Day 121 Understanding Tiredness

Wisdom of Forgiveness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been trying to notice my thoughts when I feel that “I am tired.” I wonder is this a legitimate tiredness, meaning do I need to rest or am I wanting to get out of doing something. This really takes some self honesty and many times I see that I just do not want to do something. And then the mental battle comes up of – you should do it – and I start to get exhausted by all these mental battles going on..  My astrology chart actually says I am prone to laziness, so I was born with it.

I have seen that I am not lazy when it is something that I want to do. But as I watch my thoughts – I am seeing mostly that tiredness is a state of Mind. That I can change it. What I am struggling with though is learning how not to use “energy” thoughts in my mind to pump me up, so to speak to do the things I need to do to change and stop living as a programmed robot of my designed astrology chart and become an actually living being designing a life that is best for All. 

So today I will share what I did that seemed to help. I became overwhelmed when I thought about writing for my blog- All the excuses can been seen on the Procrastination blog, that come up every time I go to write. I had read Anna’s blog about her struggles with the commitment to write a blog and in the end she said – I just did it – after all the excuses the only thing left was to just do it – and so I knew that it was my time – just do it.

Anyway as usual I became overwhelmed then really tired to the point of almost getting sick. So I laid down, closed my eyes and just focused on my body and allowed myself to slowing breath relax, then I started doing self forgiveness on all the backchat coming up. And then while in a relaxed state I started telling myself that “ I love to write, I love to blog” and I started to actually feel it emotionally or as a feeling of something that gave me fulfillment.  I went to the opposite feeling of dread to something that I would enjoy as fulfillment. Now I have heard that going to the opposite polarity is not the solution. But I could not do it any other way at this time. I had to trick my old thought program that was dread, doubt and fear into enjoyment. After I feel the joy, I was not tired anymore and I got up and started to write – the excuses where there a little bit but I just ignored them. But really in the end – I knew I would be pleased with myself after writing, because that does always happen when I finally do write, what I was getting stuck in was the pattern  of fear and excuses before I start writing and that made me want to avoid it.

So as I read this over, I did have to use a thought of joy instead of dread to get me to do the writing. So am I still using energy to get things done? I think so, but my body does respond to joy as in doing something fulfilling over the thought of dread for now.

 




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I started doing the Art of Self Investigation in 1997. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. . There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery that assists one to learn how to write yourself to Freedom.

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Day 120 Attached to an Outcome

The other day I was talking to a friend on the phone about, lets call it “Spiritual” Stuff. To me that mean talking about the Mind – Since it is the Mind you can not see and thus can be called spirit. Anyway, when we were finished talking I realized that I was exhausted. I ask myself “why are you so tired?” What came loud and clear was that “You are trying to “Convince and Convert.” I was like Oh Wow, yes. I saw that while I was talking to this person that the energy behind my words where actually wanting an outcome.

 I wanted her to see it my way, I wanted my words to have an impact, I was attached to an outcome as my started point. And then as I investigated this further is goes hand in hand with “wanting to be heard” as a way to be validated. I want validation for my thoughts, as I define my thoughts as Me. When I saw this realization it was like within my physical body that a balloon had deflated. In other words, I had not seen that my body was tense while talking because the starting point was that I wanted to convince instead of just talk. 

I decided to call her back and apologize. I told her what I saw, and she said –oh that did not feel that way to me – it seemed just like a discussion. I was like wow – so that is how I saw it within myself and that is why the conversations drain me, because my started point is that “I need you to hear me.”  This comes from a childhood experience that I have been doing a Mind Construct on with the Desteni DIP course. I will not get into that here.

So bottom line is, I thought that was cool to see that insight right after that occurrence And also see the effect it had on my body as exhaustion.

I am not saying that this habit is gone – as it is who I have lived as my whole life without even noticing! But I am now on the look out for it. The cool thing I realized is that this does not me I have to stop sharing insights with others, but just to stop the energy drain that I do to myself, by “wanting and outcome.” .

 

 



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I started doing the Art of Self Investigation in 1997. I learned this Art though what Desteni calls Writing to Freedom using Self forgiveness and Self Honesty. . There is a Free Course offered called Desteni I Process Lite - Beginning Steps to Self Discovery that assists one to learn how to write yourself to Freedom.