Day 41 - Mother Want Me to Look Cute Pt3

I have update Part 2 Of Mother Waning Me to Look Cute to be more thorough

-->Mind Construct on Mom

-->--> Wanting me to look cute

-->-->--> At the park with cousin and Moms

-->-->-->-->Moms fussing over us and how we looked

-->-->-->--> I was becoming annoyed as they were staring at us saying we were cute

-->-->-->-->-->I did not like having to wear those clothes to look cute

 -->-->-->-->-->-->I did not like feeling as I was in a competition or on stage

-->-->-->-->-->-->--> It felt like we were entertainment for the adults – toys for the adults to play with

-->-->-->-->Moms fussing over us and how we looked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated because Mom fussed over the cloths I was to wear so I would look cute.

-->-->-->--> I was becoming annoyed as they were staring at us saying we were cute

I forgive myself that at a young age I became annoyed when my mother and aunt were staring at us in Pride because they dressed us up to look cute and within this I forgive myself that I then through out my years had always became annoyed when I had to get dressed to go out in public

I forgive myself that I at a young age did not like being looked at because I felt I was being judged for how I looked feeling that if I did not look this certain way that mom and aunt liked that they would be displeased and annoyed. And thus within this I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I looked to others as I feared being disapproved of because I was not wearing the right cloth or hair.

-->-->-->-->-->-->I did not like feeling as I was in a competition or on stage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am in a completion or on stage to where people are looking at you to look good when I am trying to get dressed to go out in public because of the memory of my mother and aunt putting pressure on us as young girls to were cloths and fix our hair so we would look cute.

-->-->-->-->-->-->--> It felt like we were entertainment for the adults – toys for the adults to play with.

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of when I was very young (about 3 or 4 yrs old) when my mom had dressed be up to go out and show us off because we looked cute and that I felt we were entertainment for them and I felt we were like dolls/toys that one played dressed up with.

I forgive myself that when I am getting dressed or trying to style my hair and the feeling of frustration to find cloths that “look good

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to go into frustration when I am trying to find cloths to wear as the thoughts come up of I need to look cute in my cloths

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to become stressed when I am looking for cloths to wear because I want them to fit well and look cute.

I forgive myself that at a young age I was being infused with the “must look cute program” even though I resisted it – I was still owned by the idea because I accepted and allowed myself to judge mom and people who wanted to look cute/good for others so they would be accepted and complemented on how they looked by what cloths and hair they wore. And thus this was infused into me even though I resisted it.

I forgive myself that even though I resisted my Mom and her friends to want me to look cute as I felt at that age they were doing it for themselves and not for what was best for me but doing it so that they would feel like “good mothers because we looked cute” as I got older I did not want to dress for others but I did though I resented it and hated it and thus within this I hated my Mom and her friends because I believe they where dishonest by wanting to live and please others/ wanting approval to be seen as “good mothers.”

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to hate my Mom and her friends, to blame my Mom and her friends for making/wanting me to look cute – thus within this I have allowed myself to blame my Mother for my insecurity about looking cute/ dressing cute/ wearing my hair cute that every time I go to dress or I look in the mirror I worried about if I had the right cloths on that would look cute and if I could get my hair to look nice. And thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to most of my life worry what I look like that has caused stress for me when I went to get dressed or tried to fix my hair. 

Day 40: Mother Stuff Pt 2 Wanting Me to Look Cute

I like big hair and I cannot lie. (Photo credit: Serena.)

This is a continuation from Mother Stuff Pt 1 Wanting me to Look Cute

Self  Forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated because Mom fussed over the cloths I was to wear so I would look cute.

I forgive myself that at a young age I was being infused with the “must look cute program” even though I resisted it – I was still owned by the idea because I accepted and allowed myself to judge mom and people who wanted to look cute/good for others so they would be accepted and complemented on how they looked by what cloths and hair they wore. And thus this was infused into me even though I resisted it.

I forgive myself that I at a young age did not like being looked at because I felt I was being judged for how I looked feeling that if I did not look this certain way that mom and aunt liked that they would be displeased and annoyed. And thus within this I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I looked to others as I feared being disapproved of because I was not wearing the right cloth or hair.

I forgive myself that even though I resisted my Mom and her friends to want me to look cute as I felt at that age they were doing it for themselves and not for what was best for me but doing it so that they would feel like “good mothers because we looked cute” as I got older I did not want to dress for others but I did though I resented it and hated it and thus within this I hated my Mom and her friends because I believe they where dishonest by wanting to live and please others/ wanting approval to be seen as “good mothers.”

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to hate my Mom and her friends, to blame my Mom and her friends for making/wanting me to look cute – thus within this I have allowed myself to blame my Mother for my insecurity about looking cute/ dressing cute/ wearing my hair cute that every time I go to dress or I look in the mirror I worried about if I had the right cloths on that would look cute and if I could get my hair to look nice. And thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to most of my life worry what I look like that has caused stress for me when I went to get dressed or tried to fix my hair.

Day39:I always feel better after Writing and Posting SF – So why am I not doing it?

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to listen to the backchat in my mind about why not to write – Shit I have so many excuses…

TIME is the biggest one - and then that has a ton of layers to it, because this idea of I don’t have the time is not true. I just don’t want to do it. I think it takes to long to do.

