gets upset and then I think this is drudgery/frustrating. BUT what I am seeing is the mind gets pissed because when I flow with inspiration I FEEL HIGH – and the KINK STOPS THE HIGH!  SHIT – that is it.

So what to watch out for is the KINKs in the flow as the trigger point to go into drudgery.

Thank you Adele – grateful to see this

I will continue with SF/SCS