So let have a look at “It takes to long to do”

 What believes are I am accepting and allowing within this statement? I am going to list them all – so I can see them and re-program them

When I think it “Takes to long to do” this statement seems to be the one that validates my excuse not to do it. I also have this with school work which causes great stress as well.

Thus the physical consequences are – physical stress – frowning – tighten up my breathing.

Backchat.

• If I do this I won’t have time to do the other things that need done.
• This takes to long to do
• My posts are not as good as others – It will take me too long to learn to do it right
• I am so far behind of the others in DIP and 7yr journey blogs
• I wish this was over and we could start living life – lol – I want to be done with this ( I laugh because I am living life – thus I have a believe that doing things that take to long is not living life – thus I fear I am going to miss out on something – because I am doing something I don’t like to do)
• My body hurts from sitting so much at the computer as most all my obligations are done on the computer
• I worry about posting these types of post as they are personal as to my Desteni process and others will not understand if they read it.
• I have so much other stuff going through my mind as backchat as to what I should write about (I have about 20 writing or more that I have started but not finished and thus have not posted)
• I have all ready written about 2000+  forum posts of writing to freedom and SF in the first 2 -3 years so I do not need to write as much
• I have DIP to write also – this is too much writing
• There are always more suggestions to what to write about – thus I don’t know if I should write about this or that – so I allow myself to not want to write at all
• I really hate to write – I believe it is difficult for me – Others are more programmed to write I am not.
• I have not written enough to post it. – I will wait then.

That is all I can see at the moment that is my backchat regarding writing. As I read the above backchats – I see that it is not all just about time…

Things I like about writing = It is really self empowering when I do it!  Thus then to also look at the resistance I have towards self empowerment… I can not see this points as of yet except self empowerment also equals self responsibility so I will take a look at that later. I think the above is enough for now to work on.

Love God so he will support you to work your ass off for the Elite and you will be rewarded in the “After Life.”

CHICAGO - AUGUST 24: A sign hangs outside a Burger King restaurant on August 24, 2010 in Chicago, Illinois. Burger King Holdings Inc., the No. 2 U.S. burger chain, reported its fourth-quarter net income fell nearly 17 percent following weak sales and increased costs for ingredients and packaging. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

I started working when I was around 13yrs old. I would do ironing for my mom’s friends and get paid some money. Then when I got a bit older I started to baby sit for money. Then when I was 16yrs old I started working at a local Family owned convenience store where I learning to run cash register, use a meat slicer to cut cheese and deli meats, then I became a cook/waitress for the small eating bar in the back of the store. I did all of this while going to school as well…
Gee I can not think of a time when I did not work to make money so I could buy things my parents didn’t have the money for. My dad had a used car lot and I could buy a car from him at “his” wholesale price which I thought was cool. But I paid my own insurance – well most everything I paid for except as place to live and food at home. I would get a few cloths for Christmas – but if I wanted something else I worked to get it.

I am 59yrs old and I am still working to pay for living.
I didn’t question it much back then – I just knew I had to work so I could have the money to buy what I needed or wanted, so I did. I also had jobs at K-Mart and Burger King during high school age. Then I went to x-ray school for 2 yrs after high school. There was a program at that time where you got paid a little bit to take the course.
I learned to become very independent at a young age and at that early time in my life I liked working because it keep me out of the house as my Mother and I argued a lot, so I did not want to be at home. All I knew was you had to work to survive, so I did.

I had many dreams when I was young. One of them was to be a champion swimmer, just because I loved to be in the water. I would go to the pools in the summer all day when I had the chance. Another dream was to have a horse. I loved riding horses and wished I could have had the money to buy one or join a 4H club. I was a bit upset that my parents did not help me pursue those dreams – they did not feel they were important or they did not have the money to spend on it. In other words how would those things assist me in survival in this world where you needed to do/learn something that you can make an income to support yourself?

I use to be sad a lot because I never got to do those things that I loved so much as a kid. I still had the dreams to do those things, but the years keep going and I was still working to make ends meet, never really making enough to have/do those things.

I was being raised to be a consumer for the Elite so they could do and have all of those things and keep the massed enslaved – working hard so they never had the time or energy to question how the world worked. We became sheeple with the carrot of the “American Dream” only to at a late time in ones life you look back and go --- geee I worked my whole life and now I am tired and my dreams are not fulfilled. I have been a Slave to the System. And then they tell you to love God, have a family and kids because that is all that really matters, so you wont get discouraged and keep supporting the system. If you love God – God will support you. It is the fantasy/lie they use to keep us enslaved. Love God so he will support you to work your ass off for the Elite and you will be rewarded in the “After Life.”
I mean look at the world – look at the past/history. Like Egypt for example. How many slaves where there to the work for the few – built there temples, castles, tombs. The many working to fulfill the dreams of a few. And because the few had verbal skills – using words to Tell the people want they wanted and for some reason we listened to them, why??? Why did we not stand up for ourselves and create a world where all could have a dignified life? We were afraid. But why? Why do we allow this – when it is Us – the many who really have the power! Is it because of the lies that we accepted and allowed to be true? Why did we accept them?

There are answers and solutions to these questions at Desteni.org. But one must want to see and understand our nature then have the courage to change it, or one will be a slave always.
Support the life you want for you for everyone at Equal Money. Org